10 Strategies for Raising Emotionally Healthy Children It’s that time of year when we celebrate Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. It makes me pause to think about parenting and what children need emotionally from their parents. It goes without saying that the physical needs of shelter, food, water, and clothing are a given. But, what else do we need to be thinking about as we shape children’s growing brains and personalities? Parenting is a massive responsibility with many challenges and many rewards and there are no perfect parents or families. Most parents want to do the best possible an ..read more

An expert’s checklist for gauging where you stand. The label narcissist is used loosely these days, typically to indicate anyone who is vain and selfish, but the actual, diagnosable personality disorder and its traits run much deeper and carry long-term debilitating effects for those raised in a family led by a narcissistic parent. Below I offer a checklist to determine if you were raised by a narcissistic parent who may carry many of these traits. Remember that narcissism is a spectrum disorder, but someone with a high level or number of high these traits can still have a damaging influence ..read more

Accountability is crucial for sound mental health. Remember the old phrase, “People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones"? The proverb appeared in Chaucer's 1385 retelling of the tale of Troilus and Criseyde. Later, George Herbert modified it this way: “Whose house is of glass, must not throw stones at another.” And in 1736, Benjamin Franklin wrote, “Don't throw stones at your neighbors, if your own windows are glass.” I write from the perspective of trauma recovery from dysfunctional families, particularly those led by parental narcissism. My books discuss the effects of being mar ..read more

What does it mean to trust someone? My client Brian, 32, tells me, “Growing up, I never felt I could depend on my parents for what you’d call emotional support. That feeling that other people have- that their mom or dad is there for them no matter what? I didn’t get that. I didn’t feel it. It wasn’t there. And there’s no way I could have trusted them to hear how I really felt about anything. Now, as an adult, I still can’t really open up with people closest to me. Even with friends and my girlfriend, I don’t feel comfortable being vulnerable with them, so that gets in the way of real intimacy ..read more

If you feel lonely, you're not alone. We all feel lonely at times. Perhaps you felt isolated or alone in your family of origin—and still do. Maybe you experience loneliness within your peer group or work environment. You may want a close relationship with a friend or partner but don’t know how to reach out or get closer emotionally. There is a stigma in admitting to feelings of loneliness, and if we lack meaningful connection to the people in our everyday lives, we may conclude that there’s something wrong with us, that we are somehow unlikeable or unlovable. Keep Reading on Psychology Today ..read more

You can stop the legacy of distorted love if you have a narcissistic parent. I know this sounds harsh and the term narcissism is thrown around loosely these days. We need to remember that narcissism is a spectrum disorder and people can have a few or many traits along the continuum. The more traits one has, the more likely it is they are causing harm in their parenting and other relationships. Maternal narcissism is difficult to process, so let’s unpack it a little here and understand the impact. Sadly, I hear far too many people expressing that they dislike Mother’s Day. We all want a great ..read more

How to become more aware of narcissistic parenting traits that hurt children All of us who adore children and want to do the best by them as parents, grandparents, teachers, and helping professionals, are hearing a very common and disturbing theme: anxiety in children is increasing and more needs to be done about it. We know how debilitating anxiety can be for adults, how it can become almost crippling at times. But adults can seek help and work on many self-care strategies to assist in their recovery. And even with this level of control, adults experiencing intense anxiety still find it diffi ..read more

Ten tips to help you maintain your authentic self If you come from a narcissistic family, meaning a family led by a mother or father who is a narcissist, you are probably starting to either dread the approaching holidays or worry about how to handle family gatherings.  Pre-holiday anxiety is common in other types of dysfunctional families as well. Will your uncle drink too much again this year? Will there be angry arguments with no resolution? Will you get triggered by the hostile dynamics of your unhealthy family? Will the family expect you to play “your role” in the family—the one that ..read more

In cases of severe narcissism, therapy may play out in one of these 5 ways. If you grew up with a narcissistic parent, you may still be thinking you can fix or change the relationship in some way so you can get some of your emotional needs met. It’s certainly a normal desire. We all wish for a happy, well-connected and loving family. So, should you try family therapy? Here are five things to consider first. Think of narcissism as a spectrum disorder. At the low end, are some narcissistic traits that we all have, then as one moves along the spectrum with more and more traits, the more problems ..read more

It's the gift to give yourself this season. ‘Tis the season for gift giving. It’s also the time of year when people ask you what gifts you want this holiday season. As you think about what you might want a loved one to give you, why not consider the most important gift you can give yourself? I believe that the most valuable gift is self-acceptance. We hear a lot about the importance of self-love and self-compassion, but I have found in my clinical work that developing self-love is more difficult unless you have first worked on self-acceptance. What is self-acceptance? Keep Reading on Psycholo ..read more