Swipe Fatigue.  It's a thing, and I have it. Swipe, swipe, swipe. No, no, no. There just aren't enough "right guys." Or, I'm picky, or I have impossibly high standards or something. Maybe I'm damaged?  Maybe I'm flawed? Maybe I'm too plain?  I don't know. I've met a few real life people--coffee dates and the like.  Quick meetings where you "get to know each other." All of these Meet-In-Person guys--heavily vetted--were kind and nice and seemingly perfect. But they weren't the kind of guys I was going to get all "high school" about.  I didn't fall asleep dreaming about them, nor did th ..read more

I love a good department store.  I could live in Dillard's, and I know my way around each department, which entrance to use for where I need to go, and how to maximize my time and effort.  Trying to find a good guy on a dating site feels like shopping in a department store. There are some guys who clearly belong in Sporting Goods.  They seem nice, but their world revolves around sports, and it seems that they want YOU to be their sporting side kick/high five person.  Don't get me wrong, I love going to sporting events and cheering for my favorite team(s) often, but it doesn't consume me ..read more

Dating.  It's a tricky thing.  When I was younger and living in the glorious '80s, we had house telephones, but no internet, cellphones, or certainly dating apps.   The closest thing we had to dating sites was receiving a handwritten note in class that read, "Check YES or NO, Do you like So-and-So?" We girls would usually respond because, let's be honest, guys wanted to know we would say 'yes' before they'd ask us out.  Right girls? By the time a guy and a girl finally talked in "person," a behind-the-scenes-matchmaking team had made sure there was at least compatibility. Dating sites are ..read more

I have a full-time job.  Today, I was busy.  No time for lunch.  No time to check personal emails or messages or update my friends about yesterday's online dating stories. Driving home, I plugged in my phone--battery life was on "low power mode," and I started getting notifications galore.  When I came to a "safe and complete stop," I checked my phone.  I had some dating app "likes."  Confession.  I don't like to deliver bad news. So.... I'm struggling with how to respond to "online guys" who aren't my type. Some have the most beautifully written profiles, but I don't find the writer attrac ..read more

Catfish.  They're "junk fish" and "bottom feeders," so a lot of people won't eat them, but I LOVE catfish.  Give me some ketchup, a little Tabasco mixed in, a side of french fries, I'll eat catfish all day long.  But, "catfish" in the dating world is no good. At lunch today I had a message that someone from OKCupid had "liked me."  I clicked on it--and there he was a man in uniform, and he was attractive. I thought it was weird that he was so "Army", but I scrolled through his page.  He had posed with puppies, he had some tats, and he was "close by" and within my search parameters. I guess ..read more

Okay, I've learned from these sites that they aren't all created equally--future post; however, what I want to talk about today is FIRST IMPRESSIONS.  Consider your main profile picture your "first impression." This vacuous, online dating world, feels like a short story that isn't grounded or rooted in a place, so as I tell students with whom I'm trying to improve their writing, "Give me a location.  We need walls, a floor, a setting."  Ground your story. In the same way, online dating needs a real-world equivalent. I can honestly say I've never "bar hopped" to try to meet someone--teenage ..read more

So....I never wanted to be here.  I married my high school sweetheart, and although marriage was hard, I wanted a happily ever after. I thought he would be the only man I'd ever love. Sadly, after almost twenty-seven years of marriage, it ended; it was painful--the untethering of years of shared experiences and intimacy.  I'm now in my mid-40s, so I've literally been married almost my entire life-since my teenaged, shotgun wedding. After my divorce this perfect guy fell out of the sky, and he taught me that I could love again, that life would go on, but sadly, we wanted different things, so ..read more