We live in Ireland, and the kids were send home from school on Thursday 12th March, they had enough work for Friday, and the week ahead, and the rest would be provided on an ongoing basis.  My son came home with a bulging bag containing all of his school books, they were home until the 29th March.   I was sceptical as to how this would work out, but my son has often spoken about wanting to be homeschooled when my husband and I have discussed it in the past, we were thinking of moving countries and said homeschool might be an option.  So here was a good chance to see if homeschooling could wor ..read more

Well last year my posts stopped around July time.  It was my wedding anniversary in July and I decided that I'd be able to have a few drinks with my husband for our anniversary and then I'd stop again until my 40th later in the year.  Well you can guess what happened.  I am drinking, vaping, struggling with anxiety and depression and the world has gone mad with me this time!   What crazy times we are living in, I never ever thought anything like this would hapen during my lifetime, but here we are.  I have a son who I am now homeschooling, my husband is working from home all the time and I am ..read more

Ugh what a week, I was feeling ok at the start of the week, but by Wednesday I was feeling so deflated, flat and low - and this feeling has lasted all week.  I know we can't always be living on a high but I wish my lows weren't quite so low.  I am not sure what has triggered this episode, there are a few things happening at the moment that could be the trigger.  I have been having seriously horrible dreams lately, for a few weeks now, and they are knocking me about.  We leave for our holiday on Friday, and I am going back to the place where my Dad used to live to visit friends.  I haven't bee ..read more

Wow, it is nearly 3 years since my Dad passed away, I can't believe it!  How does time march on so relentlessly, without regard for suffering or joyous occasions.  My emotional pain has been really high again, feel like I am being triggered.  I have had a lot of dreams recently so think that has a lot to do with it, but there are times when I am triggered and I have no idea why.  I have started to use a mantra that I read about in the Choice, by Edith Eger.  Every time I am triggered I slow my breathing down and say over and over again - I am here, this is now!  It works sometimes, other tim ..read more

We all suffer with shame at one point or another, differing degrees and differing circumstances, but we all know the feeling of shame, and what it feels like to suffer it.  Why then is it such a taboo feeling, we never admit when we are feeling ashamed, and for some the shame is not theirs to bear.  We land up feeling ashamed because we are feeling shame.   When I was a child I was molested by my step grandfather, I don't know how old I was when the abuse started, but it continued till I was about 7 when he passed away.  I was also abused by a cousin that is older than me, he was about 16 whe ..read more

A year sounds so long, 365 days even longer.  I am still about 20 days off of half a year, 6 months of no drinking.  I feel amazing, love the fact that my ankles have stopped swelling, no hangovers, and as an added bonus when I go out we get to drive there and back.  So I am saving on taxis/buses as well as all the health benefits to not drinking. The big question when people ask me if I found it hard or do I miss it.  Yes sometimes it is hard to stay motivated, and yes sometimes I miss the feeling you get after a few glasses of wine, but these thoughts are not all encompassing, they are brief ..read more

My husband has been away all week in the States for work.  I was in the garage yesterday and I had serious de ja vous, normally when he is away I drink a bit more than when he is here, mainly because I don't have anyone to answer to while he is away.  This week has been so much better than what they used to be like when he went away.  I have woken up hangover free, I can't say that enough, it is so nice not waking up feeling like a bus hit me, and someone took sandpaper to my tongue, and that throbbing headache that feels like someone is taking a hammer to your head.  I do not miss these thing ..read more

Well I haven't written in a long time, I went through a bit of a struggle, not so much with drinking, but with low moods, and just generally struggling with anxiety and emotional pain.  I have realised a lot of my emotional pain comes from shame.  Why do victims of sexual abuse suffer with the pain, my psychiatrist asked me recently, why is it the victim that suffers the shame, and not the perpetraitor.  It is such a good question, and as a survivor of sexual abuse I don't have the answer to that question, I just know that for me at the moment shame is a daily battle.  It's not just shame from ..read more

So I have decided to do a year without alcohol.  A year sounds SO LONG, I know it isn't that long, but to keep me motivated I decided to set myself small targets.  So I recently purchased a charm bracelet and every time I pass a 50 day marker my husband is going to buy me a charm for the bracelet.  I was recently wandering what is happening with my body since I gave up alcohol, so I did a bit of research and I was shocked at the damage alcohol inflicts on the body.  It is probably something I should have looked up ages ago, but never did manage to do it.  I have been sober for 115 days now an ..read more

Well it's been 113 days and I have finally committed to staying sober for the full year!  It took me awhile to commit because I wasn't sure what I wanted to do.  I knew I had to make another goal otherwise I wasn't going to stay sober, but I kept questioning if I wanted to continue to stay sober.  I spoke to my son and my husband about it, and they both said they wanted me to stay off alcohol.  It was two very sobering conversations, especially with my 9 year old son.  It made me realise again just how much I was drinking before I stopped, and how badly I had let alcohol become the main focus ..read more