Dear Jessica Brennan, I grew up in a very religious family, and with religion comes a lot of stories, which I loved. The problem was that in childhood, there were also many stories that didn’t relate to religion, which can make it difficult and land you in trouble in Sunday School. For example, there were many tales about Jesus, and I mostly understood that these were connected to our church and religion. But still, there were times when I got it wrong. Seven Dwarfs, eight tiny reindeer, and twelve disciples, for example. Santa came from the sky, Jesus came from the sky, and Superman came from ..read more

Dear Jessica Brennan, Generosity is a trait admired by most people. It’s better to give than to receive and all that. But when is it time to stop being generous? Here are some things to think about. Money My personal view is that you shouldn’t give at the cash register so that a corporation can take your dollars, donate them to a charity, and get a tax receipt that only benefits them. Be generous if you have money, but give directly to the charity of your choice. Loblaws doesn’t need any more write-offs. Don’t be generous in these scenarios; you’ll look like a chump. Love Be careful being gene ..read more

Dear Jessica Brennan, Here is another actual conversation Dad and I had a few days ago. Me: I’ll put the massager on my back while I watch Madam Blanc Mysteries Dad: Wally? Me: What? Dad: Why did you call me Wally? Me: What are you talking about? Dad: You said, “I’ll put the massager on my back, Wally.” Me: No, I didn’t. My dear Jessica, please put the home on standby. Love, Mum xo ..read more

Dear Jessica Brennan, People eat all sorts of things at Easter. We usually have salmon, some people have lamb and lots of people have turkey.  Turkey is, of course, the Canadian go-to for holiday feasting. So this Easter, I thought I would write to you about an increasingly disappointing pattern that I call the Clark Griswold Turkey Syndrome. Try to follow me here because it may not be readily evident why this has anything to do with Easter because, to be honest, it doesn’t. One thing I’ve noticed lately is that the Clark Griswold Turkey Syndrome is everywhere. Relationships, nations and ..read more

Dear Jessica Brennan, Last week, Dad and I were driving up Dundas St, and there was a sign that said “BOGO Sale.” Dad asked, “What’s a BOGO, and why is everyone selling them all of a sudden?  Are they those new things kids are spinning on their fingers?” Oh my. Your Dad is a genius (already established), yet somehow, the whole acronym thing really eludes him. Almost every day, I get a note that says, “What does ICYMI” mean?” Or, “Jeff says he’s ROTFL, is that bad?” (The answer depends on how much you enjoy Jeff laughing at you, I guess). Dad came from a time when letters formed words, the ..read more

Dear Jessica Brennan, (a ranty poem-ish blog) Hate is hate. You can wrap it up in gender, Colour, faith, sexual preference,  Or class structure.   You can call it politics  Or religion  Or history  Or charity Even decency,  Statistics or privilege.  Call it what you like. You can blame your parents,  Your friends,  Your job,  The geography you landed on, Or your sparkly, diamond-encrusted church. Hate is hate, and hate is fear. You can ask your God, Your Goddess,  Your lucky stars Or ancient changelings and fairies  For all I car ..read more

Dear Jessica Brennan, I have to admit, it isn’t just Dad who’s getting a bit thick with time. I, too, now seem to have the attention span of a hamster. Here’s an actual conversation we had at Sagi of Wortley the other night. Me: We forgot to ask the server her name. Dad: It’s MaryLynn. Me: Mary Anne? Dad: No, MaryLynn. Me: Marilyn? Dad: MaryLynn. Me: Oh, Muriel. Dad: (shout-whispering) Muriel? How the hell did you get Muriel? Not Muriel! MaryLynn! Me: She’s a lovely young woman. Love, Mum xo ..read more

Dear Jessica Brennan, A couple of weeks ago, during the kind of impatience that can only come with a renovation, I noticed Dad’s way of almost putting things away. He has a hook behind the door for his coat, but instead, he hangs his coat on the doorknob. He knows the pan lids go in the stove drawer, but he washes them and leaves them on the stove. He can find a wine glass when he wants wine, but when it’s time to put it away, he sets it on the buffet. This “almost putting away” of things also shines a spotlight on something charming. Dad’s doing the dishes, running errands and dealing with al ..read more

Dear Jessica Brennan, On the issue of karaoke. Here’s my call. Karaoke is like belly-tops. Those who shouldn’t often do. I have never sung Karaoke. I never will, but for those who do, I would like to know exactly what it is they are thinking when they’re wailing out the old standards like Patsy Cline’s “Crazy,” Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You,” or Robbie Williams’ “Angels.”I want to know what people are thinking because I have heard all of the above artists sing, and karaoke singers don’t sound like them. I want to understand what they are thinking because I don’t think I’ve ever tho ..read more

Dear Jessica Brennan, Listen carefully. Never, ever do your own commercials. You don’t know how. Don’t even consider it, or you will end up like those guys on the TV and radio who just sound lame. There are three kinds of self-read commercials for the amateur producer. None of them are acceptable. First, there is the robot commercial. It sounds like this: Hi. I’m. Reg. From. Reg’s. Furniture. Integrity. And. Honesty. Is. Our. Business. Stop. By. Soon. For. Great. Deals. Reg’s. Furniture. The. Only. Store. You. Need. So sad. Then there is the screamer: WE’VE GONE CRAZY AT REG’S FURNITURE!! ALL ..read more