“To achieve a lasting loving bond, we have to be able to tune in to our deepest needs and longings and translate them into clear signals that help our lovers respond to us. We have to be able to accept love and to reciprocate. Above all, we have to recognize and accept the primal code of attachment rather than attempting to dismiss and bypass it. In many love relationships, attachment needs and fears are hidden agendas, directing the action but never being acknowledged. It is time to acknowledge these agendas so that we can actively shape the love we so badly need.” Sue Johnson in Love Secret ..read more

We come to believe that, in a place where love exists between two people, there is not space for any negative emotions to co-exist, especially fear. In my work with couples, I have come to observe that people get really confused when they feel intense anger, disappointment, hurt, or even numbness toward the one that they once felt so surely love for. "Sometimes, I feel that I am going crazy! My mood swings are too much, at times I want to be closer to him and ask for reassurance, other times he makes me so angry or hurt, and I just want distance!", someone once told me. And I respond: "Of cour ..read more

There is an existential side of us, humans, that longs to be seen, to be good enough, to be loved enough and appreciated by others. Thus, there are 4 questions we unconsciously ask others, especially to our partner. Do you want to learn what those questions are? Click on the link below: https://www.thriveglobal.com/stories/16020-4-questions-we-unconsciously-ask-near-constantly  ..read more

Couples who are caught up in a negative and vicious cycle, struggle to see any alternative solutions outside the current way they are acting towards one another. Because this cycle also touches "tender spots" or "vulnerabilities" in each person, the consequent reaction is to often blame the other person for the pain caused (read Are You Stuck in a Vicious Cycle With Your Partner?, for more details on negative cycles in relationships). As a couples therapist, I see my role as one of supporting couples to "unlock" the rigid patterns and reconnect. However, there is a component of the success of ..read more

In a previous post, Bonding in Adult Romantic Relationships, I wrote about "vicious" cycles in relationships and how couples get stuck in them. Today, I will expand on this concept to tell you more about what these cycles are, why they occur, what happens when they are activated and a few tips on how to minimize them. What is a (vicious) cycle? A (vicious) cycle is basically a pattern or a habit that you and your partner become stuck in an attempt to overcome a stressful event. Some therapists have called the vicious cycle "vulnerability cycle". The use of the word "vulnerability" serves to e ..read more

Love is one of the most powerful feelings experienced by humans. Much has been said and written about love in the literature, movies, and pop culture. In more recent decades, a huge body of research on love and romantic relationships has been developed within psychology. One of the most interesting findings has suggested that romantic partners develop between them a strong emotional connection similar to the one between children and parents. This finding is important because it sheds light on the nature of love in adulthood and why/how couples establish a deep and strong emotional connection ..read more

For those of us who grew up watching Disney movies such as the Sleeping Beauty and Snow White, we remember the feeling of "fuzziness" felt afterwards. We still have present in our minds the scene where Sleeping Beauty is laying down dormant waiting for her Prince Charming to kiss her back to life. Scenes such these become hallmarks of love and conquest for kids growing up, against which we (unconsciously) judged potential lovers. But, in reality, how have Disney movies, such as Sleeping Beauty, and social media in general, influenced our views and expectations on love; and how these impact th ..read more

It was with great surprise that, on the last day of the month of July, that this blog and website were considered the Top 100 Marriage Counseling Blogs and Websites for Couples by FeedSpot Blog Reader! We had not apply for any sort of competition, but seeing that people recognized and appreciated the effort and care we put into our work was amazing! We are so honored. We hope to be able to continue helping all the couples that seek us for help with their marriages. Please click here to read the full article ..read more

It is people's natural tendency to be emotionally connected to others, to the surrounding world and to themselves. Within psychology, there are long-standing views of "psychological ailments" as a sign of mental dysfunction, a sign that something in people is inadequate and needs fixing. These views transpired into society and impact how we understand and accept our own emotional struggles. In reality, some emotional struggles are a symbol of disconnection from oneself, from others or from the world . In fact, depression, anxiety, burnout can be an external manifestation of an innate need to ..read more

The society that we live in is one that puts a lot of emphasis on the values of reason, pragmatism and utilitarianism. With this comes the loss of understanding people in all their complexity. People are also beings that need emotions, fantasy, vulnerability. Humans have a deep need for connection with themselves; to live in its most natural and pure state, without defences but spontaneously. Our "true" self is like a child: curious, wants connection with others, and lives in the present moment, without carrying the regrets from the past nor the pressure of the future. Just being. We all aspi ..read more