WHEN I WAS a boy, my dream was to be Scotland goalkeeper - a lack of real talent, insufficient drive plus my membership of the 'Macdracula' Clan - I would not go near crosses - meant this ambition has remained unfulfilled.  Back then, there weren't many Boys Clubs, the closest ones to our wee area of 'God's Orange County' were in Kilmarnock or Ayr, the likes of the then huge Saxone BC. Indeed, it wasn't until I had left school, having already switched to playing Rugby Union, that a local Boys Club team was formed - by a guy who noticed that talent such as the then teenagers who would grow ..read more

IN A PREVIOUS life, before I finally kicked down the barricades preventing me from earning my living from full-time journalism, the day job involved keeping very-large earthmover tyres going round on various construction sites. One such site, operated by George Wimpey really lived up to that company's legendary motto: "We Import More Paddies Every Year". The craic was indeed good, as we few Scots were out-numbered by a couple of batallions of Irish travelling men, controlled by one of the legends of Irish muck-shifting - "The Big Red Rooster", the General Foreman. One Monday he gave the start ..read more

LIFE WAS simpler in the sepia-tinted 1950s and 1960s in which I grew up. Emerging as we were from the mental turmoil of 17 straight losses for the national side, the Scotland teams of the time were never under preessure to win Five Nations titles, with or without a Grand Slam. We didn't have World Cups to worry about and whether your club was in the National League or not wasn't down to results as much as keeping the likes of Jock Wemyss, Norman Mair, John Downie and a young Bill McLaren on-side. What writers such as David Barnes, Rob Robertson, Mark Palmer and Alasdair Reid would give for tha ..read more

I HAD a decision to make on Friday night - did I really want to watch Bath v Saracens, now that fixture no longer featured a head-to-head between Finn Russell and Owen Farrell, or was there any other game which offered a bit more. I then wondered if maybe BBC Teuchter was covering the Super Rugby clash between Ayrshire Bulls and Watsonians - since Buddy and the Elves, as usual, had been unable to multi-task and had put all their energy into selling Super Saturday and had forgotten to preview Super Rugby. They were five minutes into the game when I switched over, still at 0-0, so I had apparent ..read more

 APOLOGIES for the silence, but I have just come out of five days in Computer Hell. My own trusty lap top went "phut!" and the replacement, kindly provided by Big Angel's Bidie-on, stopped working in protest at the work load I inflicted on it. Suddenly, this morning, it came out of the sulk it had gone into and as a result, nearly-normal service is (fingers crossed) resumed.  Where to start then; the obvious taling point, given the amount of vitriol it has attracted on The Offside Line's BTL comments is Richard Cockerill's blast at the SRU's Performance Pathway. 'Cockers' strikes me ..read more

HAVING A family connection to Wullie Shankly, and getting into football when the Busby Babes did their supernova impression, the only English football teams I can watch are Liverpool and Manchester United. It helps that both clubs have their flaws at the moment – there is still an element of uncertainty about watching these clubs play, so unlike the metronomic efficiency expoused by Manchester City and Arsenal. Watching these two clubs playing possession football, passing their opponents to boredom and death is not for me. And that, in essence, is the difference between Professional Football a ..read more

WE NOW know the Final Four in the Investec Champions Cup; it's situation normal, with the Scots largely on the outside looking-in. While taking nothing away from Harlequins, who played a collective blinder in Bordeaux, it must be galling for Glasgow Warriors, to see a side who only beat them because of Warriors' poor decision-making and some iffy refereeing, now in the semi-final. The cast list for the two semi-finals: Harlequins, Leinster, Northampton Saints and Toulouse gives the TNT Sport team to continue their: “Isn't the Gallagher Premiership wonderful” act, mind you I will be amazed if t ..read more

HIGH-UP on the list of Scottish Rugby clichés are the following: “The clubs ARE the Union” “A strong Hawick means a strong Scotland” Among the less-frequently-quoted saying we have loved over the decades are: “All clubs are equal, but some are more-equal than others” “The Border clubs might have a meeting, and agree on something, but, before the last car has left the car park afterwards, Hawick will have decided to do something else”. (Before the massed ranks of the Moss Troopers - or more-frighteningly, the Bright-Eyed Daughters - are mobilised to come up here to God's Orange Coun ..read more

THE BIG news in Rugby Union this week has been this plan to start a World Club Championship competition. Ah hae ma doots if it will work. This, to me, is the latest example of the warped thinking of the High Heid Yins of the game – a rehash of that venerable television sit-com of the 1960s 'Never Mind The Quality – Feel The Width'. It is also yet another example of Rugby Union trying to be Association Football, and getting it wrong. For all its institutionalised corruption and its unstated policy of “Big is Beautiful” Football's World Club Championship works (sort of) – because it is a truly g ..read more

YOU WOULD think, by now we would be used to it, and could adopt the Kipling take on matters, by treating triumph and disaster both the same. But, that's never been the Scottish way, so we are sick as the proverbial parrots this morning, as we reflect on Glasgow Warriors' absence from the last eight in the Investec Champions Cup competition. However, let's take the Monty Python approach – at least Warriors are not heading for the Stade Chaban-Delmas this weekend. Because, on the evidence of the thrashing they handed-out to Saracens in the last 16, Union Bordeaux-Bègles will prove more than a ha ..read more