Greetings, it’s day two of Donald Trump’s real big bad criminal trial in New York. It’s going fine, just snoozes and poots, snoozes and poots. Yesterday was a quick little day, because of Passover, and so too will today be. They’re going to have a hearing on Trump’s gag order violations, though, so that could make some news. But even these quick little days are CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT for Trump to endure, saith Fox News’s creepy human ice cream van Jesse Watters, and you know why? Because poor Trump is just too old to handle such things. Bless. His. Heart. Here’s the clip the Biden cam ..read more

Tabs by yr pal the Martini Glambassador! Donald Trump got some kind of new deal from the prosecutors regarding his $175 million bond. He has to keep getting new deals because he can’t just post his bond regular-like, because he ain’t rich enough. [Guardian] Mr. Sleepypoots’s criminal trial got off to its official start yesterday. This Daily Beast headline is beeeyoootiful. [Daily Beast] LMAO Jesse Watters says poor old Trump is simply too old to be sitting in that courtroom all day long. Keep talking, Creeper. [JoeMyGod] Rebel Wilson says a British royal invited her to an orgy WHAT? [Daily B ..read more

Good afternoon and happy new week, everyone! Here is the news we covered at Wonkette today. Melania walked a few steps from her boudoir to hang out with the lamest gay dudes in the country. Look at you, Volkswagen! Whoa. More below this box, which you should not ignore if you’re not yet a paying subscriber, because it is our spring subscription drive! Become a new paying subscriber today, and keep your beloved Wonkette staff in salaries and health insurance and stuff. Wonkette is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid su ..read more

Could some of the bromance between two of the least compelling white men ever to grace planet Earth be fading? Or nah? Tucker Carlson did an interview with Joe Rogan (not one of the non-compelling white men this story is about, surprisingly). And in that interview, Tucker shared his creationist idiot science thoughts about evolution. Watch this video, tweeted by Twitter user “Tim Urban,” who said it was an “incredible display of zealot’s corner.” Tucker says a lot of dumb shit in that video. Wonkette is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider be ..read more

Photo: Elvert Barnes Today, the Supreme Court is hearing a case that will more or less determine whether or not we just go ahead and throw all of the unhoused people in prison. Over the past few years, thanks to increasingly high rents and a lot of fallout from the COVID crisis, homelessness has shot up by 12 percent— the highest it’s been since we started keeping track in 2007. At least 653,000 people in the United States are currently unhoused. That is about 70,000 more people than there are in the entire state of Wyoming. You’d think we’d be having more conversations about how to help tho ..read more

After consulting our broker, we have a new financial strategy: sell all our shares of Trump Media Group stock and invest the proceeds in iron lung futures. Also we’re staying the fuck out of New Hampshire for the foreseeable future, thanks to the state’s legislature and its wingnut contingent –- which is to say, the vast majority of it –- and the bill it recently passed that removes a requirement of parents to show proof their kids have gotten polio and measles vaccines when enrolling in childcare. What could possibly go wrong here, Franklin Delano Roosevelt cries from beyond the grave. Wo ..read more

When you write about the stupid and awful things that Republicans politicians say every week, you sometimes become desensitized to the horror. But every now and then, somebody says things so awful that it shakes that away. So, let’s jump right in and see what they said this week. Kristi Noem Reminds Us Who She Is. We have argued before about the superfluousness of having two Dakotas, but never have we been proven more correct than by South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem’s appearance on CNN’s “State Of The Union.” Appearing to both promote her upcoming book and audition to be Donald Trump’s next ..read more

Chattanooga Volkswagen workers celebrate their historic win. Screencap. You can’t unionize autoworkers in the South, they said. Well, whoever “they” are, they were wrong. Because, on Friday, 73 percent of Volkswagen workers in Chattanooga, Tennessee, voted to become the first non-union auto plant to unionize in decades, and the first foreign-owned auto plant to unionize in the South, period. This happened despite a union-busting campaign so fierce that even governors in the South got on board, sending out a letter last week warning workers not to organize, telling them that “The experience i ..read more

Boyishly flop-haired Speaker of the House Mike Johnson finally pushed an aid package for Ukraine through the lower chamber of Congress on Saturday, defying much of his caucus and giving Marjorie Taylor Greene a sad. As with must-pass appropriations bills to keep the government open and functioning that he pushed through earlier in his brief tenure, Johnson passed the Ukraine bill with mostly Democratic votes. Will this teach him, and by extension much of his caucus, a lesson about the need to negotiate and yes, engage in that dirty word “compromise,” in a two-party system with multiple veto ..read more

Dick and Mels, from Richard Grenell’s Insta Well, well, well, if it isn’t Melania Melanija Knavs Knauss Trump, the former first lady and mysterious chatelaine of The Palm Beach Omelet Bar and Nuclear-Secret Emporium!  She re-emerged from her gazillion-dollar closet in a black Michael Kors pantsuit Saturday night to co-host an event with Richard Grenell for the Log Cabin Republicans, that conservative group that exists to prove that gay people are just as capable of stupidly voting against their own interests as heterosexual Republicans are. Also in attendance at the rather sparsely ..read more