I tend to be careful about what I share here and on my social media accounts. I realize that perception is reality and perception is very personal. My story and my reality very well may not be someone else’s. So I tend to try to choose carefully what I share because the other people involved in my story aren’t being given the chance to share their side of things here. I think that sharing my story is important because so many people are in the same position as I am, and when I was struggling most in my blended family journey, it helped me to know I was not alone and that things get better! We ..read more

I chose the name Growing in Gravel for my blog nearly ten years ago.. before I even thought of creating a blog. Life was messy then and I made a conscious effort to grow in the soil (or gravel) I was given. I chose to forgive when it was difficult, I chose to do my best to accept scheduling conflicts and changes due to living in a blended family. I even scheduled the birth of my first child around our very limited visitation. (Something I probably wouldn’t do again, but hey I was trying my best.) Here’s the thing.. life was messy then and it’s messy now. It’s a different kind of messy but we ..read more

“This is the miracle that happens every time to those who really love: the more they give, the more they possess.” RAINER MARIA RILKE I know your life didn’t turn out the way you dreamed it would. I’m sure that sometimes your world feels as if it has shattered.. even when you see the good, I am sure the hurt is still huge and creates a hole that isn’t healing sometimes. I am sorry that I am probably a big part of that gaping wound. There are times that I sit and pray for you. I pray for your healing. I pray that you would understand that even though life doesn’t look the way you dreamed… it re ..read more

Being Still… that is not something I am good at. Sitting still and just letting things happen. It’s like my worst nightmare. It’s also something that I am realizing is crucial to living a full and healthy life. Especially life in a blended family. I can’t tell you how many times I imagine scenarios or day dream about the way things should be… but I can’t control other people’s actions or their perceptions. I can’t make them want the things I want. I can’t do anything but control my own reactions and reality for myself. Being still… it’s crucial. It’s something that checks my spirit, slows my ..read more

I adore Fall, like I simply can’t get enough of all the things that make this season so spectacular. I love the brisk air, the cider, the pumpkin farms, the leaves and all the sweaters. Call me basic.. I don’t even care! I love Fall! One of the best parts of Fall is the yearly reminder of how beautiful change and letting go can be. I find that we as humans love to reminisce, and that can be a beautiful thing. I love remembering vacations, the births of my children, my wedding etc. I love reminding myself of the feelings we felt on special moments or of the joy we shared together. It seems tha ..read more

I wrote the post below 5 years ago now. It’s crazy how much has changed and how we’ve grown even in that time! There’s so much I could add to this letter to our oldest, but just re reading it now shows me that my intentions and feelings for her haven’t changed. It reminds me that we are in this for her, that we are building a life for our children, one that hopefully they won’t need to recover from. We’ve created more memories, bonded in new ways and experienced more conflict in our family dynamic in the past five years.. but we keep blooming. We keep growing and I love the family we have crea ..read more

Why is it so easy to judge? Why is it, that it’s more difficult to take a moment and try to look at the picture through someone else’s eyes? Why are we so quick to defend ourselves, even when wrong.. to the point of hurting others? For the people reading this who know me, you know that I am a second wife and step mom. These are terms that don’t necessarily define who I am, but they are very defining roles in my life at the moment. Often times, my family deals with stress, turbulence, and unnecessary conflict because of miscommunications, quick judgements and pride I spoke with a great friend y ..read more

In This Story, I Play the Villain We’re all familiar with the wicked step mothers portrayed in movies. It’s a known fact that the villain will usually be the step mom. It’s funny to me now, but in the beginning of my  blended family journey it kind of sucked. You see, I felt completely alone. There weren’t many people who understood blended family dynamics and getting told over and over that I knew what I was getting into, or to stay in my lane because I was JUST the step mom got really old really quickly. I focused on my family, the people I love and who I am instead of the outside. I fo ..read more

Recently my blog was featured on the Top 50 Family Blogs ( https://blog.feedspot.com/family_blogs/) and it got me thinking, I bet most people agree that some version of family is important to them. I think a lot of people had an idea for what that would look like as they grew up too. Maybe they wanted their family to look just like their grandparents’ beautiful love story and the holidays at their grandparent’s home. Maybe they envisioned being the cool mom. Maybe they envisioned being the one that all the kids spilled their hearts out to and all the house that all the neighborhood kids wanted ..read more

There’s a place, deep in my heart, that is filled with compassion for you. A place of longing for your relationship with your daughter to be one of joy and love. I wish you could see that, for me, it’s never been a competition. I never intended to step on toes, hurt feelings, or compete. Actually, quite the opposite. You see, I never imagined myself being a second wife, as I am sure you never imagined yourself divorced. I understood that we both were in places that were new and unsettling. I never imagined that I would be living in a role that is thankless and often times hurts. I never imagin ..read more