One of the very first experiences in life is being seen. Parents witness the newborn. What is the development of the self if not the chain of experiences of seeing and being seen by others?  I think we long to be seen as we are by another. We want to be witnessed. At the same time, we want to witness, see, and love another. We want to relate. The unrelated human being lacks wholeness, for he can achieve wholeness only through the soul, and the soul cannot exist without its other side, which is always found in a “You”  C.G.Jung, Psychology of the transference This phenomenon of witne ..read more

There is so much I want to say about “too much”. We often do too much. We are a culture of too much. Too much noise, too big movements, too strong impact. Observing rope sessions on the jams over the years, I often notice how the body in ropes is cringing, tensing, resisting, pushing through things. I feel pain when I see it. Is it just me?  Here is one typical situation, how i would describe it:  taking what the rope bottom does not offer In SexBod, when we learned about consent, I think it was from wonderful Betty Martin, we learned about 3 levels: one, is verbal. The person says ..read more

It came as a shock when a friend of mine shared with me her insecurities, about how she feels “not good enough”. “Not good for what”, I asked her. “You know, to do the figures…” It was heartbreaking to hear.  Yes, our (western) rope culture values toughness. We hang on one toe and keep smiling. It is always “higher, faster, tougher”. We are part of the problem, for sure, as we also “show” on every show what we can. It is however not the point…  Rope is not a high-performance sport. It is an intimate practice.  There is another vector where you can go instead of “higher, faster ..read more

That was an interesting talk we had with Anna Noctuelle during EURIX that was supposed to become a workshop together, but we couldn’t get a spot, so I just pour my thoughts here for you Let us start with the question: why would you like to “cope”. Or even before that, what is “coping”?   Coping is about how you integrate the impact. Something about keeping your sanity in insane circumstances. That doesn’t mean I keep control. It is rather about preserving my being.  Coping means to withstand the impact without collapsing in a bad place. Of course I can be very impacted, droo ..read more

Nerve safety is a difficult topic to write about because it is so subjective what people feel inside of themselves and also it is a topic usually heavily loaded with emotions… I am not here to argue with anyone, just sharing what has worked for me personally (being tied for over 12 years very regularly and intensively without nerve damage), as well as for our regular students – rope bottoms. TECHNIQUE MATTERS Nerve damage comes from ropes and in most cases it involves bad rope technique.  I often read how nerve safety is a teamwork, and I am really really really! happy to see more awarene ..read more

I got to talk more about safety because it’s a foundation for being experimental, playful and spontaneous in ropes. It’s really about being comfortable to be uncomfortable. Without that, we are stuck in anticipation, control and micro-management. I don’t mean the “big” feeling of safety when you’re afraid someone is going to come out of the bushes and physically attack you. What I mean is when your nervous system feels safe, like when you’re surrounded by your friends and you can let down your defences and show up as you are and it’s okay. “I feel safe here” we say about the atmosphere in the ..read more

"...And as I don't want to make the decision yet, I tie a waist rope..." We just got back from teaching the "Bodies under Pressure" workshop in Kinbaku Lounge Copenhagen, and the waist rope was super present in all the exercises throughout the weekend. My partner loves the waist rope! Last week he wrote "Meditation on Waist Rope", you can read it HERE, and I wanted to add something from the rope bottom's perspective... Meaning It definitely matters which part of the body is tied! In our beginner’s workshop, we practice the same tie (e.g., single column tie) on different parts of the body. W ..read more

“Be brave by being soft” Bonnie Bainbridge Cohen Soft doesn’t mean “weak”.  We are conditioned to harden ourselves when entering a situation associated with discomfort… Hard, however, doesn’t protect us, as much as numbs us and limits our choices.  We can do the “turtle” by shrinking ourselves and waiting till the danger is over… We can tense up our muscles trying to appear bigger than we are – intimidating the enemy… even attacking and biting them first. It is however not a grounded state. In order to avoid pain or danger, we leave ourselves behind. This is the pathway towards dis ..read more

Another question & answer to a fellow rope bottom i like to share with you here. You can send me your own questions on info@ropesomatics.com! The tying couple was experiencing the following problem. The bottom, as soon as feeling the ropes on their body, was relaxing completely, entirely, becoming extra heavy and difficult for the rigger to handle. So the rigger was complaining that they were relaxing “too much” and the rope bottom was wondering how that ever could be a problem Indeed we promote the idea of relaxing, exhailing, when in ropes. But can we relax “too much”? Here are ..read more

Safety is one of the aspects that we learn early in life and then over time we develop “strategies”: how do we establish safety in the environment, when we feel unsafe what we do then, and so on. To run, to avoid, to dissociate is a strategy to get away from a situation in which we feel uncomfortable. To tense up, to become defensive, is an attempt to fight the situation. To appease the situation, to please the “scary” person, to do what is expected, to fake it at all costs. These are all working strategies that we have developed. They have helped us at some point in the past. This is a great ..read more