When life’s hardships weigh heavily on our minds, finding a way to heal and move forward is crucial. One modality that has been gaining popularity lately is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy. In this article, we’ll explore EMDR therapy in simple terms, share real-life stories to show how it can help regular people overcome various challenges, delve into its applications, and outline its history and the science behind it.   What is EMDR Therapy? EMDR therapy can be thought of similar to a guide that helps us deal with difficult memories and feelings. Imagine it a ..read more

We have developed this free, do-it-yourself couples’ questionnaire, specifically designed for couples wanting to future-proof their relationship, and determine their true compatibility. Backed by 20+ years of couples’ Psychology. At The Hart Centre, our mission is to help people find their way back to love. And, with over 20,000 (and counting) couples’ we’ve helped, we like to think we know a thing or two about what determines a couples’ ability to go the distance. Relationships have evolved in many wonderful ways, and marriage isn’t the only way to commit to one another anymore. Many people d ..read more

In a perfect world, we would all be in healthy relationships, built on trust, respect, and mutual support. However, unfortunately, not all relationships meet these criteria. In some cases, people may find themselves trapped in a cycle of emotional abuse, known as coercive control. Coercive control is a subtle form of domestic abuse that doesn’t rely on physical violence but instead centres on manipulating and dominating a partner psychologically. In this article, we will explore what coercive control in a relationship entails and delve into the warning signs that can help identify this subtle ..read more

“We are just too different for our relationship to work, and so relationship counselling is a waste of time”.  I had a new client say this to me this week, and it is a common thing for people to think. But nothing could be further from the truth, so I thought I’d fill you in on what I have found from  relationship counselling with thousands of couples in trouble. Have you ever thought what it would be like if your partner was exactly like you in every way? To start with, it would be physically impossible, but even it it was possible, would you really want it? Someone who was a c ..read more

I talked in an earlier post on why men find it difficult to express empathy. For women, I have found that one of the most challenging things for them is to stand up for themselves in their relationship; I have many many women clients express how they are sick of their men controlling them, or they have lost themselves in their relationships over time. There is a biological reason for why this happens. The female brain is built primarily for connection and social harmony. In a women’s brain, the communication and emotional memory centers are larger than in men’s, and additionally women hav ..read more

Name-calling, possessiveness, manipulation – this kind of psychological torture can be subtle, but the scars aren’t. When Bec, 20, started going out with Chris, life was sweet.  But as time passed, he began to change.  “He started telling me what I should wear, what I should be eating and who I should be friends with”, she says. At first Bec thought he was just joking, and brushed the criticism aside.  But his controlling nature got worse and Bec eventually stopped talking to friends and her family – because Chris didn’t like them.  “I knew it wasn’t right but I put up with ..read more

In the last few years, online dating has been skyrocketing in the search for our future partner. Dating apps are increasingly popular, and that makes it easier to broaden our geographic search for love. This also means that we are now building relationships at further distances. Long-distance relationships are becoming somewhat of a commonality for this reason. Another reason why long-distance relationships are increasing is the way society is changing the way we work. Specialized fields, unemployment, FIFO work, and the increased ability to work in remote places, are also reasons long-distanc ..read more

Can anyone be “too nice” and “too much of a pleaser” in a relationship? If someone is inconsiderate of you, or walks all over you, do you smile politely while quietly seething underneath? Do you find yourself catering for others needs and even whims even when there is no real reciprocation on their part? (for example Angela and Allan’s romance and relationship was based on lots of give and take. Angela gave – which included back rubs, complements and gifts, and Allan took, without ever thinking to reciprocate in any way) Why am I a doormat? Many doormats  rationalize to themselves that th ..read more

Why is it that droves of smart, competent, savvy, successful women right across the world, are still waking up to find that they have lost or diminished themselves in their relationship yet again? Having counselled many thousands of women in their relationships and individually over the last 12 years as a Psychologist, one of the most striking patterns I have discovered is how little women, truly love and honor themselves, and it particularly shows up in their relationships. Many women neither know of, nor believe in, their own true power. Even with a generation of women’s liberation, there ar ..read more

  I think most of us know that when times are tough, we seem to fight more with our partner, but have you ever wondered why? How financial stress is transferred right into relationship problems? Well, there are 2 areas of the brain mostly responsible for this, the amygdala and the brain stem. Without going into huge detail, our amygdala registers the fear that comes with financial stresses, and before we know it, it has communicated that to our brain stem which goes into survival mode and has us responding in either fight, flight or freezing. Whichever one is chosen, whenever we are in th ..read more