Sam writes about her own experiences of trying to conceive again after baby loss. Miscarriage. Pregnancy loss. Those words don’t quite capture the true nature of what I’ve been through. What I’m going through. Those words make it sound like it’s a one off event. A one day thing. A one time feeling. And in all honesty that’s what I believed before. Oh, the blissful ignorance of before. I miss ‘before’ me. In fact, it’s not a one off event. A one time feeling. It’s my life. I’m living and breathing this every single day. 179 days of living and breathing it, and even before then I had weeks of ..read more

Ugly Feelings – The unwanted feelings following miscarriage and baby loss and how to manage them. What are the uglies?? Put simply, the ugly feelings are the unwanted and painful emotions that you don’t ‘expect’ following the loss of your baby. Ugly feelings can make you feel, at best, a bit guilty, at worst, consumed by total shame and self-loathing. These feelings can include (but are defo not limited to) jealousy, anger, bitterness, resentment… They are often triggered by pregnancy and birth announcements, pregnant women and occasions such as Christmas, baby showers, christenings – howeve ..read more

IVF, Baby Loss and Patau Syndrome Growing up in Ireland I remember my first sexual health class at the young age of 11. The boys were asked to leave and the teacher went on to explain. A. Aunt flow arrives B. You Bleed C. You Conceive Infertility was never mentioned, periods can be light, heavy or painful was never discussed, getting pregnant was as easy as ABC. After some years of travel, my husband and I decided it was time to have a baby. After 8 months of trying, I wasn’t getting pregnant. My mental health took a hit and we decided to come home to Ireland. I went to a well woman clinic to ..read more

As it has now been over a year since I’ve last been pregnant, and having been in this storm for three years, I’ve been thinking more and more that I might be done. But then I get to that point towards the end of my TWW where I test early, get disheartened by a negative and then get desperate because I so badly want to see a positive again. It is such a head fuckery of a space to be in. I try to remain calm and not controlling when it comes to the fertile window but that is easier said than done. I wish I didn’t have to know when ovulation was but I have to start taking certain drugs pretty s ..read more