Hospital administrators at Unitis Healthcare have implemented a new communication system for patients at all of their hospitals in the New England region. Admitted patients to the hospital will have the option to download Twitter to their phones and can communicate to their nurses and doctors via twitter. “We are breaking ground in hospital communications from the days of the call light,” states CEO of Saint Mary Hospital Rachel Evertins.  “Now patients can tweet their nurses and doctors 24/7 to ask questions and to receive better service. Call light requests and non-verified twitter pat ..read more

Mayim Bialik may be the straw that broke the camel’s back once and for all for Anesthesiologists throughout the world. On Friday night’s Jeopardy during the meet and greet portion, Bialik referred to one of the contestants who is an anesthesiologist as “just an anesthesiologist”, and not a surgeon.  Contestant, Dr. Yian Chen, was telling a story about how he became a doctor which involved trying to master the “claw” machine as a child when Bialik responded, “That’s pretty awesome, but you didn’t become a surgeon, just an anesthesiologist.“ Dr. Megan Mcgrath, head of The American Society ..read more

New York City, NY –For the past year, Effin Cluless FNP, DNP, RN, MSN, BLS, ACLS, GED, BFD, OPP, OMG, FFS has been he CEO of the Hospital for Regular Surgery (HRS) in New York City. He prides himself on keeping a finger on the pulse of the worker bees at HRS whose work pays his astronomical salary; the physicians. This is why he was devastated when he realized at 3PM on March 30 that he had forgotten it was Doctor’s Day! Happy Doctor’s Minute from your Hospital Administration! In a self-described “brilliant move straight out of hospital leadership textbooks,” Cluless found his email that he h ..read more

Sacramento, CA – Dr. Atul, a general surgeon, who evidently graduated from medical school thinks he can actually start a surgical case a 3pm! What an idiot!!! Dr. Atul, who passed his surgical boards, was seen at the control desk at 3:17pm asking why his patient was not in the OR. “My case was scheduled 17 minutes ago!” he was overheard sounding frustrated at the charge nurse. Dr. Atul, who is normally well-liked and friendly to all the OR staff, even Anesthesia, is totally baffled that ORs around the country completely shut down from 2:40 to 3:30. No way will nurses start a case after 2:30pm ..read more

Las Vegas, NV – With COVID still raging across the country, medical professionals of all walks have been looking for ways to burn off some steam. A main outlet used to be going to a bar to meet strangers for one night stands and possible long term romances. With COVID shutting down bars and clubs in most cities, Tinder and other “dating” apps have been thrust into the forefront of the dating scene. We decided to look into the Tinder profiles of physicians and other health care professionals of various specialties/levels of training and see how they describe their dating style. What we found w ..read more

The Food & Drug Administration (FDA) first granted Emergency Use Authorization to the Pfizer-BioNTech COVID-19 vaccine earlier this month, with Moderna’s COVID-19 vaccine shortly gaining the same authorization very shortly thereafter. There have been many questions asking how these two vaccines stack up against one another, but a huge question remains largely unanswered: how do they both stack up against the Invincibility Stars or Starmen from Super Mario Bros.? TARGET POPULATION: Not medical students. An Invincibility Star is reserved only for Mario, maybe Luigi. EFFICACY: The Pfizer and ..read more

‘Twas the night before Christmas, a week after my first dose of vaccine, The in-laws came to visit, when they should be quarantined! I ducked and I hid, more than 6 feet away, They were maskless, singing carols, much to my dismay! ‘Rona was in the air, coming in my direction, But my poor immunity had not yet reached perfection. Dinner was served, everyone ate with glee, I ate out on our porch, just as it hit 1 degree. My sister-in-law, her kids told tales from a Mexico trip, She just returned yesterday, I swear I saw her nose just drip! Opened gifts in full PPE, can’t smell my wife’s new perf ..read more

ATLANTA, GA – Commenting their status as backline healthcare workers, the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC) has recommended medical students get vaccinated against COVID-19, but only after the general population, cacti, several species of toads, and humpback whales do so first. The Pfizer-BioNTech COVID-19 vaccine was the first in the United States green-lit for Emergency Use Authorization by the Food and Drug Administration, with the Moderna vaccine earning approval shortly thereafter. The initial rollout of the first dose of the Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine has targeted two main ..read more

What are the ingredients in the Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine? The ingredients include mRNA, lipids, sodium chloride, potassium chloride, sucrose, black pepper, rosemary, and sage. How is the vaccine administered? With pleasure. I just received my first dose of the Pfizer-BioNTech COVID-19 vaccine. What I should look out for? Side effects: injection site pain or swelling, fatigue, headache, muscle pain, chills, joint pain, fever, limb detachment, rectal prolapse, sudden aversion to Dua Lipa, sudden affinity for Nickelback. What should I do about side effects? Ignore them and power through. Unless y ..read more

ATLANTA, GA – The most common side effect or adverse reaction healthcare workers are experiencing after the first dose of the Pfizer-BioNTech COVID-19 vaccine is hope, Gomerblog reports. “The Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System (VAERS) has been overwhelmed by thousands of reports from emergency medical technicians, doctors, nurses, nurse practitioners, physician assistants, pharmacists, and other healthcare personnel who are experiencing uncomfortable mild but new symptoms such as hope, relief, and optimism,” explained Cazzie Barnes, a spokesperson for the Centers for Disease Control & ..read more