I’m trying to untangle why I feel so jumbled up at the moment. I feel scared, I feel angry but most of all I feel let down. Let down by the government and by (some of) the British public. It feels like the whole world has flipped upside down. And I’m desperately trying to make sense of it all. I thought I’d write about it, because that always makes me feel better- I hope it helps you too if you’re feeling the same way. Let’s start at the very beginning. I’m I guess what you would call a “Gen Xer”… just. I got in on my coat-tails and avoided the millennial school of thought. The point is I rem ..read more

I don’t believe the Earth is flat, That’s not an opinion That is a fact. I don’t believe I must always be kind Or if I walk home alone That all will be fine I don’t believe men when they say, Leaning out of their cars “I’ve got sweets! Come and play!” I don’t believe they just want to pee When slurs, threats and abuse Are hurled at me. I don’t believe he’s won 1st place I see her bumped down to 2nd That look on her face. I don’t believe what men say I look at what they do Day after day. Mutilated clits. Women getting hit. Losing our jobs, scarring our kids. Dead women daily. Not an eyelid bats ..read more

I’ve realised I become an emotional punch bag when Popeye leaves. I am the constant presence for our two daughters. The island in the changeable sea of their childhood. I sit stoic and take the hits as wave after wave of raw 7 year old emotions crash down upon me. Clumsy sentences, designed to hurt, are fired. I absorb the impact, hold my arms open, welcoming more. Pour it out my darling. Pour your rage over your mamma. Pour it over me. Hurt me to take away your hurt. I would take it all away if I could. Hurt me to take away your hurt. Your pain that daddy keeps leaving, schools keep changing ..read more

This beautiful poem was written by Emma Pearce, a loud, loving, committed Navy Wife who is a long serving NWBFF of mine. If you have a story, opinion or poem you would like to see featured on my blog- wang me over a message! Enjoy x My Albatross We are not love birds We don’t get to sit side by side Day in & out Year in & out We are not magpie We don’t get to hunt treasure Day in & out Year in & out We are not penguins We don’t get to share the kids Day in & out Year in & out We are not Eagles We don’t get to build the biggest home Day in & out Year in & out We ..read more

I thought I was brave before. When he deployed. I thought that getting on with it, spending Friday nights with a Criminal Minds box set, Ben & Jerry’s and a bottle of Pinot Grigio was brave. I thought going to friends weddings and birthdays alone was brave. I thought spending my birthday without him here was brave. I thought navigating the “sideways head tilters” was hard. I knew nothing. The gut wrenching sobs of your child when Daddy drives away to deploy. Hiding your feelings of dread, anger, mama bear protectiveness, pushing them right down, deep, deep inside you so you can comfort and ..read more

<This is an actual mid deployment email I just sent Popeye, my thoughts are added in italics.> Hi Popeye, the kids are finally quiet in in the living room (eating ice cream and watching something American and squeaky voiced) and I thought now would be a good time to email you about how everything is here on the home front. We have had a day full of good intentions , but, have been thwarted at every stage. We had planned to get your parcel posted today, then realised I had run out of brown tape. (If you live under a rock or something, this is the elusive brown parcel tape) “There is a sim ..read more

Oh oh oh (or should that be Ho Ho Ho given the festive season is deffo upon us?) I have had a BAD day. Compounded by the serendipitous sods law that this weekend Popeye is duty watch. Of course. First of all- I committed a major Mum Fail. I forgot Christmas Jumper Day. This puts me squarely on Father Christmas’s naughty list. And Sweetpeas naughty list too if the meltdown she had in the playground this morning is anything to go by. Picture the scene: It was a cool crisp morning. We were characteristically running late because Mummy had had too many Sauvignon Blancs and had stayed up to watch t ..read more

I’ve been finding it hard to blog lately. Like real hard. I’ve been being a full time mum, working for the NHS in a vaguely serious if-you-fuck-up-at-work-someone-could-get-really-hurt capacity. I’ve had to accept my childhood demons. I’ve even named them. I’m working through all that shit and I’m doing ok. Popeye is here, but he’s not really (in my head) because he’s like, totally drafted to an actual ship and stuff. I love blogging. I love being 100% honest with you. But I’m beginning to think the reason I haven’t blogged so much recently is because, well, the truth hurts. I know you read t ..read more

I know there’s a lot of sad posts about deployment. I know there’s a lot of “you can do it champ” style upbeat articles about deployment. Complete with Kirsty Alsop worthy craft projects to “keep you busy” and also make you spend a ridiculous amount on chalk based paint in B&Q and leave you with what was a perfectly good chest of drawers looking like something from Barbies Ikea Dream Palace. There are also a lot of articles written about taking up a new hobby to fill those hours that deployment has left you with. Such as learning French, going to the gym or other worthy self-improvement a ..read more

I want to talk about leave. More explicitly parental leave. Like when your toddler has decided to throw up at 7.35am and you’ve got a huge important meeting to go to. Or when your kid has conjunctivitis and your childminder can’t have them for one day. Or you’ve used up ALL your parental leave after the last d&v bug did the rounds and now you are facing eating into your annual leave or taking unpaid leave. Whilst your partner is around. In most couples you have the option of one of you staying home for the compulsory 48hours or whatever until you can whack them back into childcare. In mili ..read more