He was standing in the kitchen when he spoke some of the most profound words I’ve heard him say:  “I hate it when people say ‘I’m sorry’!”  He repeated it three times. It was out of the blue, but it led to a needed discussion about the somber world we live in as those who have experienced deep loss.   My son is the youngest of three, barely sixteen years old, and has endured heartache and tragedy like few his age; profound words from him are nothing new. He is very intelligent, has a very soft heart, and his faith in GOD is real. But he lives daily with the remind ..read more

I rambled up to a window at the county clerks office, all ready to pay my vehicle registrations and taxes due. But no; I got out of the car and basically left everything I needed, except the check, on the console of the car. I didn’t have my insurance card, nor the notice, so they couldn’t just look the info up; they needed VIN or license plate numbers. I would venture to say that no one in the world has this memorized. I didn’t even have my phone with me to open up the auto insurance app, which would have all the info I needed. This was just the beginning of the faux pas this day, and I attri ..read more

Last year was brutal for many of us. Someone we care about died, or we had to muddle through another year, peppered with dates of reminders:  the “companions” of reminders and memories linking us not only the the beautiful, but also to the painful, and what MIGHT have been. We’ve just come out of a season that centers around thankfulness and giving, and it’s a weird place to be when we are in the midst of such sadness. What are we supposed to do; just wrap our grief up in a nice package with a bow and put it aside for the time being? Oh, if only we could.  Well intentioned frie ..read more

As I write this, the battle continues in the Middle East. I cannot begin to understand the why’s of war and unrest. And any time there is loss, sorrow, and fear, grief is inevitable. I can only imagine the ongoing state of terror. Day by day. I cannot begin to imagine the terror and sorrow they have and continue to endure. War and unrest must be one of the most despicable sources of sorrow. I sit in my safe, warm home, with plenty of food to eat, clean water, and know where my closest kin and friends are today. They aren’t on some battlefront or in a tank, trying to defend their country and en ..read more

When my friend Cora attended her first grief group meeting, she entered with long-felt emotions of dread and anxiety. She had no idea what to expect from these folks, and she feared her nervousness about being around others in the same boat would not be the answer to her prayers. What if she said too much? What if she held back and this whole trip was a waste of time? She had suffered alone, with no one to pour her heart out to, for too long. She needed to put it all out there—Cora knew deep down inside that this was going to help her with the weight of the grief of the loss of her husband. So ..read more

The older we get, the more we experience death and loss. As children, the most common death we may go through is the that of grandparents; then as we grow older, aunts and uncles. In our prime years, we may say goodbye to elderly parents. One loss that is too often downplayed is the death of a sibling—often called “the forgotten loss.”  Our feelings can be trumped by the other relational losses in the family.  Everyone feels for the parent who has lost a child, the child who has lost a parent, the spouse who has lost their life partner; but too often, the grief a brother an ..read more

As the dreaded day grows closer, I am struck by the thought that it never feels the same from year to year. I always enter the month with added anxiety about how I’m going to feel and what I will do to recognize the day, if at all. I am referencing my eldest sons’ death date; this one will be number four. Initially, I felt pressured to make a big deal about his birthday and other “anniversary” dates, but as time has forged ahead, I’ve learned to handle this ridiculous tragedy however I feel like handling it, and to ignore the toxic positivity some folks insist on forcing on us.  Our soci ..read more

He stood there, nervous and unsure of what would happen next. My friend, Chris, had just given a speech about how he contends with the loss of his wife, and the applause was something he hadn’t experienced before. These people didn’t even really know him, yet they were smiling and clapping over words that came out of his mouth. They were cheering him on in an effort to encourage him to do this again and again, whether they knew it or not. His words weren’t a new revelation—his speech was very simplistic in its structure and basic Grief101 jargon. But because he spoke from his heart, because he ..read more

I’ve had several broken bones in my 54 years of life, and most of them, one could recognize with the naked eye. I had a cast, or tape on my nose, etc. But when I recently developed severe osteoporosis, and suffered with several broken vertebrae, it wasn’t an injury that was immediately seen or identified by others. I was in excruciating pain, but the evidence of the cause wasn’t obvious. Grief is much the same, being a constant reminder of the injury we’ve suffered. The difference between a broken bone and grief is that grief is not something we can “fix!” It’s something we will bear the weigh ..read more

When tragedy strikes, we live under the assumption that we are the only ones who are (or have ever) endured such pain. It’s only natural—it’s happening to US, in this moment. Who could possibly be suffering more than I am right now? Is it possible to suffer well?  History is peppered with stories of heartbreak and difficulty that prove we are not alone when it comes to suffering. Some live under the misnomer, in these days and times of such invention, modern medicine, and technology, that our lives should be free from disease, difficulty, and pain—nothing could be further f ..read more