Lung cancer and COVID-19
my 20 years - Blog
by Merry
4y ago
If you have lung cancer you do not want to contact COVID-19. Our immune systems are compromised and if we are older than that is a double whammy. Please heed all precautions to protect yourselves. This is from MGH, Massachusetts Hospital where I receive treatments. COVID 19 (Coronavirus) Patient Information Bulletin Massachusetts General Hospital Cancer Center COVID 19 (Coronavirus) Patient Information Bulletin March 11th, 2020 What is COVID-19? There are many types of coronaviruses, which can cause different types of viral infections. The type of coronavirus in the news right now is th ..read more
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Hope and Fear
my 20 years - Blog
by Merry
4y ago
                                                              Hope and Fear are a driving force of lung cancer I have been thinking more and more about surviving cancer and the hope and fear that drive me. I have lived this every day and every night for the past twelve years. The third of October was my 22nd anniversary with lung cancer (1997). At that time there was very little support for cancer patients, especially for lung cancer. There was a local cancer support group and the American Cancer Society. But no one explained what it meant, this life after cancer, this surviving cancer, the h ..read more
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Climbing out of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
my 20 years - Blog
by Merry
4y ago
    2017 Climbing out of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is terrifying. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a debilitating disease that happens after a traumatic, terrifying event(s) over which you had no control. When I was told that I had a fourth lung cancer late in  2017 my whole being seemed to collapse. There’s nothing more isolating than not being able to feel time, to not feel the space between hours and days.  I couldn’t keep doing this, get another cancer and wind up so depressed and scared of dying that I literally would stop living any type of productive life. I felt worn out an ..read more
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What is this thing we call hope?
my 20 years - Blog
by Merry
4y ago
I’ve been thinking about hope today. It’s a feeling of expectation and desire for a something to happen. It’s a wish for the future, a dream, a design to try, a cancer to survive. Hope is not finite, not a simple “I hope that I survive this or that I hope to get a new bike.”Hope is a place, a possibility and smile, hug and a hand reaching out. It’s a wink and a smile.  It’s a guidance into the journey ahead, into the unknown. Sometimes it’s filled with beauty and fairy tales and other times it’s filled with only a tick of a clock – a tiny hop forward into the future, a blink in time, a pause.I ..read more
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PTSD- Lung Cancer
my 20 years - Blog
by Merry
4y ago
PTSD Shine the light on PTSDI was diagnosed with PTSD a couple of years ago. PTSD is triggered by a life threatening event that is beyond your control, like cancer, assault, or combat. Some of us will have symptoms but not recognize them immediately. You might feel detached from people, or feel too stressed and angry to talk to anyone. I became extremely anxious, like a wired cat, hissing at my family for no discernible reasons. I didn’t want them to pay attention to me, ask me questions or know how I was feeling. If I wanted to, I couldn’t have explained it. This all started after I received ..read more
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Fighting Chemo Brain
my 20 years - Blog
by Merry
4y ago
July-October, 2008 Chemo Brain can sneak up on you like a snake hiding in the weeds, saying boo! It can also slowly take over so that you don’t realize that you have it. The time frame is a bit fuzzy because it was years ago and memory isn’t always a fun visit. I remember being startled by the loss of some memory and my recall fuzziness. Recovering from chemotherapy was not what I expected. Nothing prepared me for the struggle I had with my mind. “Time moves in one direction and memory in another.” William Gibson I never thought about chemo brain while I was actively in chemo but it showed up ..read more
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Survival after Chemotherapy
my 20 years - Blog
by Merry
4y ago
Survival after Chemotherapy  2008 Survival after chemotherapy wasn’t going to be as easy as I thought. On my first post-chemo night my husband almost called 911. When I had my blood drawn earlier that day my blood counts were so low the nurses could only give me a one-quarter of a dose of my chemo. And by the time I got home all I could do was sit on the edge of a chair and sit still. My sister came over with a brownie cake for my birthday. I could barely look at it never mind eat it and I love chocolate. A chemical haze had overtaken me and I wondered if I was alive or on my way to being dead ..read more
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Chemotherapy cocktail
my 20 years - Blog
by Merry
4y ago
2008 Chemotherapy Cocktail While sitting in my chair waiting for my first chemotherapy cocktail I wondered what others in the room were thinking. This was my first day of chemotherapy and I would have two chemicals, Cisplatin and Navelbine, alternating twice a week for the next four months. Did they feel like me, excited and petrified at the same time? Excited that I was finally able to get the “full monty,” petrified that it wouldn’t work or that I would lose my hair or be sick as a dog or die. https://www.rxlist.com/cisplatin-side-effects-drug-center.htm. https://my20yearscancer.com/lung-ca ..read more
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Infusion Chemotherapy
my 20 years - Blog
by Merry
4y ago
My chemical infusion journey begins Late June- Late October, 2007 An oncologist at MGH had told me that having infusion chemotherapy would be my choice. He said it was a fifty-fifty chance of it working. Some cancer cells might have already escaped, which could mean that it could spread throughout my body. When it comes to my heath I am not very patient, as a matter of fact when it comes to all things I’m not very patient. I was my father’s girl, waiting to jump on the next thing that comes along and I couldn’t just sit back and wait to see what life brings. It  would be like being dragged und ..read more
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Six month check-up and CT Scan for Lung Cancer
my 20 years - Blog
by Merry
4y ago
Hello everyone- I am sorry about the lapse in time for writing. I’ve been very busy. I joined a pulmonary Rehab center at my local Hospital and have been learning to breathe more efficiently, exercising and generally feeling much much better, more so than I have in a very very long time. My periods of depression have turned into short periods of frustration. I feel that I can do so much more than my lungs will allow me right now. Two weeks ago I graduated from rehab and now I’m on my own for a while to continue my progress. I will return after I recover from another procedure! I feel like a ho ..read more
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