ADHD & Marriage News - April 17, 2024 Quote of the Week “One problem is that a lot of stories default to fear for the motivator. But that doesn't last long.  Fear stimulates the amygdala, which bypasses the logical thinking part of the brain.  So, the response to fear is jumbled and doesn't last.  You need to flip the story to how you can be better tomorrow rather than provide fear-based messaging.” - Dr. Sanjay Gupta The Unintended Consequences of the D-word The first time the word ‘divorce’ is used in a relationship, everything changes.  But perhaps not the w ..read more

ADHD & Marriage News - April 13, 2024 Quote of the Week “Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves. Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows.  Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed, and rare.” - Brene Brown Love is to be Nurtured Do you think about loving yourself as the base upon which lov ..read more

ADHD & Marriage News - April 3, 2024 Quote of the Week “One of the pieces of advice I was given as I was heading out into battlefields was that if I thought this was going to be the end I should write a letter.  Nothing clarifies what you care about most as the idea that you could lose it all.  How would you summarize your life in a few sentences?  You'll be amazed at what comes out.” - Dr. Sanjay Gupta, journalist and neuroscientist Letter from the Battlefield This is a powerful idea for identifying what is truly most meaningful to you.  Who would you write to?&nbs ..read more

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 03/15/2024. Resources Blogger Alice Sammon and her partner did an experiment to capture how effective some of my most popular communication methods might be for them.  She reports their experiences (and success, I'm happy to say!) with verbal cues, learning conversations, good apologies and conflict intimacy in this post.  She also adds some helpful tips about how they made sure both partners can use the strategies effectively.  Curious?  Go check out her post. Alice and her husband took my couples seminar.  I spoke with her recently a ..read more

ADHD & Marriage News - March 13, 2024 Quote of the Week “…In this study, partners were randomly assigned to either engage in a task meant to reduce their energy needed for behavioral self-control… adults with ADHD appear to be more susceptible than adults without ADHD to discordant communication and problem solving with their partners during moments when their ability to inhibit aversive communication behavior is weakened.  In summary, there is reason to suspect that emotion dysregulation, and lack of psychological resources needed to inhibit emotional reactions, increases risk ..read more

ADHD & Marriage News - March 7, 2024 Quote of the Week “Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that.  Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” - Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Light and Love I love this image as a call out for love, and want to pursue the analogy as it applies to ADHD-impacted relationships. An important ray of light that is useful for both ADHD partners and non-ADHD partners is learning to be more self-compassionate.  In doing so you shower yourself with love.  When your inner hurt little child shows up, you can observe them and g ..read more

ADHD & Marriage News - February 21, 2024 Quote of the Week “What has struck me with increasing frequency and conviction…is how much the way that women with ADHD struggle with cultural expectations is similar to the way that other women struggle with things such as growing older or body image.  The challenge for all women is to break free from the cultural ideals they have internalized and begin to define for themselves what it truly means to be a competent and valuable woman, mother, or partner.” - Sari Solden More on Women with ADHD Have you ever thought “I need to do better!” in ..read more

ADHD & Marriage News - February 15, 2024 Quote of the Week “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.” - Maya Angelou What's Your Untold Story? I think most of us have untold stories inside of us.  I was lucky in that I like to write, and get at least some of mine out in my work.  I enjoy the process of thinking about what stories need to be told. But I think there are other stories that are harder to access: The pain of dreaming your life would be one way and having it turn out another About loneliness in a relationship, or not feeling seen ..read more

ADHD & Marriage News - February 7, 2024 Quote of the Week “If you need something and it feels silly to need it, then own your silly need.  Resist the urge to rationalize it away.  Resist the urge to rationalize, period, if something doesn’t feel right." - Carolyn Hax Own Your Needs An interesting thing about the word ‘silly.’  It’s quite judgmental.  And yet I am guessing we have all used this sort of judgmental language or thinking before.  I know I have. We all have needs and feelings.  They are real.  If you put them aside by calling them sill ..read more

ADHD & Marriage News - February 2, 2024 Quote of the Week “Someone gets defensive as a means of avoiding accountability and getting the other person to back off." - Seth Meyers, PsyD Defensive One of the biggest barriers to good communication between partners impacted by ADHD is defensiveness.  And I hear about LOTS of it.  That’s not surprising, given the nature of ADHD-impacted relationships.  But what to do? Here are some specific paths to pursue: Defensiveness may be so severe that it actually indicates Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD).  Read this article if ..read more