8 weeks after the Diep surgery I decided I was going to go abroad and visit a friend of mine who lives just outside of Split in Croatia. I had found some cheap flights from Bristol with a stopover in Venice, a place I’d always wanted to visit. Brought myself a decent pair of comfortable walking boots, knowing I would be on my feet for a while and because the toe nails still hurt. The flight was an early morning flight, so I set off around 4 a.m. in the morning, only having slept 2 hours the night before as sleep has been very poor. Got on the plane and went to lift my suitcase to find I didn’t ..read more

It occurred to me listening to a discussion on LBC, about Danny Baker, that it seems like there is a real rise of extreme behaviours, almost as though we have forgotten how to treat people with respect. Not to say that Danny Baker’s comments were extreme, certainly stupid but extreme no and he paid the price. Then you have people like Lord Sugar who can get away with tweeting what is overtly racist and not sanctioned in any way. Politicians in recent local elections and per se are being verbally and physically abused, there’s a rise in anti-Semitic remarks, Nazi signs being painted, University ..read more

This is now the final leg of this long journey and all I can say, “We can rebuild her. We have the technology. We can make her better than she was before: better, stronger, faster.”I’m not sure I’m stronger or faster but I have definitely been rebuilt in the words of the bionic woman! On my way home, driving down a country lane, a warning light appeared on the car informing me that there was a malfunction with the steering wheel. I couldn’t believe it given the car had literally just come out of the garage after a MOT and service. It was also quite scary when the steering wheel refused to turn ..read more

I’ve completely lost track of time, days and appointments, given it has been almost 3 months since I last updated my blog. Mainly because so much has happened since Chemo began to me, both physically and mentally, that I have been unable to focus on anything else. It is amazing what the body can endure physically if you are well mentally and vis versa. All medical staff that I had contact with at the outset told me that my mental attitude would affect my recovery and my blog today looks at the journey of Chemo thus far. Mental health is so important, and I cannot thank Al anon enough for the s ..read more

So for about 2 out of these 3 weeks I have felt like I have had the flu. My bones ached and every nerve has been hypersensitive, from my toe nails right to the tips of my finger nails. My toe nails and finger nails ached so much that I did not want to go out as that would mean having to put on shoes. The minute I put shoes on my toes and toe nails throbbed. Every time I washed up or cooked and especially trying to peel plastic film off containers my finger nails throbbed. To the extent that wringing a cloth to clean was painful. 3 weeks on my nerve endings are still sensitive but nothing like ..read more

I know not when you arrivedOr when I became your hostI know not whether you’ll returnOr pass like ships in the dark.Your silence is deafeningAny words would be cheap.For now, I am alone, Examining this heap.A lump in my chest and toes in painPremature grey all over my crown.For you another day, another preyI’m just one of many Making my way. Happy New Year! I know, where did that year go? You could reasonably assume that given I was ill, perhaps the year dragged a little, but it surprisingly didn’t and that’s probably because so much happened last year. Recap ..read more

4 weeks The earth’s axis tiltedAll at once Crossroads appeared.Which path to take,Which one is clear.Surrounded by fear.Who do you trust.The head and the heart battle,The body too faces struggles.Confidence begins to shatter,And you lose yourselfOn an emotional platter.Highs and lowsCome one after the other.What a hand dealt the dealer.She blew out the cobs webs And brushed herself down.Gave more of heart Than she’d ever owned.The strength in an embraceRestored her faithAnd balance was restored once again. My previous blog talked about the journey and sometimes the journey is bloody hard and ..read more

Today I had my last Chemo. I really can’t believe it! I’m absolutely ecstatic! I’ve been on such a high this week that I thought I would reach out to a friend and say hey life is too short for grudges and move on pleasantly. Can you believe she fixated on something that happened 4 weeks ago when we parted company than the simple fact that its my last Chemo tomorrow and this is someone who supposed to care about me! Seriously is that too much to expect from a friend! I don’t know, but please do tell me. Not to mention the fact the 2 people I have given more too than anyone else did not even ack ..read more

Sometimes there is sorrow And sometimes there is painOften there is grief And no one to blame.The land of limboIs coming to an endYet the journey hardensWith every step.Let it go And let it beThe mantra continuesFind my qi and peace will follow. Number 9 done today. 3 more weeks and no more Chemo. God this has been one hell of a journey, a rollercoaster of emotions at both extremes. I have felt both sorrow and love like never before and those are good things because at least I can feel these emotions, so I tell myself. Hey I have to make myself feel better! So, my acupuncture and the needles g ..read more

Blame Do not blame those with a pastAs our history is written today.Tomorrow the present is no moreA new dawn lights the way. Do not blame those in darknessUnable to follow the light.Living in fear and turmoilLetting history define their way. Do not blame walled heartsThey’ve closed themselves awayUnable to commit to a lifetimeDespite the promises, they make. Forgive those who cannot awakenFrom spells, they conjure themselves.Shutting doors before they’ve openedFrightened what their past may say. Yesterday I witnessed 2 young women having a disagreement over an issue. One of those was my dau ..read more