A week or so before I left Australia for the year, I encountered a person who seemed interested in being my friend. We met through a mutual friend, three former selective school members hanging out, well-travelled and keen to engage with the world on an intellectual level.  But the red flags were there from the beginning. Upon sighting me, this person opened with: “Are you Polish?” If they had asked me, “Where are you from?” I may have been able to say, “Australia, like you,” but I felt pressured to account for myself, as it were - all the while feeling boxed in. A conversation was formed ..read more

My most significant romantic relationship arose around the beginning of 2016, and its end coincided with New Year’s Eve. It was only in retrospect that I figured out one of the main sources of misery therein: I was unable to assert my needs due to conflict avoidance. In a perfect world, I would work on increasing my feelings of worthiness, gradually, over time, with a trustworthy psychologist. But that takes time and money, the latter being a resource I do not have in abundance. So then, I ask myself: Is a romantic relationship really worth it? At least when I’m alone, the only obstacle to fol ..read more

I don't know who kidnapped Epiphanie and replaced her with a sensible adult, but apparently I have decided that instead of further borrowing from my Emergency Fund to go on a trip around Germany, I needed to top up my existing amount and get it back into robust health. I am missing the sense of looking forward to a big solo trip, but I am also feeling significantly more secure financially.  My hope is to do the big German trip next year. I am still going to Portugal with the family this summer, so that will be 10-11 days of travel I can look forward to. If I spend some time in Sofia, ther ..read more

For just a fraction of a minute I see you walking by - Never the perfect stranger: Always something unexpected… Downwards you direct your eye. If you won’t make eye contact with me I can’t co-conspire with you A sense of community never rises up And I can’t get enough Of the empowerment I want to be my truth Knowledge can be gathered When you choose to look ahead Observation, musing, wondering - The world can offer inspiration! - Yet you choose obedience instead ..read more

At the supermarket today, there was a family of four in front of me at the self-serving cashier, the youngest members of which looked about 4 and 6 years old respectively. They kept pawing at the items in the baskets or taking them out and handing them to their mum before she was ready to key them in. “There are other people waiting!” she had a resigned tone, trying to keep them under control. “Don’t drop that avocado!” emerged as the youngest gathered up two large items in her small hands and pushed them in her general direction. “I am not taking you grocery shopping again - you have been an ..read more

If you are in favour of giving women and non-binary people a hand, so they can be as equal to men as possible, you may think you have a pretty good understanding of how to treat us well. But let's not forget that, under a patriarchy so baked into the system, sometimes going part of the way is regarded as enough.  It has often been remarked upon that some men regard women as chattel. Today I came across a self-identified feminist referring to a specific woman as a 'cow'. Instead of showing compassion for the woman's conservative views, which, while hurtful, are hurting that woman more than ..read more

Every fortnight I receive my government pension, and the first thing I do is squirrel away what I can in a Savings account (with a different bank, so there’s less temptation to spend). If you saw me on the street, you wouldn’t remark on my clothing. I look very average - clean and well put together, but with fabrics mostly from Kmart and Best ‘n’ Less. I tend to wear the same types of leggings every day, which set me back all of $8 each. My scrunchies are from Daiso, the budget Japanese department store, where everything is $3.30. I also rely on free sources of music, such as the app RadioGard ..read more

Yesterday I attended an interview with Elizabeth Day at the Sydney Opera House, which gave me lots of food for thought on the subject of sharing. As a blogger, I've shared many private worlds with my audience. In most instances, I don't know how they will be received - each person reading my posts will have a different interpretation of them, due to their personal history, what is happening in their life that particular day, their social and economic status, and any number of other factors I could care to articulate. I share anyway.  My writing is a balance between externalising parts of ..read more

- I've forged a path in life deeply informed by nonconformity. From one angle, I identity as a queer Slav who has a tendency towards polyamory. I'm also single and childfree at 40, having resolved never to wed anyone I might develop a relationship with. Many childfree people find fulfilment in their career, but I don't really have one. I practice my skills in writing almost as if I were going to get paid - but I make do on government support. I'm an antiracist immigrant who has chronic mental health issues. And, of course, I'm a feminist with intersectionality. It takes a full paragraph just t ..read more

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