Recently at a workshop I asked the middle aged participants to think of a past hurt that currently simmered as a resentment. And, the resentment had to be one that was proving difficult to let go of. The next step was to work on letting go of the resentment. The participants had all lived long enough to have experienced disappointment, hurt and anger in one or more relationships. They should have found this exercise easy. Yet, the middle aged group of men and women unanimously decided to postpone completing the exercise. No other exercise had evoked the same reaction. Well, it’s not really a ..read more

She wants the big house, he wants a stress free life. Or, he wants the shiny new BMW, she wants a life more meaningful. This is what a lot of midlife couples struggle with. A dissatisfaction with their own career pursuits. Or the desire to live a life different from what they are living. Midlife is often that stage in a person’s life when they stop to pause and think. To reconsider, recalibrate and reorient oneself with regard to different areas of one’s life. This includes work, before one reaches that point called retirement. Why do individuals look at career change in midlife? Well, why do ..read more

The human body and mind are connected and the complexity of this connection is most evident when it comes to the human sexual experience. Body or physical health related issues affect sex in midlife marriages. But, there are many more mind related reasons that determine how satisfied midlife couples feel with their sexual relationship. The following are five main issues that affect sex in midlife marriages. Relationship satisfaction The most important thing that affects a couple’s sex life is the quality of their relationship. When resentments, anger, constant criticism or disconnection come t ..read more

Sex is an integral part of life. Even in midlife. However, for many married couples sex is riddled with difficulties. For some, the difficulties are long – standing: Sex was never fun enough. For others, sex becomes unsexy in midlife. Either ways, this is a problem that needs to be addressed. Midlife, for many adults, is a time of reflection, reprioritization, reorganisation and discovery. And, amongst the many dimensions of their lives that many men and women re-examine is sexuality. Some couples realize that the sex life they had in their younger years is a thing of the past. Some middle age ..read more

“I guess this is our last goodbye And you don’t care, so I won’t cry But you’ll be sorry when I’m dead And all this guilt will be on your head I guess you’d call it suicide But I’m too full to swallow my pride I can’t, I can’t, I can’t stand losing I can’t, I can’t… (https://www.sting.com/discography/lyrics/lyric/song/108) Many parents currently in their midlife may be familiar with these lyrics from a 1978 Police song. Similar threats have been made by teenagers in real life. But, to parents and other adults, they seem like immature, empty threats to be ignored. On the other hand, suic ..read more

“I will kill myself and blame it on you,” said one upset teenager to another. The other responded, “You wait and see, I will kill myself before that and blame it on you.” She then actually carried out the threat. This conversation is not from a soap opera on television. A parent’s worst nightmare – this is a true incident that happened between two school friends in rural India. And the girls were not on Blue Whale or any such app. Luckily, medical professionals were able to save the girl’s life. But the school authorities asked her to stop coming to school. They did not want to deal with liabi ..read more

“He didn’t show up for any of the meetings yesterday or today. I saw him at the beginning of the party day before and he seemed fine. He has not called in sick or returned any of our calls.” This is not the beginning of a murder mystery. This is a conversation about a middle aged binge drinker. Social drinking has caught on in India. Friday night is synonymous with ‘getting drunk’ for many young, urban Indians. As the years go by, some people who binge drank in their youth may change their ways. Others, unfortunately, continue binge drinking into midlife. A 2009 multi-country study (GENACIS) r ..read more

“Did you not know? They got divorced a couple of months ago. The kids are now in boarding school.” This piece of news may have come as a shock because you did not realize your friends were headed in separate directions. Your friends are not an exception. Divorce is on the rise in India. Not just the big metros, even smaller towns in India are witnessing marital discord leading to separation. Often the affected couples are in their midlife. Many of them have kids. Separation at any stage of life is traumatic for one or both partners. However, when couples with children decide to separate, it af ..read more

Hectic 40’s is when we often find ourselves coasting in only one area – our marriage.   In our busy, hectic lives, work, kids, ageing parents and in-laws demand much of our time and attention. These are the years when most marriages in India begin to get relegated to the bottom of any list. Yes, couples vacation together. But, most no longer hold hands and gaze into each other’s eyes over candle-lit dinners. To many, it may seem silly to even think of doing that. After all, as a couple you have gone through many more significant experiences together, the candle-light dinner seems juvenile. So ..read more

“So, you’re feling depressed? Why don’t you change your diet? You’ll feel better.” Says another well meaning friend. “Oh! Just go for a movie. Just go out, meet your friends – that will do it.” “You know, you just need to start thinking more positively.” “Actually, I know about this Babaji – my friend started visiting him and felt better.” Another friend, writes in “My sister felt depressed after her baby was born and she went to this great psychiatrist. He just gave her some pills and she started feeling better.” “No, no!” another fried counters this advice – “don’t try allopathy. Homeopathy ..read more