The Drake and Kendrick Lamar beef was pretty exciting at first, but over the course of the month, it’s started to lose steam. Now it seems like the rappers have really started to phone it in: Drake’s latest diss track seems to pin the cancellation of Freaks and Geeks on Kendrick Lamar. Damn. Drake’s really got to be out of ideas if that’s the best he can do. Although the beef started off with serious accusations about pedophilia, secret children, and domestic abuse, it seems like things are really slowing down—but with no obvious winner, the rappers are still going at it. Unfortunately, though ..read more

If you thought you could come here to get some answers on what exactly is going on with Drake and Kendrick Lamar, think again. Key players: It began either: A. April 29th  B. September 11, 2001 C. Wednesday Why it started: What accusations have been made so far: Kendrick Lamar went under full prosthetics to appear on an episode of Is It Cake? Drake secretly gave birth to a toad Drake was Jeffrey Epstein’s landlord Kendrick is Lamar  Drake looks positively laughable in his new khakis Kendrick isn’t Lamar Jimmy should’ve died when Rick shot him on Degrassi Lyrics from one of Kend ..read more

My stepson Blake, age 14, has anger issues—the type of anger issues that put holes in the walls of MY house, which he and his mother moved into last summer. Not only does that little shit punch holes in MY walls, but each time he does it, the hole he creates somehow opens up a space-time gateway to an enchanted land—some lands far, far more enchanted than others (it ain’t always fairies and spells in those places, like Blake’s mother thinks–trust me, I spent a little time in each of them before heading to Home Depot for drywall and joint compound). Here are all three magical realms that Blake ..read more

America’s nepotism epidemic has officially grown out of control, and this is one of the most blatant examples yet: The U.S. Mint just announced a new series of quarters honoring Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen’s favorite grandsons. This is completely shameless. It’s beyond unfair that these guys should start appearing on money just because of who their grandma is. The Mint made their announcement earlier today when they unveiled their new line of quarters honoring “the most well-behaved and handsome boys in America.” While millions of well-behaved and handsome Americans might have thought that ..read more

Mental health remains a hot button topic in our society. Yet despite the increased awareness, resources still remain unaffordable. Even for those who are committed to improving their mental wellness, it can be difficult to get help.  It seemed like the best way to explore this issue would be to allow people with mental illness to speak for themselves, so we put an ad out on Craigslist looking for volunteers. What follows is the result: A frank conversation about mental health between one woman with depression and one woman with a glass eye, who was the only other person to respond to our ..read more

When I started hospice care last year, I was honestly feeling pretty good about reaching the end of my time on earth. I had a great marriage. I got to be president. I even saw a UFO. It was a terrific life and it made a lot of sense to me to forego additional medical intervention for what everybody told me was a terminal illness. I’m prepared to meet my maker. Eager, even. So let me just check: is there some kind of specific thing I need to do to be able to die? I guess I always assumed death was this automatic thing that just happens when you’re either 99 years old or terminally ill but espec ..read more

Picture this: a father and son get into a car crash. The father dies. In order to take his mind off his grief, the son attends a magic show. The magician asks for a volunteer and the son raises his hand. The magician says, “I can’t saw this boy in half. He’s my son.” How is this possible? Seventy percent of people can’t solve this riddle because they’re unable to imagine that the magician is the boy’s mother. Is this really how we should be treating female magicians? Of course not. Female magicians deserve much more respect. Magical Keith Herringbone. Charles The Illusionist. Tristan Tootingha ..read more

If you’re interested in all of the various things that there are in the world, you’re going to want to check this out: Apparently, there’s an entire magazine dedicated to people.  This is really neat! We can’t wait to check this out and learn more about people. The publishing world puts out all sorts of magazines on all sorts of topics, including golf, fashion, and the Civil War, but this magazine covers a topic that’s probably even more important than all of those things put together: People. People do and say so many things that it’s only logical that they have their own magazine just l ..read more

Film critic Richard Brody is known for his thoughtful reviews in The New Yorker, but his write-up of Luca Guadagnino’s latest film definitely left something to be desired: Richard Brody’s review of Challengers just says it’s a 23.6 on something called the ‘BrodyMeter’ and adds that it pairs well with a fat blunt. Huh. Nothing else you wanna add, Brody? Although much could be said about Challengers, the new film starring Zendaya, Josh O’Connor and Mike Faist in a psychosexual love triangle set in the high-stakes world of professional tennis, Richard Brody chose to forgo analyzing any of the fil ..read more

Hello. I’m Gordon Ramsay. As a professional chef and TV personality, salt is a part of my everyday life. It pairs quite well with a number of dishes. Meat. Vegetables. Pretzel. Egg. You name it, and odds are, it goes with salt. However, there is one exception to this rule–an exception that I had the misfortune of learning the hard way…  You see, one time I sprinkled salt on my own brain and I screamed. It happened about 15 years ago. I was testing a new recipe in my home kitchen when I had an idea: If salt can bring out the best in flavors, why can’t it bring out the best in my brain? Was ..read more