Fort Hood running out of gates to name after murdered soldiers
Duffel Blog
by Gray Sea Liu
1y ago
FORT HOOD CAVAZOS, Texas — Fort Cavazos, formerly Fort Hood, plans to keep doing the absolute bare minimum by renaming a post gate after yet another murdered female soldier. The gate will be named in honor of Pvt. Ana Basaldua Ruiz, who was found murdered at Fort Hood Cavazos, earlier this month. Duffel Blog is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This naming distinction, which the Army thinks Basaldua Ruiz’s family must find preferable—or at least comparable—to their loved one still being alive and wel ..read more
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Space Force chief releases annual ‘binge-watch’ list
Duffel Blog
by Robin Berger
1y ago
By Robin Berger; HQ SPACE FORCE, Moon — Space Force Reserve Guardians and National Guardian Guardsmen are preparing for another “Netflix and Drill” weekend after the release Friday of Space Force Guardian in Chief Gen. B. Chance Saltzman’s annual guidance for professional movie binge-watching. Subscribe now A Guardian spokesman shared the list by unnecessarily airdropping it to reporters’ phones and tablets instead of making a PDF available on the web like a normal public affairs officer, claiming the method was “futuristic, like us.” The full text follows: Guardians: I firmly believe that ..read more
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Space Force declares bankruptcy after Silicon Valley Bank collapse
Duffel Blog
by Duffel Blog
1y ago
Photo by Mariia Shalabaieva on Unsplash By The Ghost of Jimmy Carter The Space Force—which some have called “the Coast Guard of the U.S. military”—has declared insolvency following the crash of Silicon Valley Bank (SVB). Initial reports estimate SVB held cryptocurrency for the service equivalent to some 80 percent of the Space Force's roughly $1.2 million budget. The Chief of Space Operations, 22-year-old Gen. Brad "Kyle" Chadston, tweeted the news Sunday afternoon. Duffel Blog is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subs ..read more
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DoD to migrate all field grade officers to the cloud
Duffel Blog
by Jan Lionsnest
1y ago
In an organization-wide effort to cut costs and modernize its aging officer corps, the Department of Defense has announced plans to migrate all field grade officers to the cloud. Subscribe now “We have thousands of legacy O-4s, O-5s, and O-6s sitting idle in on premises infrastructure, sucking up funds and air,” Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin said. “We anticipate huge cost savings and increased efficiency by moving all of our outdated field grades permanently to the cloud, where they will mostly be someone else’s problem.” Read more ..read more
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US Navy sub accidentally collides with downed Reaper drone
Duffel Blog
by Bull Winkle
1y ago
@SanDiegoWebCam photo US NAVAL SUPPORT ACTIVITY, SOUDA BAY — The nuclear submarine USS West Dakota (SSN-013) docked for repairs today after an apparent and totally like, accidental, underwater collision with the recently downed US MQ-9 Reaper drone. Sixth Fleet representative Cdr. Helene Marcopolis said that the Titanic-class nuclear submarine was on a routine whale watching patrol in the Black Sea on March 14 when what was described as a “wicked big clunk and scraping sounds” reverberated through the hull. Duffel Blog is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my w ..read more
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Report: Chinese balloon pilot was attempting to defect to US
Duffel Blog
by Carl
1y ago
MYRTLE BEACH, South Carolina — While attempting to escape the communist regime of China for the sanctuary of the United States, aerial balloonist Dong Chao Feiyu met a grizzly end over the waters of the U.S. East Coast last month. Following the orders of President Joe Biden, the Air Force blew both the balloon and Dong’s aspirations to smithereens, employing a million dollar missile to puncture a hundred dollar inflatable airship. “Fuck,” Air Force spokesman Captain Buck Turgidson told reporters. “We didn’t know.” Duffel Blog is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and supp ..read more
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Navy spills green diesel over aquifer on St. Patrick's Day
Duffel Blog
by Robin Berger
1y ago
By Robin Berger JOINT BASE PEARL HARBOR-HICKAM, Hawaii — Senior naval officers gathered for a St. Patrick’s Day celebration at the Red Hill Underground Fuel Storage Facility, where they spilled green-tinted diesel over a key aquifer that supplies the island of Oahu with fresh water. Chief of Naval Operations Admiral Michael Gilday, Pacific Fleet Commander Admiral Samuel Paparo, and retired Captain Erik Spitzer used ceremonial gas pump handles to splash the ground with green-dyed fuel obtained from the Navy Exchange gas station on Namur Road using a gift card supplied by Navy Exchange Servic ..read more
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Veteran unsure where to tattoo 'project management professional' on body
Duffel Blog
by Whiskey Fueled Tirade
1y ago
By Whiskey Fueled Tirade Duluth, Minn. — Since leaving the Army last month, local veteran Justin Smart has been struggling with where on his body to have his recently earned professional certifications tattooed, sources confirm. “I already have my basic training platoon motto tattooed on my calf,” Smart told reporters. “And I’ve got a pretty cool eagle on my lower back that’s carrying my Air Assault wings and Expert Soldier Badge.”  Duffel Blog is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. “Now I need to figu ..read more
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Marine stops masturbating long enough to return fire
Duffel Blog
by Jan Lionsnest
1y ago
By Cat Atronaut UNDISCLOSED LOCATION — During a harrowing firefight this morning, sources report that at least one Marine stopped masturbating long enough to return fire. “We were taking heavy machine gun and mortar fire, but not so heavy that I didn’t think I could finish first,” Lance Cpl. Richard Yankovich said. “Then Staff Sergeant gave a direct order to ‘get our dicks out of our hands’ and ‘suppress the enemy machine gun position.’ So I tucked it away and picked up my rifle.” While the male Marines in Yankovich’s platoon lauded his tactical prowess, the female Marines were less impress ..read more
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Army unveils new logo that totally doesn’t resemble a butthole
Duffel Blog
by Paul Szoldra
1y ago
By Clay Beyersdorfer Washington, D.C. — The U.S. Army revealed a new logo yesterday on social media as part of a larger rebrand.  The new emblem features a bold, modern design sure to impress military enthusiasts and casual observers alike. However, there is one thing that the Army wants to make crystal clear: this logo absolutely does not resemble a butthole. Subscribe now "We can confirm that our new logo is in no way, shape, or form inspired by any body part," said Major General Tom Proktologus, who oversaw the design process, at a press conference Tuesday. "The star in the center o ..read more
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