Say bye to the guilt…
Matt D Fox
by Matt Fox
3y ago
I hear it all the time. ‘I can’t get over the guilt.’  ‘I can’t break free of the self-criticism.’  ‘I feel trapped in my own shame.’  People tell me they wish they could Iive free of those feelings.  So they could get on with their lives without being pulled back into the difficulty of living with guilt which is always being triggered by… Saying no to your friend / boss / partner / child Not spending long enough with them Not doing enough to help them… Not giving enough of your time / money / attention… Not seeing / speaking with them enough  The guilt weighs on yo ..read more
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Why you hate being the centre of attention
Matt D Fox
by Matt Fox
3y ago
The room goes quiet. Suddenly everyone is looking at me. I start to feel my face flush. My insides begin to squirm. I want to be anywhere but here. The feeling of all those people looking at me, expecting something. My mouth goes dry. I swallow. Will myself into saying something. Anything. As long as it is appropriate. For many years, I would do anything to deflect attention from myself. Ask a question back. Give just the shortest of answers. Never make eye contact when a question was asked of the room. Hold my arms tightly by my side. When I started training as a therapist, I had to put tha ..read more
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The definitive guide to parental narcissistic abuse (and recovery)
Matt D Fox
by Semalt Semalt
3y ago
You may already be thinking, why does your relationship with your parents feel so out? Life might feel overwhelming, confusing and lonely as a consequence. Sometimes, it’s hard to know what you feel or how to shake off the anxiety and second guessing. If you’ve landed here, you might already have an inkling that one of your parents is a narcissist. If that’s the case, I know how difficult life can feel and want to reassure you there’s a lot you can do to change how you feel. The good news is, once you know what you’re dealing with, both in your inner world, and your relationships, things can g ..read more
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The real reason you don’t get heard
Matt D Fox
by Matt Fox
3y ago
It happens again and again. You express a need. It's met with denial, outrage or dismissal.  You're left bewildered. On the verge of collapse or maybe rage. You're told you come across as controlling or domineering. It's hard to calibrate how you ask for things, when you aren't used to doing it. Or have low expectations of getting those needs met.  Because that's what happens when you experience emotional neglect or narcissistic abuse. It's a muscle that never gets the opportunity to develop. I've recorded this short video about how you might get needs met. And I also share a funda ..read more
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How I stopped being a self-help junky
Matt D Fox
by Matt Fox
3y ago
There was a time in my life when I would never ask for help. Even now, it’s not my first instinct. I’m used to sorting out my problems by myself. Call me a self-help specialist, if you will. Ironic for a therapist, I’d say. You might say it's independence. Or some might describe it as stubbornness. At the heart, though, I think it’s something completely different. When your reality, as a child, is that help doesn’t come; when you’re awash with your emotions, and a parent is unable to attune to that, but just stay in their own needs, a quiet desperation starts to build. I’m in this alone. I ca ..read more
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How to deal with a difficult sister or brother [video]
Matt D Fox
by Matt Fox
3y ago
You might fantasize about having the ideal sibling relationship. But the reality? Your relationship with a brother or sister isn't what you want it to be. You were hoping for an ally, someone who gets what being in your family feels like. Instead you've got someone who picks a fight, sides with mum or dad. Or just gives you the cold shoulder. Or their version of reality is completely different from yours. They don't see things as you do. When you try to talk about it they shut you down. Or deny your experience. Or gloss over it. This video  isn't about fixing all that. It takes two to d ..read more
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The simplest strategy to get your needs met
Matt D Fox
by Matt Fox
3y ago
This is perhaps the hardest thing for the people pleaser. To get your emotional needs met. You’re so used to supporting others, putting them first, finding the way to their bliss ahead of yours. A lot of the time you go along with it. Either turning a blind eye to how you feel or perhaps not even noticing it. Then something snaps: The monster is unleashed. You lash out momentarily. Or withdraw. Punishment is meted out to the bewildered beneficiaries of your help. Shame follows. How could you lose it in that way? How could you let them see this side of you. In such a rage. Out of control. Cont ..read more
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4 steps to stop second guessing yourself [video]
Matt D Fox
by Matt Fox
3y ago
Why is it so hard to stick with a decision? How is it that, even when you feel solid, you come back over your choices? Doubt yourself. Question your smartness. Or integrity. Or value in making a choice. In this short video I look at the issue of second guessing yourself and why it's such a big deal if you were raised by a narcissist or experienced emotional neglect. If this video resonates with you and you want more insights on narcissistic abuse, subscribe to my Youtube Channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTrMDgnpThAULCcP47szUAg Like the video? What resonated with you? Don't ..read more
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The simple way to stop your unhealthy guilt
Matt D Fox
by Matt Fox
3y ago
Your stomach does a flip. Your face gets hot. Your body tightens. Your breath gets more shallow. You start to sweat a bit. The feeling of guilt washes over you. But why? When you stop to think a moment, what did you do? You’re sat at lunch with your family. You mum looks over at you. Says nothing. But there’s a look. Your body shrinks again. Dad leans back. There’s something in his body language that tells you he disapproves. You fold in on yourself. Thoughts start spiralling. What did I do? What did I say? What did I forget or who did I disrespect? What did I do wrong, rings around in your h ..read more
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Raised by a narcissist? 30 startling signs
Matt D Fox
by Matt Fox
3y ago
With all the talk about narcissism and narcissistic abuse, you may be wondering, does this affect me? If your parent was on the more extreme end of the spectrum, there may be little doubt in your mind, that childhood was uncomfortable, complicated, challenging. You may even describe it as abusive. But for many, their experiences were more coloured. Your parent may have exhibited many narcissistic traits or been emotionally unavailable to you, but you may not have thought of them as narcissistic. I've put together three short videos on the signs that you might have experienced narcissistic ab ..read more
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