Blanket of Depression
My Loud Whispers of Hope
by my loud whispers of hope
1y ago
My blanket of depression covers me, like a weighted blanket of bricks, weighs me down, prevents me from going where I need to be. My blanket of depression follows me everywhere I go, never leaves my side, always there, reminds me of the broken me, the wounded me, the flawed me I have become again. My blanket of depression covers me, hides me, protects me from the outside world, so no one can get in to hurt me again, except me and my blanket of depression. –written by Susan Walz Copyright © 2022 by Susan Walz of My Loud Whispers of Hope ALL RIGHTS RESERVED ..read more
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Recovery is Not Linear
My Loud Whispers of Hope
by my loud whispers of hope
1y ago
The road to recovery is definitely not linear. It has many road blocks, dead-ends, u-turns, bumps, potholes and lots of construction. The beauty is that even though recovery is not linear, it is possible–it happens and it can be a beautiful journey along the way. My new mantra is YOU HAVE TO GET THROUGH IT TO GET OVER IT. Going through it is not always easy, but it is ALWAYS WORTH IT AND NECESSARY. I have gone through it many times and most recently went through it again. It was and has been a difficult and painful process–not an easy one but necessary. The beauty is that I made it. I survived ..read more
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Slam, Bam, Boom, Bang–It’s Back
My Loud Whispers of Hope
by my loud whispers of hope
1y ago
Well, dang. Slam bam back into my world of mental illness. I had a reprieve for about three years which was very nice. Magical, in fact. I was able to enjoy the beauty of living without the interference of psychotropic medications, depression, severe anxiety and my chronic suicidality. I believe there should one day be a diagnosis in the DSM-6 (future DSM) for chronic suicidality instead of it being a symptom of something else. It is huge for me and has always been there for years– fighting the intrusive thoughts 24/7. Again, I woke up at 4:45ish a.m. and after a few minutes of realizing the h ..read more
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What They Don ‘t Know
My Loud Whispers of Hope
by my loud whispers of hope
1y ago
They see me at an appointment, a scheduled event or grocery store and assume I must be well. I smile and look presentable to the outside world and tell them everything is going well, so they think I must be doing well. I know this game. I have done it for years–all my life in fact. What they don’t know is… I woke up at 4:45 a.m., couldn’t go back to sleep and could not stop the intrusive negative raging thoughts–even suicidal thoughts and thoughts of cutting. Those are thoughts I have not had for a long time but I am now fighting again. Another dread fills my mind as I realize somehow I will h ..read more
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Teased by Happiness
My Loud Whispers of Hope
by my loud whispers of hope
1y ago
I don’t trust happiness. It never lasts. A momentary tease to fool me into thinking I deserve some only to have it snatched from me reminding me of my nothingness. Happiness settles in for a brief moment long enough to taste its intense pleasure, only to have it ripped from my heart and shredded into shards of empty hollowness. Happiness must be an illusion. Tastes of it only intensify the pain of my loneliness and feelings of being unloved. People rob me from the bliss I crave. The joy and love I so need to live a substantial purposeful life ..read more
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Behind the Masks I Wear
My Loud Whispers of Hope
by my loud whispers of hope
1y ago
I hide behind the mask I wear. I hide from you. I hide from myself. I hide so you can’t see me, so you won’t see me, not the real me, the hidden me. Don’t get too close to me, the real me. The one you can’t fully see. What if you don’t like me? What if no one likes me? That one that hides deep inside my walls of pain and shame–hidden between the layers of heartache and trauma. Trauma that sneaks out sometimes that I must quickly tuck back inside before you can see it, before you can see me seeing it. That heartache and trauma in my past buried beneath the newness of my life.  I hide ..read more
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Handle With Love
My Loud Whispers of Hope
by my loud whispers of hope
1y ago
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will NEVER forget how you made them feel.” ~Maya Angelou I find that quote absolutely true for every good and bad situation, event and person in my life. When I think of my first good memories, I remember my Grandpa Meyers. I do not remember many of his words and even if I do, I remember how those words made me feel. I remember some of the fun, kind and caring things he did for me and my gang of friends at the time, but most importantly I remember how he made me feel. My Grandpa Meyers always mad ..read more
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You Can Order my Memoir from my Blog with free shipping
My Loud Whispers of Hope
by my loud whispers of hope
1y ago
Super Easy — Easy Peasy Some people–mainly people from Australia have had difficulty ordering my book from Amazon so…. SHAME ATE MY SOUL is a memoir that reads like a fiction novel you can’t put down. Susan Walz shares her inspiring personal story of rising above the stigma of mental illness, suicide attempts, addiction, and misdiagnosis, and eventually finding the triumph of recovery. Spanning over two decades, Susan Walz lived with the mental illness diagnoses of postpartum depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, PTSD and borderline Personality disorder. Travel along with her on her journey ..read more
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Mental Health Line of Gifts — much more coming soon
My Loud Whispers of Hope
by my loud whispers of hope
1y ago
I am an Etsy shop owner. When I first opened my Etsy shop my goal was to make a line of gifts, cards, magnets, stickers and wall art for MENTAL HEALTH RECOVERY AND WELLNESS. I thought… there is not much out there that I am aware of–not many cards or gifts specifically for people with mental health and who are in mental health recovery. I thought… I know what have helped me the MANY times I was battling severe mental health SEASONS of my life for over two decades. I know what would have helped me. I thought… some people want to help and are thinking of you, but they just don’t know what to say ..read more
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#Black Lives Matter
My Loud Whispers of Hope
by my loud whispers of hope
1y ago
The featured image is original colored pencil drawing I made about ten years ago and recently added the quote. In honor of Black Lives Matter, I added the quote from the I have a Dream speech by Martin Luther King Jr. “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr. This print is available as a downloadable digital file on sale at my Etsy shop for $3.00. Please visit my shop on Etsy  Signs of Hope and More. The following is the banner for m ..read more
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