Hello everyone. Something happened today... For the past weeks, months even - oh hell, let me be honest - years... I've been feeling depressed to varying degrees for so long I feel that I'd forgotten that anything better exists outside and from under this dark cloud I carry along where ever I go. I also carry deep shames and guilt for things that I shouldn't need to shoulder responsibility for... and some for situations I did. All of these things along with the horrors from my childhood... Read more ..read more

Hey you, little boy, Why don’t you bring your little toy, Come a little closer, Your ‘Hello’ needs to be louder. The few steps took forever, For the heart starts to wonder, Perhaps my legs prefer to stay, That way I won’t be a prey. Five is my special number, As I start to remember, I was the youngest of five, Could I be brave, could I thrive? I spent time playing with your child, We were all kids - young and wild, You are his dad, I trusted you, After all, the same blood flows in me... Read more ..read more

I may have made a mistake by telling my wife about my self harm tendencies. She worries about me, and I can totally understand why. I have made sure that we both have emergency contacts. But I still feel like shit. How honest should I be? It hurts me to see her worrying about me. My T session is still days away, not sure what to do ..read more

I’ve read over and over that guilt is something we did and shame is something we are and I guess it never really clicked and now it has. I carry way more shame than I realized. I know that talking about these things is crucial so here goes. The fear and anxiety is high. My thought is to say these things without judgment, (to the extent I am able) defense or minimization. Please join with any of yours as well. It’s really helpful to read things that help with carrying of shame. I don’t... Read more ..read more

Well my friends - it's official - I have Prostate Cancer - Rads score of 4 - Gleason score of 7 it's been since April 2nd that this journey started - I went to a new urologist (my old one had retired) for a follow up on my incontinence issues (I was holding 143ml - which is quite an increase from the last scans - my PCP had taken me off of the Tamsulosin - he said I did not need it - that I had damaged my own bladder due to my work choices of holding it in for hours on end - same guy who... Read more ..read more

Hello dear MS members. Like many here, I often struggle with very strong negative feelings, especially anger, and recently also sadness, which manifest themselves physically in tension and pain. I can usually counteract them more or less well through excercise, meditation and journaling. But mainly the relief happens through exercising. But now I have major surgery next week and will not be able to do any sports for several months. I am worried that I could "relapse" emotionally pretty... Read more ..read more

I maybe in a mental hospital. It maybe awhile till I am back. So please just pray for me ..read more

I am Not on here often. When I have a good day I should be here as well. But I am struggling. I am still in the mind set to make sure everyone is happy but me. I’m don’t know if they realize they do it but even my son treats me like a second thought. I am the one everyone depends on. I am the one everyone feels will fix the problems. I am the one everyone expects to just sit and be there. And I am tired. I am tired of it. I want to be thought of as first. I want to feel like I matter in... Read more ..read more

I'm having trouble relating to myself as the young, vulnerable person who experienced the abuse. For the longest time, I'd recall it as if I was watching a movie involving a boy who wasn't really me. Lately, however, as a result of being in therapy again I've been having overwhelming feelings of being back in that situation as the boy that I was. The problem is this: not fully recognizing myself as the person who experienced the abuse feels safer in terms of being able to function, but it... Read more ..read more

When I was 28, my mother initiated a consensual intimate relationship with me when my stepfather was nearing the end of his battle with cancer. What was supposed to be something casual between us became something much more. When my stepfather lost his battle with cancer a few months later, things between my mother and I ended up with us living together as a monogamous couple for next 5 years in guise of a son caring for his grieving, widowed mother. My mom and I now live apart and are living... Read more ..read more