The question of a therapist working with more than one child from the same family gives important insight into the dynamics of therapy.  It is a question that I get asked a lot, so let’s explore it together. In my experience, families are often pressed logistically for time and getting their children to different appointments and agencies, which is a part of why I get asked, “Will you work with both of my children,” or a variation of it, on a semi-regular basis.  There are critical items that should be considered between a therapist and a family when working with multiple siblings.&n ..read more

I recently published a blog on our Emery Counseling website about the power of aligning our relationships with technology with children as a way to align family values and improve communication. But why stop the buck there?  Vulnerability can be a missed tool of parenting to scaffold for your child’s growth through different age gaps and the experiences that come along with them.  A parent’s vulnerability shows to me an investment in their child’s therapy; a willingness to disclose to their child’s therapist about experiences at home or how their own experiences have impacted their p ..read more

Almost all of us have been there…A month-ish into a failed new year’s resolution (sometimes, less).  That’s not to remind anyone of failure, but of the challenges of committing to positive change!  Let’s separate out your resolution into stages that help to make it seem more obtainable and provide an understanding of where you may be at within your resolution journey.  The transtheoretical model of change (Stages of Change) is a wonderful therapeutic model, which can help to reevaluate where you are along your new year’s journey.  Approaching the Transtheoretical Model (St ..read more

Perfectionism can be a double-edged sword.  While having high standards can be motivating, an obsession with perfection can lead to stress, anxiety, and a constant fear of failure.  Let’s uncover the complexities of perfectionism, its impact on mental well-being, and most importantly, some strategies to overcome it. The Pitfalls of Perfectionism: Perfectionism isn’t just about having high standards; it’s an unrelenting quest for an ideal that is often unrealistic.  While setting ambitious goals is commendable, a perfectionist tends to view anything less than perfection as a cat ..read more

What is somatic experiencing? I feel joyful to share some news! But first, how do I know that I’m feeling joy? I can feel it in my body! I first begin to notice my heart rate. It is not fast, not slow, it’s just right. I can feel a lightness in my chest and it goes out to my arms. My breathing feels expansive and light. I can notice a warm sensation that starts in the back of my neck, and runs down through my spine. I have a smile on my face and I can  also sense a brightness in my eyes. This is a good feeling!  The news, which I am feeling joyful to share, is that I have started a ..read more

Taking your teen’s phone away isn’t always the answer.  Typically, I do not advocate for a teenager to completely lose access to their phone and/or computer as a consequence for a disciplinary measure.  It can alter behaviors out of compliance, but this can dramatically impact their social life and ability to stay connected with friends, which becomes even more vital over the holiday months. Teens living in more rural or isolated areas are especially impacted by loss of technology, as it can be harder for them to see friends in person, especially if they have yet to get their license ..read more

All of us have a template embedded in our consciousness. It primarily originates in our upbringing, although experiences certainly play a role in shaping this template. So, here’s a definition of template: “Something that seems as a model for others to copy, a preset formula does not have to be recreated each time it is used.” Some key words in this definition for the purpose of this article a model, a preset formula does not have to be recreated. These words/phrases capture some of the essence of what I mean when I say a family of origin template.  In every home, how life was lined was i ..read more

A healthy view of self is a necessary building block to a quality life.  How do you develop that view? Certainly, our life expression helps develop our self esteem as does our personality structure.  The whole structure versus nurture dynamic. But, for the purposes of this blog, I’d like to focus on some instrumental factors that help create a good self esteem.  There are several variables at play in the creation of our view of self, but those five seem to be very potent.   Sense of belonging Self awareness Self regulation Self soothing Sense of competence Let’s briefly d ..read more

It is two days past the winter solstice. (I’m writing now b/c I’m an introvert & I need time to process before I speak.) I went outside the morning of 12/21/23 to mediate as this is a practice of mine in the solstice & equinox. My intent during this practice is to be closer to nature and to notice. Albert Einstein said, “Look deep into nature & then you will understand better.” I heed this advice as nature is the mother I often look to (as my biological mother was killed by a drunk driver in 2002). Thus, the solstice is a time for me to sit, listen and receive what she may have ..read more

Years back, I was talking with a therapist and he said, “I live at the intersection of abuse and addiction.” I had yet to hear something so concise on the formation of addictions. Abuse may not always be involved, but there will inevitably be some level of neglect or unmet needs. What I tend to call emotional injuries.  When we are hurt emotionally, disconnection occurs. We become disconnected from others and ourselves. It’s almost like the hurt rips a tear in our worth. “How could they have treated me this way?!” Our nervous system picks up on this as though our skin was cut by a knife ..read more