“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”   ~ Lao Tzu At any stage of a breakup, whether you realise it or not, you are setting goals and making choices. In the early stages, your goal might be to figure out how to end the suffering and be happy again. Your focus might be on getting your former partner to return to you. Or your goal might be to negotiate a satisfactory settlement and if you have children, their well-being is also an importan ..read more

“In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our responsibility.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt   It had been many months since you had heard from me. I have been dealing with an eye issue which has required many tests and several surgeries. I have been unable to exercise at all and my screen time has been near zero for many months. The isolation has been a challenge; however, I know that nearly all of us have had to contend with that during the pandemic. I have been taking drugs to suppress transplant reje ..read more

“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” ~ Dalai Lama At any stage of a breakup or divorce, your road to recovery isn’t always an easy one. It isn’t easy to end a connection with someone you have loved, sacrificed your own needs for, and committed your heart and soul to. It is only natural for you to feel confused, and your world feels unstable. It is completely normal to want that relationship back again regardless of the quality of that relationship. Breakups can hurt. Some are brutal. Grief, and powerful emotions such as fear, can be all-consuming ..read more

“Forgiving isn’t something you do for someone else. It’s something you do for yourself. It’s saying  ‘You’re not important enough to have a stranglehold on me.’  It’s saying, ‘You don’t get to trap me in the past.  I am worthy of a future.” ~ Jodi Picoult   So many of you have reached out to me recently with personal accounts of the heartbreak you are struggling with as you go through a breakup. Many of you are struggling to recover because you have been part of a toxic relationship and going through your divorce adds an extra level of difficulty and challenge. These stori ..read more

Any of us who have experienced a breakup or a divorce know how hard it can be to explain to everyone around you that your relationship is coming to an end. Telling friends, colleagues at work, and schools can generate feelings of embarrassment and shame when you have to disclose that things have fallen apart. Dealing with condolences, however genuine or caring they may be, can trigger judging thoughts such as “You didn’t fight hard enough,” or “You are a failure.” When you feel raw and vulnerable it is so easy to feel insecure and paranoid, and all that often achieves is a sense of isola ..read more

This past year has been challenging for everyone in so many different ways. If you are finding it difficult to maintain connection with your children during this time, then you are not alone. But, a little creativity and determination to use what you have to stay in touch can make all the difference. As social beings, we are wired to connect. We seek safety through bonding with our family and, later on, with our friends and community. It is common to feel lonely and disconnected during this time and we may prefer to withdraw even more as a result of our loneliness. However, for your own ..read more

5 Steps to Banishing the Negativity In my previous piece How to Overcome the Toxic Self-Judgement that Robs You of Your Strength and Peace – Part One, I explained where the Inner Critic originated as well as the strategies and weapons of this voice which flood our minds with negativity, steals our joy and can prevent us creating and embodying the life we desire. Today, I share ways to create change and mastery in your life once you can master the voice of your Inner Critic. 1.  Awareness By this I mean an awareness of your personal triggers which set off the Inner Critic. I used the voic ..read more

An incessant negative dialogue will steal your joy and ability to create a life you love. *   *   * Your Inner Critic or Judge is a well-developed set of neural pathways of negative, destructive thoughts and beliefs directed either inwards to ourselves or to others. It’s the set of “nagging” voices  or thoughts in our head which we experience as a stream of incessant, destructive thoughts which are self-rejecting, unkind, self-critical, suspicious, and even demeaning and contemptuous. That persistent internal voice can create a paralysing feedback loop of shame, judgement ..read more

It is crazy to me that we are expected to navigate a divorce without support for our heart and mind. Especially because it is ego’s nature to resist heart-centred conscious strategies, which require us to evolve and grow when we are feeling unsafe, unwanted, and hurt. Left to our own devices, we will of course play out the old dances of anger or invisibility or approval. That would be so normal. How can you be any different if you are not taught something new? We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them. ~ Albert Einstein The way many relationships end i ..read more

We live in a world where divorce rates are high. Those statistics don’t reflect the heartache, disruption to families, and the future of families post-divorce. It seems crazy to me that there are so few effective, proven resources and structures available to support families going through a divorce. There are legal systems and structures, forms and regulations for financial settlements, and co-parenting arrangements. But those systems are not designed to work when: > You are so consumed with anger, resentment, bitterness, or jealousy and act in destructive ways, which harm yourself and you ..read more