If you’ve been struggling and find it difficult to manage day-to-day, you may have considered therapy to help.  A good therapist can make a big difference and help you significantly in moving forward.  But a bad therapist can make things much worse or be downright harmful. In my experience, both personally and in working with clients who are in therapy to help them during divorce, I’ve come across some alarming behaviors by therapists.  The ones below happen often enough that it’s worth cautioning about. Beware of the therapist who does these 3 things: 1.    &nbs ..read more

I know I have written a lot lately about how to calm our emotional responses when interacting with the people closest to us.  This is because not only do I see it happen time and time again, leading to everything from hurt feelings to bitter endings of relationships, I also experience it for myself.  And I know the challenges.  But I also know the rewards that come with gaining power over how we choose to interact with others. Significantly, the ways in which we relate to the people closest to us are often influenced by traumatic experiences we experienced in the past. &nb ..read more

The key to successful relationships lies in our ability to see the other’s perspective.  But we can’t do this when we become emotionally reactive. We first need to calm our emotions to think clearly and rationally and see where the other person is coming from.  Here are 3 powerful ways to calm your emotions during a heated conversation or argument:       Pause and notice. What are you feeling right now?  Do you feel pressure in your chest or is your heart beating faster as your anger rises?  Focusing on these sensations will help the anger dissipa ..read more

As parents, we can’t always be aware of our children’s emotional experiences and how our actions affect them. As a trained mediator, family law attorney for almost 25 years, and child of bitter divorce myself, I know all too well how children can be affected – even if they outwardly appear fine. Kids are like sponges.  They are constantly watching and absorbing what we do and how we relate to others.  It’s how we all learn how to relate to the world and people around us. According to this eye-opening article, kids pay close attention to their parents’ emotions to sense how safe they ..read more

Relationships truly matter.  As a family lawyer for almost 25 years, I have a regular front row seat to what appears to be hopeless disconnection between spouses and co-parents.  Part of what I do is help bring co-parents together to make important decisions for their children. Just as we might keep our bodies healthy with diet and exercise, it’s equally – if not more important – to develop and nurture our personal relationships that are so essential for our well-being. Unfortunately we’re not always good at relating to the people closest to us.  When differences inevitably ari ..read more

Relationships matter.  In fact, they are essential to our very survival.  Scientific research reveals that social connection and relationships are essential human needs that improve our physical health and mental and emotional well-being. As a family lawyer and conflict resolution strategist, I have a regular front row seat to what appears to be hopeless disconnection – and I help people gain a greater understanding of each other’s perspectives and a sense of cooperation when they ultimately reach agreements about their children and financial futures. Close personal connection m ..read more

The latest annual report issued by the New Jersey judiciary for the year ending June 30, 2021 shows a growing backlog of divorce cases amidst a historic statewide judge shortage. According to the acting administrative director of the New Jersey courts, the pandemic has permanently changed the New Jersey court system and New Jersey courts must continue to evolve if they are to effectively serve the public. While the 2021 annual report revealed New Jersey courts held more than 156,000 remote events, in all subject matter areas, judicial vacancies remain an ongoing problem and impedes normal oper ..read more

If happens to all of us.  One minute you’re having a typical conversation with someone you care about – your spouse, son or daughter, friend, or co-worker, and then suddenly your emotions start to escalate. What you do our say next can either hurt the relationship or can actually bring you closer. As a family law attorney for 25 years, I know that communication is essential. Resolving emotionally driven conflict comes with the territory. I also coach clients on how best to communicate to pave the way to settlement more smoothly. But these skills can be applied to any relationship at any t ..read more

I am changing what I said previously in this post and in others.  When I said that it is the conflict that exists in the home, not the actual divorce itself, that is most emotionally destructive to children. Since then, I’ve immersed myself in studying this subject.  I have also observed the impact of divorce on the kids of so many of my clients.  As a result, I began to recognize the profound effects of my own parents’ divorce over 40 years ago.  So, I am changing my view on this. Yes, it is true that conflict in the home – with or without active shouting ..read more

There’s no question that separation and divorce are life-changing events, and can be a huge loss for everyone involved.  When parents separate, it can be incredibly confusing and sad for kids.  It can feel like their whole world has turned upside down. When I was 13, my father moved out as my parents embarked on a bitter divorce.  My father was a constant presence in our home and involved in our daily lives until he was suddenly gone.  I can honestly say it was traumatic to lose the only life I had ever known up until then.  At first, my younger sister and I saw o ..read more