This post is about love. The love of yourself despite endless temptation otherwise. I've always struggled with self love in the sense of taking care of myself, with prioritizing my own needs and well-being. Being diagnosed with ADHD a couple of years ago shed a lot of light on this recurring, doomed-to-be-repeated theme in my life. It explained my tendency to spring into action to take care of the latest mini-crisis at the expense of myself whether with work, life, or family.                  "A recent study also found that the ADHD brai ..read more

Me and Serena, enjoying a *little* sun (with a lot of sunscreen) at Jordan Lake, Aug 2023. I'm waiting on results from the kidney biopsy I had a few days ago. I've been in a fairly relaxed state of suspended reality, living as fully as possible in the space before good or bad news, the space of denial and infinite possibilities. Dipping toes into the "what ifs." Taking pleasure in the fact that right now, I am ok. If this moment lasts forever, I will be okay forever.  ..read more

My one-year kidney tx anniversary came and went with little fanfare. Two of my bestest buddies sent me messages, which brightened my day. ☀️ I called my brother, my wonderful, wonderful living donor. ? I might not be here today without him. It’s impossible to overstate how much gratitude I feel toward him. In general, life has been difficult.  It started, in earnest, with contacting Covid over the July 4th holiday. While I escaped the most severe phase thanks to Paxlovid, I missed almost two weeks of work due to brain fog and inability to focus on anything except for episodes of The Menta ..read more

I've made some progress in my living donor search.  A couple of people that I know of have contacted Duke (for which I am eternally grateful!) but didn't make it past the initial screen (too old and predisposition to cancer). Another person did make it through the initial screening and is undergoing some further testing. But there are additional complications that would come with this particular person's donation that don't make it ideal.  A good friend of mine made me some business cards that I can give out to refer people to Duke's living donor referral survey and website with in ..read more

Hello, my friends! I took a few years off from blogging... At the 2018 Transplant Games of America, I had a revelation. I realized how far I had come since my surgery, and I tapped into a deep desire for change and growth. And, for the first time since my lung transplant in 2014, I felt healthy enough, and brave enough, to explore what exactly this meant. Unfortunately, it ended up being the beginning of the most emotionally difficult months of my life.  So, I did what many people would do: I found a really great therapist! My therapist helped me to slow down and really evaluate why these ..read more

Some of my favorite clouds spotted recently - mare's tails! Doc and Sam are now on a three walk per day schedule. Three very sloooow walks. In theory, going out with the dogs is a wonderful thing - getting a little exercise, enjoying the "fresh air" and neighborhood nature, and checking out the changes people are making to their houses. In reality, the situation is rarely that pleasant whether it's the constant sniffing stops, fighting the heat and mosquitoes in the summer or picking up a nasty poo. Since I am on my own with the dogs this week I am walking them more than usual. The ..read more

Sunshine before the storm I sit listening to the gusts of wind outside and the rain drops intermittently hitting the living room window: What at first seemed like a bear approaching has turned out to be a mere fluttering of wind and rain. I texted with a friend the other day about how things were going in Raleigh, directly in Hurricane Florence's target: "Good news for us but bad news for someone else," I started, before explaining that the forecast had become ever more favorable in the last day or so. Fortunately we'd had warning of the storm since Monday (or at least that's the first day ..read more

If you're just seeing this, I encourage you to start with Part I. Also, here's a link to a short video I made while in house. Toward the end of the second night with my angelic nurse, I finally got a few hours of GOOD sleep. I can't tell you how amazing this was! My nurse and I had made an earnest attempt to line up all my bedtime medications to preempt pain, nausea and fever, but it was the ear plugs and sleeping mask she dug up for me - plus a good dose of sleeping medicine - that really did the trick. The next morning I was temporarily elated by my few hours of good sleep. My fever was ..read more

If you're just tuning in, check out Part I and Part II before reading this. After 17 hours in the ED, at around 8:30pm, I finally got assigned a room on the transplant floor, 7800. By morning on Feb 1st, I was actually feeling a bit better after fluids and my first doses of antibiotics and Tamiflu in the ED. I had a fever that morning but then it let up for most of the rest of the day. I was still having intermittent nausea but they give me meds to help with that. I still had a fever. The pain in my lung is a little better, but I feel like I'm wheezing and have a productive cough ..read more

Missed Part I? Read it here. I woke up at 2 am with a pain in my right lung: I could feel it when I breathed in. Prior to transplant, this would not have been a big deal - I had all kinds of lung pain, mostly the result of infections or small blockages in my airways. But these were my new lungs, and this, therefore, was something different. I hardly hesitated before waking up Todd. I packed a bag (one for a long wait and another of overnight hospital essentials) while Todd tried his best to wake up mid-sleep, and we arrived at the Duke Emergency Department about 3 am. I checked in and was ..read more