Using PACT to Fight Fair
The PACT Institute Blog
by stantatkinblog
4y ago
By Kate Balestrieri, Psy.D., CSAT-S, CST PACT Level 2 Therapist www.triunetherapy.com All couples fight. Therapists know this. Couples (most couples) know this. But in the moment, it feels like annihilation for a couple ill-prepared to stay attuned and remain committed to a secure-functioning endeavor. Disagreements and fights are healthy, and the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT) model works with couples to help them preserve their relationship and fight in a manner respectful to one another and the bond they share. Tatkin (2018) notes the crux of disrupted efforts to remai ..read more
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Communication 101: Speak and Be Heard, Part 1
The PACT Institute Blog
by stantatkinblog
4y ago
By Kara Hoppe, MA, LMFT PACT Level 2 Therapist karahoppe.com As a couple therapist, I’ve learned that relationships are like fingerprints: each one is unique. Even though each couple reaches out for couple therapy for a variety of reasons, they all, at some point during our initial consultation, ask for the same thing – communication tools. Communicating with your partner can be downright difficult. Some topics are hard to talk about so partners stay silent, which can create a sour divide in the partnership. Or, topics are so emotionally charged that each conversation becomes a boxing match. T ..read more
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If Therapy Is Medicine, How Do We Prevent Overdose?
The PACT Institute Blog
by stantatkinblog
4y ago
Allison Howe, LMHC PACT Level 2 Therapist, PACT Ambassador https://allisonhowelmhc.com Couples come to our office in distress. They want to feel better. For me, PACT therapy provides medicine for the couple. PACT is an approach designed to alleviate the symptoms that come from an insecure, unfair, insensitive relationship that isn’t operating in a way that works for both partners. If we define therapy as “medicine,” we need to understand its constitution. What are its active ingredients? How is dosage determined? What does an overdose look like? Have you ever overdosed a couple? I have. I kno ..read more
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With Love from Big Sur: Building the Couple Bubble
The PACT Institute Blog
by stantatkinblog
4y ago
By Jason Brand, LCSW PACT Ambassador, Level 2 jasonbrand.com On a rainy Sunday afternoon in May, we wrapped up the Wired for Love Couples Retreat at Esalen in Big Sur, California. I assisted Stan Tatkin and Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin with 30 couples who came to find out how PACT can strengthen their relationship. This scenario illustrates how couples learn to shift their focus from self-protecting to strengthening their couple bubble. The couple bubble is a mutually constructed and maintained eco-system that provides protection from an often challenging outside world.  Friday Evening: Shelter f ..read more
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Healing Trauma Relationally Through PACT
The PACT Institute Blog
by stantatkinblog
4y ago
Healing Trauma Relationally Through PACT By Jeff Cohen, MFT PACT Level III Therapist, PACT Ambassador JeffCohenMFT.com When Gayle and Paul came to see me, it was clear that Gayle felt Paul was the problem. Paul was taciturn to an unusual degree and could be quick to anger. For her part, Gayle presented as highly verbal, competent, and overtly friendly; adept at managing the tasks of their family and her career. Though I didn’t know of Paul’s trauma when we first met — he lived in terror of upsetting a threatening stepmother and a physically punishing older brother — his manner and speech sug ..read more
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Love Notes from Piano Camp
The PACT Institute Blog
by stantatkinblog
5y ago
By Susan Orenstein, Ph.D. PACT Level 2 Therapist, PACT Ambassador orensteinsolutions.com Let me start at the beginning of our love story. My freshman year at Brown University, a resident counselor introduced me to another student because we both had a love of piano. Growing up, when I played for others, they would politely wait until I finished and offer a general compliment. But when the student to whom I had just been introduced heard me play, instead of general platitudes, he offered constructive feedback. I remember being thrown for a loop but also impressed that he truly listened and wa ..read more
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Working with Families – PACT Style
The PACT Institute Blog
by stantatkinblog
5y ago
By Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT PACT Co-Founder http://thepactinstitute.com Two main issues face the PACT family therapy process: Structure and Attendance. Structure A challenge within typical family therapy is the structure that holds some family members to their particular family roles. While viewing members within the system frame is valuable, especially when it comes to various roles different members play, it can also restrict the flow of information as some members expand and express while others contract and remain in the background.  Using the PACT method to do family therapy may be more e ..read more
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How Secure-Functioning Principles Help Parents Who Are Divorcing
The PACT Institute Blog
by stantatkinblog
5y ago
By Edna Avraham, LMFT PACT Ambassador, Level III Therapist ednaavraham.com The Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT) focuses on helping and coaching couples to “secure” each other in order to reduce threat, thrive, and grow closer. While they are designed for couples who want to deepen their connection, PACT principles can also apply to uncoupling or divorcing parents. Some of the secure-functioning principles are: Thinking in terms of WE, the two people in the couple Making the relationship a priority over other relationships in your life Being sensitive and considerate of each ..read more
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Techniques to Help Distressed Couples Slow Down and Reconnect
The PACT Institute Blog
by stantatkinblog
5y ago
By Debra Campbell, MS, LMFT PACT Ambassador, Level 3 gocuris.com/debracampbell.html When a couple comes to our office, they bring a dynamic in the relationship that pains them.  Neither partner sees the issue in the same way, and they don’t know how to solve it.  Often, they’ve argued about it repeatedly. Talking about it just starts the argument again. The rate at which the disagreement escalates is an indicator of how many times they’ve argued the same issue.  We know they’re not dealing with anything new because the brain deals with novelty much more slowly than something we have habituate ..read more
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Do You Have Your Partner’s “Owner Manual”?
The PACT Institute Blog
by stantatkinblog
5y ago
By Lisa Rabinowitz, LCPC PACT Level II Therapist https://baltimorecounselor.com/  In your romantic relationship, paying attention to your partner’s responses and attitudes is especially prudent. Observing impressions and reactions can help you become more in tune with a partner’s likes and dislikes. I refer to this practice as “obtaining your partner’s ‘owner manual.’” For example, if I say the word rollercoaster, most people have a strong response, whether positive or negative. If I then plan a trip to an amusement park with my partner – and I love amusement parks – that’s great for me, but d ..read more
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