by Susan Hoffman Whether you see them frequently, rarely or once they become adults, kids have their own frame of referrence when it comes to what they call their grandparents. I'm not just talking about the different cultural names, like Abuela or Bella for Spanish or Nonna for Italian or Me-Maw in the South but more like affectionate names. Kids sometimes adopt their own little personal pet names for grandparents that are special and used only by them. Some examples, Poppy, YaYa, Mimi, Nuni, GiGi, Goggi. Maybe they can't pronounce grandma and grandpa, maybe they simply want to invent their o ..read more

The grandmother first lost her daughter when she was killed by a drunk driver, then she lost her grandchildren when the divorced dad moved them out of state. After the first and last visit, the dad cut her off. She begged and pleaded without success of penetrating his hard shell of resistance. She filed for grandparent visitational and lost. For the next ten years the only contact was one-sided with her sending birthday and holiday cards. Finally when one of the kids reached 18 she contacted the grandmother resulting in a few phone conversations and hesitancy on the part of the young woman to ..read more

Difficult people generally wind up alone, embattled, and bitter. They create too much stress, and one by one, everyone in their lives walks away. But it can take an agonizingly long time to make this decision. The problem is attachment. The abused wife who can't leave her violent husband, the worker who is afraid he can't find another job, the underling who serves as a doormat for his boss - in almost every instance their reason for staying is emotional. Life isn't meant to be clinically rational. Emotions are a rich part of our lives, and it's mature to take the bitter with the sweet - up to ..read more

When you can't change a situation...either put up with it or walk away. When we can't change a situation and instead adapt do we end up coping in an unhealthy or healthy way? Unhealthy: -I keep quiet and let them have their way. It's not worth fighting over. -I complain behind their backs. -I shut down emotionally. -I don't say what I mean, fearing I'll get in trouble or losing control. -I subtly signal my disapproval. -I engage in endless arguments no one wins. -I feel stressed when I grin and bear it: headache, anxiety, depression, knots in my stomach. -I convince myself that I should stick ..read more

Difficult people aren't going to change just to make you feel better. The worst chance of getting someone else to change occurs when you're so angry, frustrated, and fed up that you lose your composure and demand change. Your best chance of creating change occurs if the following things are present: - You have a personal connection with the person. - You have earned his/her respect. - You've discreetly tested the waters and found a possibility they may be a bit open to change. - You've received signals they want to change. - You aren't afraid or intimidated. - The two of you are fairly equal i ..read more

Not all difficult people are beyond change, even though they are stubborn and stuck in their behavior. But there's a cardinal rule here that can't be ignored. No one changes unless he wants to. Difficult people rarely want to. If you have a close rapport with the person, you might find a moment when you can sit down and have a candid discussion about the things that frustrate you. But be prepared with an exit strategy, because if your difficult person winds up resenting you for poking your nose where it doesn't belong, trying to effect change can seriously backfire ..read more

Last year Jillian Savoy with her parents, Joe and Jacque, who are both retired, booked their upcoming river cruise vacation where they would set sail the last week of March for a weeklong voyage along the Danube. The Newport Beach residents couldn’t have known at the time that a stopover at Dracula’s Castle in Romania would evolve into a humanitarian effort. The carefully calculated detour would now lead them to a refugee shelter near Bucharest, Romania where they would drop off donated items brought from their community in America. Savoy, a Southern California native is currently employed as ..read more

Dear Susan, All I can say is I’m glad the holidays are over. I have not seen my grandson since my daughter severed all family ties three years ago. Ethan and I developed a strong bond, so when his mother cut me off I was devastated. My stress level was so high that it took a toll not only on my emotional well- being but my physical health. I had not only lost my grandson but my daughter as well. Food gave me comfort and soon became my drug of choice. Exercise is non- existent because I just don’t have the energy. Needless to say, I got fat which made me even more depressed so instead of reduci ..read more

Think outside the box. Holidays are a great time to send gifts to grandkids to let them know that they have not been forgotten especially if you are unable to visit. And if you are actually forbidden to send gifts, there are ways around that: Grandparents can donate to a charity such as Feeding America or World Vision where you can buy a goat or chickens, feed hungry children and then have them mail the acknowledgement letter to the grandchild. Another way is buy some toys and drop off at an orphanage, requesting that they send the thank you letter to the grandchild. You’re doing something for ..read more

Emory University graduate students conducted an intergenerational study about the brain functions of grandmothers when they interact with grandchildren. Click Here to view the link ..read more