Well this is all very new... in fact, these 146 days have been very much ‘new’ to me, to us! A new that we never wanted... This is my first ever blog so please bear with me. I’m Faye, Grayson’s Mumma (Sorry to those who dislike ‘mumma’. It’s what he knew me as, not as mummy or mum) I wanted to make a promise to you all before I start. I will always be honest and open in my writing. Well as open as my heart allows me to be on that day, at that specific time but always honest. Right now I have no limitations on what I will share, sometimes that may come with a trigger warning. I want to sh ..read more

The journey of Polly and Margo written so beautifully by their mummy, Aimee @aimeejohnsontwins Back in October 2019 on the 9th, I got two red lines, I literally couldn’t believe my eyes!! I rushed to my friends house and took another 4 tests to make sure... it was a surprise pregnancy (not planned) but I felt every emotion all in one, excited, nervous and everything in between! We sat on her mums bedroom floor in shock giggling about if my baby would be a boy or girl.  On the 22nd October I had a scan! The day before me and my friends joked saying imagine it been twins - it’s something ..read more

A blog written by Summer’s mummy, Polly Janes. Back in March 2010 was one of the happiest/scariest days of my life....... I weed on a stick!! And there it was two lines strong and clear. I was sitting on my own in the public toilets of Sainsburys! However the fear soon started to kick in. I had suffered a few years earlier from an ectopic pregnancy which lead to a Salpingectomy (surgery to remove the foetus and my right fallopian tube). I knew this reduced my chances of conceiving nevertheless, here I was pregnant. The day is 23rd November I was a week over due and extremely unc ..read more

As I sit here on the river bank of Henley taking in some fresh air from the ever-suffocating thoughts that fill my mind, I find myself drifting in to that pit of ‘what if’. The wind is blowing lightly and, what looked warm from my bedroom window prompting my eluded decision to wear a thin cardigan over a Collette jumpsuit ,is now cold. The ‘what if’s’ flood in, with reality ever growing, trying to squeeze its way through and find room. I sit watching the boats, paddle boarders, rowers and families passing by. The sound of children seems louder than anything else. In reality- it usually is! And ..read more

I’m trying to put in to words what this month has felt like, what its brought, what I’ve learnt. There has been so much. The heartache and the pain has been intensified. Like another level!  I started this month not really knowing what it would bring. I mean lets be honest, that’s generally how our days begin but with each day, I seem to suss something out. Find a little bit more to give. But October wiped me. I wanted to give so much, to hold myself up and shout every day #breakthesilence #raiseawarenessofbabyloss. I wanted to share every inch of Grayson, his journey, his life, our life ..read more

I believe there will be a period of ‘living’ again. When? I don’t know but right now we exist! And whilst we exist, I want to talk about suicide but not suicide as you and I know it.  I’m not suicidal and I don’t think loss parents are, we just don’t want to be here. Because being here without our child hurts- its painful to be here. In fact, it’s everything your body can never prepare for. When we say, “I don’t want to be here”. We are not saying we want to die.  We are quietly screaming, “I want to be with my baby. I don’t want them to be alone” We are openly crying, “HELP! This i ..read more

Well this is all very new... in fact, these 146 days have been very much ‘new’ to me, to us! A new that we never wanted... This is my first ever blog so please bear with me. I’m Faye, Grayson’s Mumma (Sorry to those who dislike ‘mumma’. It’s what he knew me as, not as mummy or mum) I wanted to make a promise to you all before I start. I will always be honest and open in my writing. Well as open as my heart allows me to be on that day, at that specific time but always honest. Right now I have no limitations on what I will share, sometimes that may come with a trigger warning. I want to sh ..read more