My mother married my stepfather when I was 6. I remember always being very uneasy around him. I never felt safe. Even at around 8 years old – I used to hang a chime on my bedroom door handle, so I would wake up if someone came in my room. They went on to have 2 children, one 7 years younger than me, one 10 years younger than me. I loved them like they were my own children and cared for them often more than our mother. My stepfather made a lot of inappropriate comments about my body as a child and teenager. He would often walk in the bathroom while I was showering. We weren’t allowed to lock t ..read more

My Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD ~ Lilly Hope Lucario I am so excited to announce my book is here and it has been many years of hard work, healing and writing to get to this point. Available to purchase here https://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com I am so thrilled to have a wonderful review from the Best Selling Author Shannon Thomas LCSW – author of Healing from Hidden Abuse & Healing from Hidden Abuse. I am so delighted to finally have this book available for anyone who may find it useful. This book contains a wealth of information about my healing journey, includ ..read more

Throughout my work online and in my own counseling, I’ve considered the issue of abuse survivors reacting back to their abusers, being deemed by many as abuse. It’s not abuse. It’s not ‘mutual abuse’, or whatever other victim blaming terms people want to use. When being abused, it’s only natural that at some point – the victim may react back. This can be verbally or physically. But this is a defense. This is not abuse. This reaction would not occur, if the victim wasn’t being subjected to abuse. If baffles me that people do believe that the behaviour of the victim needs to be seen to be ‘perf ..read more

Several years ago, after passing out and breaking bones in my hand, I was diagnosed with Vasovagal Syncope caused by extreme distress, due to domestic violence and trauma. Prior to that, I had also been diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The vasovagal syncope, caused me to have repeated dizziness, going unconscious and physical injury, as a result. It also causes fatigue, sleep issues and this all exacerbates my PTSD symptoms. It’s something I am still dealing with on a daily basis. After a lot of hospital tests, to check my heart, my brain, blood flow etc, vasovagal synco ..read more

Throughout the trauma of my marriage separation, seeking a domestic violence order, divorce etc, lawyers were involved. Lawyers have their opinions, usually based on their own life experiences and their need to believe their clients and their desire to make a lot of money. Like with many people, lawyers will want to believe that an abusive partner, will still somehow love their children and have a right to contact with their children. Lawyers make money pushing this narrative and seem to care far more about that, than the rights of children to be free from abusive parents, or the children or a ..read more

During my 20 year marriage to a narcissistic domestic violence perpetrator, I endured sexual abuse and rape. Not of the kind of rape most people think of – the stranger who attacks a woman and violently rapes her. The sexual abuse I endured, was the kind many women don’t even realise is sexual abuse. Being the survivor of child sexual abuse and sexual abuse as a teenager – I was the perfect target for sexual abuse as an adult. I had no boundaries and no self esteem. My ex-husband, is a highly narcissistic, sociopathic abuser. He’s malicious, likes seeing people hurt and in distress – including ..read more

I have been aware for some years now, as to how few people can (or choose not to) discern narcissism and toxic behaviours. The Johnny Depp / Amber Heard court case in 2022, however, has even shocked me – as to how few people will discern narcissistic abusers and domestic violence perpetrators and their tactics. It’s been an eye opener for me, that even some of those who claim to be advocates for domestic violence victims and even domestic violence survivors, are supporting Depp. Something I find extremely alarming. The Depp/Heard case is a classic case of most of society on a worldwide stage ..read more

  I came across an article written about Don Hennessey and his insight and work in domestic violence and it resonated with me immediately. Don Hennessey is the Director of the National Domestic Violence Intervention Agency and has decades of experience and research into domestic violence perpetrators and victims/targets. His insight it truly amazing and his compassion for victims is beautiful. This is the article I read: www.independent.ie/au/irish-news/men-who-abuse-women-use-the-same-tactics-as-pedophiles-and-ive-never-met-one-who-wanted-to-change-says-author-of-how-he-gets-in-her-head ..read more

Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse – where the perpetrator is twisting the reality of the victim’s situation, to cause them confusion, make them doubt themselves, doubt their perception of what is occurring, make them feel like they are going crazy, wear them down and continue to abuse them. Gaslighting is very common with psychological abusers. My ex is a psychological, emotional, verbal, sexual and physical abuser. He’s also highly narcissistic and sociopathic. For a large proportion of our marriage, he sexually abused me. He bullied, harassed, coerced and abused me into unwanted ..read more

Complex trauma is ongoing or repeated inter-personal trauma – abuse and neglect – caused by other people. Often this ongoing abuse causes Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and/or Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Trust issues are one of the debilitating and life impacting results of enduring complex trauma. It’s very understandable, when you consider the survivor has been subjected to ongoing harm, particularly when from those they were meant to be able to trust, rely on and feel safe with. This is intensified when the abuse/trauma was endured was in childhood. Not learning how to develop ..read more