Soon I mark five years since you have been gone. It's a milestone "they" say. I have heard lots about the five year mark. It's the time you can talk about memories and not cry, it's when things start to get back to "normal". It's when most widows are re married by. None are true for me. What it is is five years without you. I still sometimes feel shocked when I realize this, like where the hell have I been ? What the hell has happened?  I remember cutting onions for a barbecue about 3 months after your death. I was in the kitchen and I was literally bowled over in shock that you were not here ..read more