soberdoesntsuck This post is dedicated to Kate…my first Sponsor.   In case you don’t know what a Sponsor is (and yes, I mean to capitalize the term), a Sponsor is a person that acts as a mentor or guide through the 12 Steps of any Anonymous program of recovery (e.g.-Alcoholics Anonymous, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, Al-Anon, etc,)    By now, you may know that I have been a part of the 12-Step programs listed above over the last 27+ years of my recovery (and more). As a result, I have had several Sponsors.   Kate was my first.   Today I got a call from Kate… She is ..read more

soberdoesntsuck When I was active in my addictions, almost every time I spoke, I was lying. At the same time, I know I started lying before I was an active addict. I can trace my lying back to before I took my first drink. But WHY?!?! Lying was a survival technique. Just like my addictions were. It saved me from the horrible truth of my existence. Things I could not stand to shine the light of reality on. Why would I tell the truth when a lie would save me from being hit? Or punished? Or disliked? Or abandoned? Or…less…than…perfect? Truly, in the end, that was my goal. I wanted to be p ..read more

soberdoesntsuck So, pot is legal where I live now. Ugh. Now, I am meeting people in recovery who smoke pot on a daily basis and say they are sober. This leaves me feeling…   I am now officially “old school” and considered an “old timer” in this whole recovery thing. I look at the younger people coming into recovery and what they are experiencing and I want to hear EVERYTHING! What is it like out there? What did they go through? What the fuck is “Clone”? And I ask every one of them, “Do you think smoking pot every day means you are sober?” I am AMAZED at their responses! Out of the 6 people ..read more

soberdoesntsuck I am about to tell another friend in sobriety that I cannot have any contact because of his using…and it hurts like hell. He is my brother-from-another-mother. We’ve been friends for almost 20 years. I call him family. I love him.  And, I can’t have him in my life. His drinking and drugging has changed him to the point that HE wouldn’t recognize himself anymore. Have you been here with a friend? Do you know what it’s like to end a relationship with someone because of their drinking or using? If so, then you know the fresh hell I’m going through. I’m writing this now, while ..read more

soberdoesntsuck Are you sober? Recovered? Recovering? Clean? Abstinent? What’s the difference between these? Do you think these labels matter? I don’t. If you’ve read any of my previous stuff, you’ve probably noticed that I’m not hung up on labels. Other things get my knickers in a twist. Just not this. To me, someone saying they are “sober”, “clean”, or “recovering” means they are working toward the same goal: No longer consciously, actively seeking out the addictions that were ruining their life.  Here is where I feel the need to break it down and provide some technical definitions for e ..read more

soberdoesntsuck Have you ever lost someone? A friendship? A pet? Were these losses the result of a death or a break-up? As it turns out…loss is loss. Grieving can come after many types of loss…not just death. Loss of a job, relationship, or even loss of an addiction is enough to trigger the stages of grieving. And, each new loss can pile onto the pain from the loss before it. I learned all sorts of things like this each time I’ve been Sober and Grieving. I would have to say my first major loss in my sobriety was alcohol. It had been there when no one and nothing else had been. It even took ..read more

soberdoesntsuck Have you been scared in sobriety? I have. For the longest time I had this script running through my mind that I wasn’t supposed to be scared after I reached a certain point in my sobriety. I thought that if I had enough faith, friends, and was doing everything “right” in my recovery that I should never feel scared. Boy was I wrong. I wasn’t totally to blame. I heard several things during my recovery that helped to fuel my inaccurate belief. One of the most damaging to me was: “Fear and faith cannot exist at the same time.” Now, I may be misunderstanding this statement, or h ..read more