My mother was a narcissist, beyond spoilt. She got married when she was 20, in medical school. She had me when she was 21. I lived with my grandmother. My life with her was Heaven!!!Then my mother took me back to a dark house with servants looking after me. I was 4 years old. The child abuse began then. Bloody noses, black eyes, black and blue all over my body. Once, my mother, in her insanity, beat the living daylights out of me took off all my clothes, pushed me out the front door bleeding, and locked it. Here I was a 4 year old little girl, standing outside ashamed to death. In my mind abj ..read more

By William Ernest Henley. Another phenomenal poem!!! Out of the night that covers me,       Black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be       For my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance       I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance       My head is bloody, but unbowed. Beyond this place of wrath and tears       Looms but the Horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years &n ..read more

https://chng.it/md2GmMrhnN ..read more

Sorry, I had left it blank, this was a joke. I said in my last post that when my mood is stable, the poems go away. So this was a joke to say that the poems have gone away. Sorry, I’m laughing, but it feels so good because I haven’t laughed in many days ..read more

Live in the past, you’ll be depressed. Live in the future, you will be anxious. Live in the moment, you will have peace. The moment is lost if you go to the past or the future. The moment, the now, the present. Live in the breath. It’s here but we forget. Why is it so difficult to live in the moment? Why is our attention constantly being pushed to the past or propelled to the future? If I still had Gus Bear, I could have lived in the moment and been happy. But he’s gone ..read more

One pill makes you larger And one pill makes you small… As I have bipolar 1 disorder, I cannot take antidepressants. If I do I go into a mixed phase. https://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/mixed-bipolar-disorder A mixed phase is something you don’t want to go into. It’s definitely worse than mania or depression separately. I know. I’ve been through many of them, for years I was erroneously given antidepressants. In fact, my bipolar 1 disorder was unmasked as a result of having been put on tricyclics, they pushed me into a full blown manic phase. I was Alice (the one in wonderland) people arou ..read more

So, now what? Hmmm, just anxiety. That’s all. Stomach churning, hard to breath, head full of swirling negative thoughts, fear, so much fear. How courageous do you have to be to live with all this fear? Is it me? Is it bipolar? How to parse, how to untangle? No idea. Don’t want to do it anyway. So tired of ruminating. My aim is to quiet my brain into utter silence. No thoughts. Nothing nagging at me. Nothing ratcheting up the fear. No unbearable anxiety. Possible? Hasn’t been till now. But hope springs eternal. Funny ..read more

When I lived in Kentucky, I tutored the children of horse workers at Churchill Downs. I used to sneak into the barns of these miraculously gorgeous racehorses and feed them mints. They love mints. The horse in the first picture is trying to get mints from my purse !!! They are stunningly beautiful. Endlessly lovable. Worth millions of dollars. I don’t like horse racing at all. However, I adore horses, all horses, no matter the price. Miss these babies. Hope they are loved and thriving. Where are the mints?Love bug Blaze ..read more

The Aurora Borealis and Peace ..read more

Ah brain, you betray me. Chemistry, you deceive me. Thoughts, you overwhelm me. Emotions, you frighten me. Peace, you elude me. Tranquility, you are lost to me. I look for peace, I look so much for quiet, I do not find either. I will sit silently. I will breathe deeply. I will not let tears fall from my eyes. I will wait for happiness like a little bird who comes tapping at your window, or splashes in the birdbath, happy just to be. I will be happy just to be ..read more