It’s taken me a long time to divorce. It’s not something I take lightly. It’s been over 3.5 years since I discovered the infidelity, and it is only this week, that, Lord Willing, I hope to sign final papers. From that first traumatic day, I knew I had to separate from him – The Lord made that clear to me – but I didn’t know how the story would end – divorce? reconcilliation? indefinite separation? He claimed he was repentant, and began that flurry of activity that I now know is common for someone who has just been caught, but doesn’t necessarily indicate repentance – support group meetings, co ..read more

If you have found this post because your spouse cheated on you, I am so sorry. My heart breaks for what you are going through. You don’t deserve this. This isn’t your fault. If you are a Believer, you may be wondering how God could have let this happen. There are two truths you must cling to now like your life depends on it: 1. God did not want this to happen to you. 2. But God will not take away your spouse’s free will. 1. God did not want this to happen to you. This is not punishment for anything you did wrong. Nor did God cause this to happen in order to bring some good out of it (though H ..read more

I remember the first time I came to my support group. As I told my story, I looked at the other women there. “I don’t belong here,” I thought, “I’m not like them. These words aren’t really coming out of my mouth. This isn’t real.” It was only a month since the discovery. At that time, and for several months afterwards, I really did believe on some level that this was all a bad dream, and I would surely wake up. Denial is the natural first stage of grief. It’s a powerful force, and I believe God gives it to us as sort of an emotional anesthesia, when the loss is just too much to comprehend at ..read more

Remember “The Truman Show” (1998 movie with Jim Carrey)? It was about a boy, Truman Burbank, who was raised on the set of a T.V. show. He lived in a 1950s utopia, but none of it was real. Everyone he interacted with – the people he thought were his parents, wife, children, friends, co-workers, and neighbors were all actors. Every relationship in his life was fake. But Truman is not an actor. He was chosen before birth to be the one “real” person on this “unreality” show. Audiences around the world tune in to watch Truman 24×7, captivated by the idea of watching this unsuspecting person naviga ..read more

Heart with earphones closeup on red background When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord, your God, you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you. Isaiah 43:2-4 In December 2016, I sat in front of the computer, my newborn cradled in my arms, staring at the evidence of betrayal by my husband/”best friend”/”Ministry Partner,” staring right back at me with it’s cold, unflinching truth. I felt ..read more

Jesus is my only husband now. This is not some pretty cliché. It’s real. He’s stood by me through all this mess and He’s right here with me now. And now that it’s just him and me, I want to pursue my relationship with him more than ever before. Here are some things Jesus has been showing me about what it means to be married to him …     Three Ways Being Married to Jesus is Different from Being Married to Any Other Man …   1. I have to learn to love myself. Jesus wants his bride to be well taken care of. He wants her to love herself. Jesus wants to lift his bride up and he wants ..read more

Divorced. That’s what I will soon be. I have been separated for more than two years now. I was willing to stay separated for as long as it took – until I either saw the true fruit of repentance and truly believed I could trust my husband again, or until I knew he was still cheating on me. Sadly, it turned out to be the latter. I’m so thankful for the way God brought out the truth. It’s a story too long for this post, but God showed His faithfulness throughout the process, and He taught me so much. I am coming out of this mess stronger in my faith, and more confident in my ability to hear God ..read more

I’ve been separated from the man I married for a little over a year now. I still see him regularly. Sometimes just briefly to hand off the kids or discuss some logistics. Other times it’s longer – a school event or birthday party. Every time I see him, it’s like ripping a band-aid off my wound. Ripping it on and off. On and off. You see, he is two people to me. There is the sincere, Christian man I thought I knew. The image he still presents to the world. And then there is the double life that was exposed – the truth. The photos I have seen of him with other women run through my mind. I am tha ..read more

“You know, everyone carries around secrets like this,” the Christian Counselor enlightened me … “And, you know, pretty much all men do this.” “Jesus didn’t.” She actually brightened, “Oh, but Paul [The Apostle] did!” “What??!!” “Yes, don’t you know, Paul was probably a sex addict.” “What??!!” “Yes, he said he had a thorn in his side. That probably means he was a sex addict.” “You can’t draw such a wild conclusion from that one vague statement. The thorn in his side could have been anything.” Now she smiled knowingly, “Sure, but you never know, it could have been that he was a sex addict.” Wel ..read more

“I’m feeling a lot of shame.” I was sitting in the office of a Christian counselor, in the aftermath of discovering my husband’s adultery. She had asked me to describe my feelings. “You mean humiliation?” “No, I mean shame.” I wondered if the counselor knew the meaning of shame, but I didn’t want to offend her, “I’m sure you know what shame is, but just so you know that I know what it is, shame is when you feel guilty even though you didn’t do anything wrong. It often happens when you are closely associated with someone else’s guilt.” She smiled. “Weeelllll … one way to make the shame go away ..read more