I know, the world feels precarious to many these days. That precariousness is heightened by those who would seek to deny science, instead relying on leaders who spew their own brand of information. They appeal to those financially disenfranchised, those whose anger is ready to be fueled. It works. Sadly. There is no arguing with many of these folks. They are locked into nonsensical perspectives unable to see the fallacies of their logic. I remember a logical fallacy I held deeply as a young person. I thought the whole world was Jewish. Considering I grew up the first 11 years of my in the Jewi ..read more

There’s a concept known as over-accommodating. That is when the parent seeks to be supportive of a child expressing some sort of difficulty and does so in a way that is disproportionate to the need or in a way that lessens or dials back their expectation. As such, the parent is seeking to be helpful, not at all realizing that their response to the child’s issue is actually enabling it. This can occur with the child hurts themself minimally, expresses a fear (anxiety), or simply a dislike. In these instances, there is nothing truly tragic or unsafe or unreasonable, but the child carries on as i ..read more

Admittedly, I am a workaholic. My dad was a workaholic. My brothers are workaholics. I love what I do. I love meeting and working with people. I love writing. I love presenting. I love what I do. Years ago, working from home, our son came to my office to grab some time with me. I blew him off. It wasn’t long after I felt the heat of Arlene’s gaze at my back. I dared to turn. She let me know I blew off our son. I found him. We spent some time together. He was energized. I went back to work. I wasn’t going to live this down though. I needed to dial it back. It was hard for me to remain mindful ..read more

In the 70s I was interested in photography. My parents let me make a darkroom out of the basement washroom. I wanted to try taking pictures in various places. On one occasion I approached a surgeon, friend of our neighbor, to see if I could photograph a surgery. It happened! I observed and photographed a lumpectomy; removal of a bullet; and hernia repair. This took place at Branson Hospital in North York. I also learned I wasn’t cut out to be a surgeon, pardon the pun. On another occasion I asked a traffic reporter pilot if I could join her in the helicopter for a morning traffic report. That ..read more

When developing a parenting plan with a coparent who either may not show up or return the kids when they should, set it up so they must pick the kids up at the start of their time and that you retrieve them for your time. Always have a contingency plan for when the coparent is a no show. Make it clear you will only wait an hour before invoking your own plans, no longer waiting. Don’t argue about this, but be clear and well documented. Keep a log of the coparent’s arrival times and any missed pick-ups. Do not assume responsibility for their misses or transportation. Do not compensate by having ..read more

Difficult conversations. They’re necessary. They require transparency and authenticity. Those difficult conversations can allow people into your thinking, your concerns. Those difficult conversations can help others make sense of their experience with you and their questioning of the moods that may surround them. Difficult conversations may require preparation, not necessarily of the other, but of oneself. Difficult conversations requires a capacity to own issues and resist defensiveness while still having boundaries for things not necessarily appropriate to get into. Although often scary, tho ..read more

That gaslighting. It causes so many to believe they are somehow to blame for matters actually originating with their partner. Ways to tell if you are being gaslighted include: If you feel somehow someone has flipped the script and you find yourself on the defensive when trying to address their behavior; If you find yourself confused in the discussion wondering if you did did something wrong; If you find the other disproportionately angry for things you are simply trying to clarify or resolve. Gaslighting can be crazy making. You feel like you’re out of your mind with this person, but yet with ..read more

They weren’t the worst of separating parents. Each was focused on missing their child. They were also focused on creating an easy parenting plan. The child was three. They chose a week about schedule. A week with each parent and change over Friday before dinner. Trouble was, that three-year-old missed both parents too. By the third day the child was distraught. It came out as problems with eating, sleeping and toileting. By the time changeover came, the child was a mess. Both parents wondered about the care the other was providing not realizing the child was missing the absent parent. With tha ..read more

Your teen escalates and you seek to restore order. Many a parent will try to exert greater power and control over the teen. However, that typically results in an escalation… of both teen and parent. Then the parent will escalate threats, usually framed as loss of privileges or resources. The length of time for which such is taken away grows as the conflict continues. Sadly this too only escalates anger, distress and conflict. Really, to restore calm, it’s up to the parent to restore their own calm first. Once the parent gets a grip on themselves, empathy for the teen is required. You see, unde ..read more

The parent wondered why their child didn’t listen. I observed the parent and child. Whenever the child didn’t listen to a direction, the parent turned to me and offered a reason why the child didn’t do as asked. At the same time the parent would say, they were sorry to the child for whatever the child was feeling about the expectation There was no meaningful follow through to require the child to do as asked. The parent didn’t realize that when they allowed these excuses, the child took it as permission to not follow through. The parent truly didn’t see themselves as the real issue with the ch ..read more