I am back to that place in my head where I wonder, can a person eat ice cream and tater tots and still lose weight? Can I have some cheese popcorn or a cookie and not flip out? The answer seems to really depend on something I can't quite put a finger on. It's not mindset, because sheer desperation or determination does not always end in success for me. It's not about a diet, either, really. I think it's mainly what my body is seeing, and therefore thinking it needs, as fuel. Like, if I go into eating toast and baguettes every day, my body craves that for it's fuel. Then when I try to cut back ..read more

Last night after my post, I walked the dog and ate 4 pieces of cheesy bread. This morning I was up 3 pounds to 223... and thought, oh man. I have to do something. So I did. Yesterday I wrote about the whole thought process of trying to decide what to do next to address the weight, but deep down I knew it really has nothing to do with which plan I do, but just that I do *something.* Making lists and thinking and deciding and weighing pros and cons and trying to make a commitment... that's all part of my disease process. It's not even about whether the pills will help or the packets are too exp ..read more

I still weigh 220. Ughhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! I am sitting here staring at the pills and packets and trying to make a decision. Do I keep half-ass flailing around with low carbing and intermittent fasting (which has worked in the past but for whatever reason I have been unable to stick to for more than a day this time around... SO HUNGRY) or do I go back to something else that worked? I have the phentermine, but taking half a pill does basically nothing for me anymore. I CAN take a whole pill. I don't think I ever have. Maybe a whole pill would give me energy, cut my appetite and rev up my metabolis ..read more

220. Can't keep going like this. Like, literally, my pants will burst. I am hanging over the edges of my jeans and have like 3 shirts that fit and my knees are about to give out... so... can't. No real plan or vision in sight, and still standing by the giant poop pile, but starting in with the spoon and trying to figure out where to deposit the bits I am moving. So here goes, again ..read more

What am I supposed to do with the overwhelmed feelings I have about everything? I thought it was weight loss that was overwhelming to me. I thought it was about the food choices, the meal prep, the little minute-to-minute decisions about what to eat and how much. I thought it was about getting the motivation to take a walk or get on the bike or exercise. But it's not. It's everything. It's life I am overwhelmed with. I feel like it is just too much. There is no way I can handle it all or even begin to tackle it all, even just emotionally... forget about the physical. I got so mad at God this w ..read more

I'm having a really hard time getting my eating under control and my exercise habits back since we got home from my daughter's hospitalization. I mean, I did great the first week and dropped 8 pounds, but I know that was because I went from high carb, high volume to the opposite. This week was harder, and though I stuck with the plan and walking for the first few days of the week, I just kind of lost it the last few days. My net loss for this week was 0. Still 210. And then the last two days I really just dove into the "food for comfort" thing and am up a couple pounds overnight. I dunno, does ..read more

Good morning. This week was kind of interesting. My goals for this week were to cut back on carbs and portions, get back to an 8-hour intermittent fasting "eating window" and take a walk every day. It was way harder than I thought to cut those carbs back and wait until noon or later to eat, and it took me several days to get there, even taking a half dose of phentermine every morning. But on Wednesday I got there and I am working at eating after noon and not eating after 8pm. I walked 7 days out of 8, kept my carbs and portions lower except for one dinner at a barbecue (with buns, chips, and p ..read more

Today when I got up I finally managed to get out the door without eating something. This was my first day I went without breakfast (just coffee with half and half). I've been working on getting back to Intermittent Fasting, but have been *so* hungry that I couldn't make it for long without eating. I tried to just have small portions, lower carbs (since that's what worked before) and stretch my non-eating time as much as possible, and finally today I got there. I had chicken and fruit for my lunch around noon, and will stop eating by 8 pm. That's my IF eating window. My weight has been respondi ..read more

Good morning. Yesterday after I shared my long overdue update, I got out and took one of the dogs for a walk. I spent the day drinking lots of water, eating more veggies and fruits, and trying to just avoid anything too carby. This morning I am down 2 pounds to 216... a drop in the bucket, but every bucket has to start with a drop, slow or fast. This morning as I was lying in bed thinking about how to get back to a healthier weight, I thought about all the different things I have done over the past decade (plus) of blogging. I thought about the successes and the failures, the ups and downs, g ..read more

Does anyone read this blog anymore? Is anybody out there? I know I haven't posted since late April... six weeks to be exact. It's not the reason you think. I have been away from home almost the whole time. My daughter had a medical crisis, some travel to a hospital, a stay, surgery, and further treatment and care. She's doing GREAT now. Better than ever. But it took a lot out of us. I just came home a couple days ago and am trying to get back into some kind of regular routine. I did not get on a scale the whole time I was gone. I was somewhere over 200 pounds when I last posted... can't rem ..read more