Last year, I went through some personal situations that left me feeling, at times, at the mercy of events that were out of my control. As a result, I often felt frustrated—blocked from the things that I wanted to do, by my circumstances. This led to a sort of snowball effect that generated ongoing tension between my desires and my present responsibilities. (Have you ever gone through a similar season?) Toward the end of the year, I began to work on my mindset around this dynamic. I reflected on the challenges I was facing, and my responses to unwanted detours. I recognized that I was contribu ..read more

Introduction When one or both partners in a relationship have trauma, it can adversely affect the relationship. Relationship satisfaction is lower and marital divorce and separation is higher in those who experienced childhood traumas such as physical or sexual abuse, physical attack, or assault (Whisman, (2006).  Results from a study by Riggs (2014) suggest that trauma experienced in adulthood can also adversely affect relationships, and that this effect is compounded if both partners have experienced trauma. As a couple therapist, these statistics can be daunting, as they point toward a ..read more

Pankaj Gupta, CEO of iPlum, joins me for this post. I interview him about iPlum’s mission, the services the company offers, as well as why iPlum is the right fit for therapists in private practice. If you haven’t already read Part 1 of my partnership with iPlum, see the five benefits of using a HIPAA-compliant phone solution. This is a sponsored post by iPlum. Ili: Tell me about iPlum’s mission as a company. P. G.: iPlum’s mission is to bring privacy and compliance to mobile services for healthcare providers. Ili: What do you see as the significant features that help iPlum stand out against i ..read more

Vicarious trauma is a term that is not unfamiliar to most therapists. Many of us were warned about VT in grad school, have attended self-care workshops that promised to resolve the effects of VT, or have simply resigned ourselves to white-knuckling it through each day. But do you really know how to identify vicarious trauma? Can you pick up on sneaky warning signs that VT is already present in your life?  First - What Exactly Is Vicarious Trauma? Before we begin to answer these questions, let’s make sure we’re all on the same page when it comes to terminology. The concept of vicarious tr ..read more

More and more, therapists in private practice are choosing to have a hybrid or a fully virtual practice. And, as a result, technology, confidentiality, and compliance (and how these three components of business interact), have become more significant factors in our day-to-day work as therapists. My own path to moving my therapy clients online began in 2014. At that time, I knew no therapists who were practicing online, and I knew even less about methods for streamlining my client communication. I began with a Google Voice number, and over the years developed a fully online practice with what ..read more

In my group practice, I sometimes create trainings on relevant topics for my staff, especially when I see an increase in a specific presenting problem for our clients, and/or I recognize an opportunity to expand our services. Recently, I offered a training on discernment counseling: A pre- couple therapy approach, developed by Bill Doherty and Steven Harris, for helping couples who are presenting with mixed agendas; that is, one partner wants to work on the relationship, or is “leaning in,” and one partner is not sure, or is “leaning out.” As a disclaimer, I am not certified in discernment co ..read more

As a therapist, I have largely been shielded from the more grievous aspects of being a therapist, including agency work, and productivity demands. Of course, I, too, paid my dues providing in-home therapy, and choosing contract work when I no longer wanted to complete over 30 clinical hours per week. Eventually,  I chose private practice, where I continued to specialize in couple therapy, and made the decision to not accept insurance as an in-network provider. Both of these decisions offered me improved freedom and flexibility, with increased pay. Today, I am not considering leaving the ..read more

Each week, I coach at least one therapist who mentions that they are considering leaving the therapy field.  This sentiment seems to have increased among psychotherapists in the past two years with challenges related to COVID (for therapists and clients), including a) sickness, b) working from home, c) relational and family transitions, among others. Of course, each therapist has their own particular reasons for their desire to leave their profession. Also, from my interaction with thousands of therapists each week, I have noticed several common challenges emerge in conversations about l ..read more

During a recent Refreshed Therapist Network Q+A, I was asked by a participant, “How do you do it all? You are so prolific!” My answer? I do what I feel inspired to do in the moment. However, I don’t do it all! There are months when I am not able to write a post for this blog, because I must focus on my professor job.  And, there are months when I don’t create new resources or events, because I put more focus on my personal roles. The point is, you can produce enough content to become known for your expertise, without keeping a rigid, or pressuring content schedule. You do not need to buy ..read more

Recently, I attended a Terry Real Couple Experiential. The Couple Experiential is a two-day couple therapeutic experience that involves five couples--each receiving therapy from Terry Real, in the presence of the other four couples, as well as therapist observers. Terry works intensely, for at least one hour, with each couple throughout the two days. He also answers therapists’ questions two hours per day: during a lunch hour, and for one hour at the end of the couple therapy time. I have been a fan of Terry’s work for years. His approach is systemic, intergenerational, and experiential. Add ..read more