I didn’t say that I don’t remember that That’s not how I remember it I don’t think I said that I wouldn’t say something like that That didn’t happen It wasn’t like that.   Mmm-hmm. Anyone would be forgiven for thinking narcissism came with a side helping of amnesia. There are two separate things going on when a narcissistic individual say they can’t remember clearly what they (or you) said or did. One is their internal attempts at ordering their world so they are always the hero and everything is always golden. The other is gaslighting, a form of psychological, manipulative abuse where t ..read more

I’ve recently read a really good book on narcissism, “Rethinking Narcissism” by Craig Malkin. He describes types of narcissism along a continuum with NPD at one extreme and what he calls echoism at the other end. All people fall somewhere along this line of either extreme deprecation and need lack, to extreme self-absorption and need demands. Malkin discusses several really important things in his book (he is a professor at Harvard Medical School, lectures in psychotherapy, is world expert on treating narcissism and had a narcissistic mother himself), this continuum of narcissism whi ..read more

What is it about someone else’s Big Day that brings out the worst attention seeking nonsense in my MIL? I know I’m not the only one with this problem. I’ve read so many stories about other people having weddings and birthdays spoiled by their MIL trying to control everything or creating some drama which is all about her on the very day of the celebration. Looking back I realise I first came across this when I got engaged to my husband-to-be and she did and said nothing. I’ve come to realise that an inappropriate non-reaction is just as hijacking as a stirring up some drama about herself. Then ..read more

The Case For Well duh! Of course they are. I mean let’s just pause for a moment and consider all the horrible things they do to you… You only have to read a few articles by people who have had relationships with narcissists or had one in their family to come across headlines like this; “20 Diversion Tactics Highly Manipulative Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths Use To Silence You” “The Secret Language of Narcissists: How Abusers Manipulate their Victims.” “If You Are the Target of Narcissistic Abuse” Read on and the descriptions inside are like the plot of a nasty psychol ..read more

  Ow! ow! hot hot! Here you have it, catch! Suddenly you are feeling cross, or anxious or guilty about something and yet you weren’t a minute ago. In fact you were perfectly content a minute ago and then your other half started a seemingly innocuous conversation and there was something in how they said it, in the edge to their tone, the way they phrased things, in what wasn’t said explicitly which has left you infuriated, or worried when you weren’t. Job done. You have just been a participant in a game of pass the hot potato. Or as psychologists call it, projective identification. Let me ..read more

“Ouch”, says your ego as it a feels a burn, deliberate or otherwise. It’s funny how our modern access to the internet and people all over the world lead to a world of butt-hurt on internet comments sections. As an exercise in uncovering the various ways people can wriggle about when they feel they have been criticised it is fascinating. Some men tend to get very aggressive from the get-go, personally attacking the people disagreeing with them, others fall into snobby intellectualism and suppose they are the expert on everything, some are blatantly sexist (go make me a sandwich). Women tend to ..read more

Lie – to speak falsely or utter untruth knowingly, as with intent to deceive Pathological Lying – long history (maybe lifelong history) of frequent and repeated lying for which no apparent psychological motive or external benefit can be discerned Confabulation – to fabricate imaginary experiences as compensation for loss of memory Delusion – a belief or impression maintained despite being contradicted by reality or rational argument, typically as a symptom of mental disorder I posed myself a question in response to my MILs flat out denial that she had ignored our request t ..read more

With apologies to non-christians reading this blog, phew we have survived Christmas, just about, without having to see the MIL. Because we are low-to-no-contact with the evil MIL Christmas hijacking this year was confined to the presents, as always. It has got so bad that my husband has started opening the presents she sends us before Christmas to check that she has not done the exact opposite of what we have asked and sent the children something wholly unsuitable or vindictive. She likes to send “messages” via her gifts. Like badly trained dogs leave little brown “messages” all over the local ..read more

I was musing on a heartfelt comment a reader had left asking for more information about anxious-withholding attachment types. I had wracked my brains trying to thing of what else I could write and then out of the blue an article popped up in my Facebook news feed which hit the nail on the head. It was one of those ah-ha articles where I suddenly understood something, ‘ping’ the lightbulb went off. You see I had got myself all confused about what emotionally withholding actually meant. In my mind it was all cold-hearted bastard behaviour, the guy who never returns your calls, doesn’t like cuddl ..read more

(Part 2 of a two part post on the psychological grooming of children by a narcissistic grandmother.) If you are having problems with a narcissistic grandmother wheedling her insidious way into your child’s affections you need to not just understand how it is happening but what to do to counteract it. The fight back begins not by pointing the finger at your messed up mother-in-law but by taking a look at the climate she has created around the child, in the family as a whole. What has been done that has allowed this to occur? Tackle this and she is powerless forever. So what has happened to crea ..read more