I am in the STUDY of my new home, people!!!  Looking out at a gorgeous crabapple tree with gobs of birds in it and a lovely greenspace!!  Oh. My. God!!!  Has my life improved!!  It is sooooo goooood to be gone from the shithole apartment!!! I didn’t realize how oppressive it was.  Well, on some days I did, but I suppressed my feelings about it because I knew I had to live there.  But now, living somewhere beautiful, and quiet, is just so nurturing and happiness-producing! I did have a setback last weekend.  I found mouse droppings in my living room and I pret ..read more

Over my years on disability, I’ve been asked How does your condition(s) impact your ability to function normally on a daily basis. During my years blogging about said conditions, I have received a plethora of advice telling me to exercise, meditate, use herbal supplements, envision myself calm and unaffected, be strong, be tough, blah blah blah. (Well meaning people are the bane of my existence because they really don’t get it.) Today the enormity of my anxiety disorder/panic disorder is slamming into home plate with a cleated shoe to my face. I’m watching a fictional tv show where most of the ..read more

Trying to keep hypomania at bay. NAMI training this weekend. IBPF panel next Tuesday. Frustrated with parenting newly adult son with social anxiety and migraines ..read more

I received two donations towards Spook’s birthday/school clothes funds and due to shit memory, I forgot my password to log into gofundme so I could send proper thank yous days ago. I keep thinking, ‘I’ll feel better tomorrow” but…meh, depression doesn’t really work that way. I seem to get one high functioning day a week and I never know when that will be so…I truly am sorry for my breach in etiquette, for we truly are grateful for the donations. Every little bit help, and even a share helps restore faith in humankind. Even if this week I have been a poor example myself with shit manners. Reall ..read more

I’ve been sick since about 2 a.m. with an upset stomach and just now finally feel up tp typing.  I had such a full day planned and had to cancel it all.  And I can’t eat.  So I am feeling extremely crummy today.  I wont’ go into details, but I’ve been good and sick. So I am going to wrap this up quickly so I can go back to bed and rest some more.  Hope everyone has a good weekend,   ..read more

I’ve been really open about my struggles with bipolar disorder.  Before I had a good handle on this illness it really rocked my world.  I’ve come to learn that bipolar disorder will destroy your life if you don’t get the proper treatment and learn how to manage the condition.  It can be life threatening during times of severe depression episodes and suicidal thoughts.  It can put us at risk during manic episodes which often lead to psychotic episodes. After my initial diagnosis I felt terribly ashamed.  The other day I was thinking about an analogy people might be able ..read more

International Bipolar Foundation Women’s Mental Health Panel July 31, 2018 at 6PM Mission Valley Library 2123 Fenton Parkway San Diego, CA 92108 Ask about my and other women’s experiences living with bipolar disorder. To attend, register HERE ..read more

So I am awake early so I can take my youngest to her church event at 9 a.m.   I feel good being up on time and not dragging along so much as usual. Maybe school starting soon won’t be so hard on me. Speaking of which, I am teaching this fall–I have a full class thus far but we will see how many we have left by the end of September. I’m not going to be hard on them I don’t think, but I am going to demand they do the readings as homework and state that demand early on so there is no confusion.  We will see how many weed themselves out. I am getting better.  The past two days I hav ..read more

The Zyprexa is working. Dammit. I should have known how much I needed it. Like I said a couple of posts ago, I’d really hoped to come down or even off some of my meds. But the truth is, the higher dose of Vitamin Z is taking care of both my sleep and my racing thoughts; with rare exceptions I’m getting to bed by 1 AM, and I sleep through the night. What astonishes me is how much my brain has quieted down…the static in my head has faded out, and I’m not chasing stray thoughts all over the universe. I didn’t know there was anything that could do that. The other night I was lying i ..read more

Trying to keep on the positive side.  My youngest is home but getting ready to ship out again, this time with the church. She is looking forward to this event and I hope it makes a difference in her life for having gone. I got my meds refilled so I did that correctly. Just trying to do what all I’m supposed to do. I need to swap the laundry around and get to work on it more this afternoon. My friends up in Ohio finally caught a break–my friend’s wife had lost her job, and she’s already found a new one right off the bat.  So they can continue to have insurance to treat his colon cance ..read more