I need your jiu jitsu therapy again, o vast and all-knowing readers.  About a year Before Covid (BC), my native gym closed down--the one where I trained from a lowly white belt, made great friends, and found my stride.  Eight months BC, I decided on a new gym. I worried that I wouldn't fit in. I was a brown-belt, dare I say over-promoted by my laissez-faire gym environment that focused more on training consistently with pals then going for the gold. To be sure, I welcomed a more challenging environment. I wanted to improve. I set my ego off the mat, tied on my brown belt (because it ..read more

This was my first night back on the mats post-Covid lockdown. Last night I rolled with a new white belt, one month in.  “What do you want to work on?” I asked. “Breaking the guard and getting to side control,” New White Belt replied. NWB seems about thirty, not too tall, not too short. Average build, maybe a little meaty. I would guess he’s about 160-170 pounds. “Well, that will be easy to do on me.” My stubby legs usually they pop open with no resistance.  I wrapped my legs around NWB, barely connecting my feet together. NWB took a deep breath, stared at the ceiling, went over the b ..read more

 Most of the time I am the only woman at my gym. Every now and then, a pair of women will come in, stay for a bit, move on. Sometimes a singleton will brave a class or two. Most do not stay. Let’s face it, most guys do not stay, either, am I right? You have to be a special kind of person to enjoy being smushed repeatedly, miserably punished, striving bleakly to overcome the gargantuan dude crushing your thorax.      But, some guys do stay. Almost all girls leave. Perhaps it is their acculturation--it’s not nice to beat people up. I know I had to “unlearn” that. Bu ..read more

On a normal day, I'm not much to look at. My eyes are too small, my nose is too prominent, my face too splotchy.  Some days I make it to cute. The head-turning--that's for my sister. She can stop a fire truck with her good looks, even after age 50. But there is one time, and one time only, that I turn heads. That is when I've just had a blow out.  Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. But you dudes might be scratching your MMA-shaved heads right now.  A blow out is when a stylist blows your hair dry.  Usually Shark Girl ain't got time to worry about hair. I let it ..read more

So, after almost four months, I started rolling again. My jiu jitsu best friend and I decided to "pod" together. We only roll with each other. To do this, we discussed our coronavirus exposure tolerance and interrogated each other on our personal contact lists and our disinfecting routines. Then we made it official: we were exclusive. We would only roll with each other. I am in a big, midlife jiu jitsu crisis right now. Switching gyms threw me. It shook my confidence in myself. It broke my social reasons for going to class. Sometimes I wonder why I am still practicing. My coach is a nice gu ..read more

"We won't shake hands anymore," my coach instructed. "And we won't tap hands before rolling."      "But then we're going to roll, right?" someone asked.      "Yes." This exchange happened after reminders to wash our gis after every class. This is jiu jitsu in the time of coronavirus. But they look so cute! Like Frankenberries! I was not sure whether to go to class on Thursday night. All around me are recommendations of social distancing. Jiu jitsu is the opposite of that. You get in close, you hug your partner, your gi soaks up the sweat beading off your partner's forehead. . . . I know. When ..read more

Jiu jitsu is even fucking harder as a small person.  I know what they say—size doesn’t matter. But let’s be honest. That’s a myth in just about any arena. When you are tiny, everyone is bigger than you. Brand new white belts can muscle you. Brand new white belts freak out when they see you because you they are like, “Oh, damn! A 100# brown-belted, middle-aged woman creeping toward AARP eligibility. Damn! If she beats me my penis will fall off!”  The other night a new small dude joined our gym. (Mind you, a small dude is still has about 35% more body weight than me.) I was partnered wit ..read more

It's been just over four months at my new gym. I am still filled with self-doubt each time I suit up. But I have made it this far and it is time to take stock of what I have learned. Much of what I am going to say is not new or earth-shattering. It is mostly a reinforcement of what we already know—stuff it is good to be reminded of every now and again. Some of what I have learned is about what students need from their teachers, and it has informed (reinforced) concepts in my professional life as a teacher, too. I have a lot to say, so my plan is to put it out in installments.   Behol ..read more

I got mansplained by a white belt. I get it. I suck. But at least have the decency to feign respect. Literally, he tried to tell me why top pressure is important. Thanks, pal. I'm fucking 100 pounds. I think I know a bit about top pressure. Then he went on to say that, when I have someone in good pressure, I should wait for them to try to escape and then think ahead and catch them in a sub. Again, thanks. I nodded politely and smiled. There's more: He said that when he rolled with someone significantly bigger and stronger than him, he took that opportunity to work on his escapes. I don't ..read more

Lately, Shark Girl has been thinking a lot about what jiu jitsu means to her. As I face a terrifying start at a new gym , I wonder whether it’s time to give up jiu jitsu forever in favor of less injurious pursuits. Therefore, I keep coming back to this: why do I do jiu jitsu? A few reasons bubble up. The first is that I am a control freak. Undisputed. Capital C. But that’s not what I want to talk about today. I’ll save that for another post. Today I want to talk about how for me, jiu jitsu is a conversation. My partner says something to me and I respond. "How you doin', pal?" "Not ..read more