It’s been a long time coming. I’ve often written here about my mental challenges around change when it comes to diabetes management. It took me years to pluck up the courage to take my first shot. I did everything I could while living with diabetes to restrict my food intake, so I wouldn’t need insulin. Not a great strategy. When I started my insulin regime I was on about 4 units of long acting per day. Eventually I needed more, but there were issues with lows at weird times of day so my diabetes educator recommended I break up the dose into two shots. A couple of years ago my new diabetes edu ..read more

You may have noticed that I have been super quiet on the blog this last year. Occasionally blogging, sometimes posting on Instagram and showing up for my monthly meditation offerings with the Diabetes Sangha. In general, though I’m having a “break” from the advocacy aspect of living with diabetes. This past year has been one of big physical transition. We moved countries, I came out of my hermit phase and started teaching in person groups, workshops and retreats plus working in the detox space and respite care. Being up close and personal with human beings again has been beyond rewarding. I am ..read more

I’ve had diabetes for 16 years. At diagnosis it all seemed so unreal. I barely had symptoms, my blood sugars were mostly in range and it seemed like dietary and exercise changes were all that was needed. Now things are vastly different. I’m taking 7 shots a day, I need the average amount of insulin for someone my weight and age and living on insulin is my new normal. But that doesn’t mean things aren’t tough. Things are super tough right now. I’ve been tweaking my doses for 6 months and still can’t seem to stay in range 70% of the time. The only variable in my life is stress. Stress from movin ..read more

Photo by Matt Paul Catalano on Unsplash It takes motivation to step on my mat every morning and do my practice. Often, it’s thinking about how I’ll feel afterwards that entices me. Then on the mat, it’s the sequence of postures and practices that keep me engaged. There are things I find challenging in my practice and things I avoid, but in general it’s how I feel during and after that keeps me coming back. Motivation for my diabetes management is a whole other kettle of fish. There are many times during the day that I’d prefer to forget about diabetes. I get frustrated, feeling like all the ..read more

I was diagnosed three days before I had to leave for India to teach a yoga teacher training. My endo told me to get a glucometer and test my levels and to try and keep them around 4 mmol.  I remember testing and seeing a 4.6 and thinking I was too high.  I was diagnosed before CGM technology became readily available and when many doctors didn’t really understand LADA (Latent Autoimmune Diabetes in Adults) as well as they do now. Not really knowing what I was in for and not having the kind of medical support I needed, I made up my own ideas about what in and out of range numbers sh ..read more

Yesterday I wrote this poem about diabetes. I find writing to be many things, its a way for me to express how I see the world without having to verbally express. My thoughts can get jumbled and I like to use words on the page to iron them out. Poetry is even easier to write than prose. the words don't have to make sense. They can just be an expression of an inner landscape. A brushstroke, a paint splash. Incomplete feelings that suspend in the air. For me living with diabetes has many shades. There's the part where I control things to make living with it easier. There's the part where thing ..read more

The last few months have been trying. Lots of juggling, no new experiments, just keeping my head above water. That’s because I have a life and it takes priority. That doesn’t mean I ignore diabetes, far from it. It means I work extra hard to keep an even keel. I double down and get laser focused. This means sticking to routines, keeping up with my yoga practice and making sure I don’t get caught out with a scary low or uncontrollable high. But still amidst all that, it’s been frustrating. I’ve been wanting to take a longer hike to test out newly acquired info about how to drip feed myself to p ..read more

There is only one seamless reality. That awareness flowing in and through every animate and inanimate object. Self is not available through any of the senses, yet it is throughout all of the senses. Call it the knowing principle - awareness- consciousness, we human beings personalize it as “my” awareness. Yet logic dictates that what is common to all cannot be personal. What else is common to all? Ignorance. We do not know who we are. We do not know that we are nothing but awareness. We think we are a body, a mind, a thought, an idea and an ideology. And we fight for our ideas. We fight for ou ..read more

Every morning I tell myself, it’s a new beginning when it comes to my life with diabetes. No matter the circumstances at bedtime, waking up is always a fresh start. But I didn’t always see things like that. There was a time not so long ago that I dragged the past onto the present and my mornings were spent in the gloom of dreadful numbers, too many lows or other diabetes related disasters. It’s taken effort and diligence to see things differently along with the help of health care providers with an open mindset. I’ve talked before about the indoctrination that happens in the Diabetes Online Co ..read more

Everywhere out there I feel trauma. Standing in the chasm is terrifying and it hurts. How can we let these insane things happen? How can we be in the midst of what looks like another world war? What can I as just one of 8 billion people do? Practically I’ve been donating to various charities like this one spare a rose, and offering my services to raise money for flood recovery here. And I’ve been sharing as many of the stories of real people going through these harrowing times to raise awareness on social media. On an inner level I have been practicing this meditation daily. Being and beaming ..read more