The best-laid plans. The piece of writing that I had originally been working on this past weekend now feels inadequate. We are in the middle of a family tragedy and the world currently feels consumed with a deep and heavy sadness. I will say nothing here about what has happened, to protect privacy but the overwhelming feeling is that this is the worst thing that could happen. This is a short piece because currently, words feel inadequate. I have found myself frequently in the kitchen these past few days. The need is to do something with my hands, something that is practical and feels useful ..read more

I'll admit, it's been a while since I last wrote something here. I had anticipated taking a little break, but all the stuff around coronavirus has prompted me to take some time out and to slow down - which actually has been well needed. I thought about writing about what's going on with coronavirus and COVID-19 over these past weeks, and no doubt it will certainly flavour some of the writing I have planned for the coming weeks and months - but this is a topic I have no real desire to focus on. For one, because its really fucking depressing, and secondly because there is so much other stuff out ..read more

I've never been one to cry at films or TV. In fact there have been points in my life when years have gone by without me shedding a tear. I'll leave it to a psychotherapist to tell you why, but it is the truth. I view myself as not a particularly emotional being, much more a person that is governed by logic and rational thinking. Sometimes this is helpful, often this is not and can be either very unhelpful or borderline dangerous... like when you bottle up emotions and then you explode (figuratively not literally). A change I've seen in myself over the course of H being pregnant is an increase ..read more

It has been a while since I was last on a long haul flight. I’m pretty certain the last one was when I was flying to Tanzania to climb Kilimanjaro about five years ago, which was great because I was able to sample the joys of Air Ethiopia (who were acceptable, I can’t remember the food – and I blasted through Rocky 1 through 3 on the inflight entertainment). If you’ve been keeping up to date with the blog recently, you’ll know that I’ve been over to the Philippines for a friend’s wedding (which was excellent, and more on that at a later date). Whilst the flight there and back is horrifically l ..read more

At this moment in time it feels like we’re really coming to a flash point in the pregnancy. Once we go past this point, nothing will be the same again. I appreciate that really – everything changed as soon as we found out that H was pregnant. I said when I last wrote that my general anxiety levels feel increased (mostly because of going away for 10 days, this far in) but we have also got to the point where so much stuff is starting to happen that without an advanced qualification in project management (which I don’t have) shit it going to fall through the cracks. To this end, last weekend I ..read more

I’ve had a few weird feelings this week in the pit of my stomach, I think its because I’m anxious. I wouldn’t usually class myself as an anxious person, or someone that tends towards overthinking (especially after a very helpful course of CBT a few years back, 10 out of 10, would recommend). I think its this whole “going to be a dad thing” that has actually got me into this pattern of thought. It took me a little while to actually put my finger on what it was, but I’m worried about going away. You see, one of my best friends is getting married in a couple of weeks time… but they’re getting mar ..read more

As this is the last weekend of January (yeah, where did that month of Monday’s go?), I wanted to give a quick update on the goals I set myself at the start of the year. I’m pleased that reflecting on what has happened so far, I’ve made progress in most areas. I also wanted to slot this quick blog in here now, whilst I’m chipping away at getting some bigger pieces written – specifically one on the history of pizza (which I’m sure you are waiting for with baited breath), and another larger piece on mindfulness and cooking. Anyhow, you can read the full and unadulterated post on my goals for 2020 ..read more

One of the themes that keeps coming up at therapy currently is the idea of trying to make order out the general chaos of life. In many different areas of life as well, obviously we have no idea what is happening with the baby still (other than it will arrive at some point in April), there is a tonne of work to still do on the house, work remains hectic and January has got plenty of administrative deadlines in itself. ·        Tax returns ·        Car insurance ·        Ordering currency for my trip to the Philippines (this has been a nightmare!) ·        Planning our remortgage Sometimes it fe ..read more

Sometimes you just have a shit day or a shit couple of days. The thing is (and it is a tricky thing) to capture that shitness in as few days and possible and make sure it doesn't spiral into weeks, months, years or lifetimes. Today has been a shit day as part of a below-par week. Had a couple of downbeat conversations at work, everything seems a bit gloomy at the moment (maybe because it's January). My new car is playing up too so I'm chasing my tail trying to get that sorted. The issue is that sometimes it's damn easy to let Negativity pile up. And actually that makes evolutionary sense, that ..read more

There are moments in our lives when we recognise that we start acting like our parents. There was a point for me about two years ago when I recognised I was starting to behave a bit more like my dad. It wasn’t a major change, just the subtle switch from music to talk radio in the car. Dad’s choice of talk radio has usually been a mix of LBC and Radio 4, for me (and this is probably because the last World Cup was happening around the time of the change) I slipped into the habit of listen to 5live. Now, I don’t want this to turn into a bashing of the people who host talk radio, as if they were d ..read more