Five years! Wow! Really? Five years, seriously, how did that happen? I haven't written much this year, mainly because my house extension took over my life, literally! I spent every weekend for four months laying a reclaimed parquet floor after watching video on YouTube! Madness, I know, but it looks amazing! Since then, I've had little house projects to do. I've made a bench for my kitchen island, started a sewing project for my old rattan garden furniture and tried to get round all the tiny little niggley bits that have been left to do. My husband has been regularly absent too, due to Army d ..read more

Four years ago today I was 2 days out from discovering my husband had been having an affair, had taken his wedding ring off and was expected by his affair partner to come home, declare his undying love for her and end our marriage. I felt like an atomic bomb had gone off in my life. I couldn't eat or sleep. I felt like my whole marriage rested on what clothes I chose to wear that day and whether I managed to hold myself together or not. I was confused, scared, angry, hurt, bewildered, incensed and a hundred other words I don't have time to list. I'll never forget the sense of shock and confus ..read more

I have started so many posts in the last few months. Every time I hit, what I think is a new milestone, or a positive corner that I've turned, I sit down to write about it. But no sooner am I half way through, something else happens and it all changes. It has been like that for quite some time now. Up and down, up and down like a an out of control fair ground ride, swinging round and round, making me feel sick and simply isn't fun anymore. I'd like to get off please, but it just keeps going. Not so long ago I was convinced I had made it through. That I had reached a real turning point and was ..read more

December 30th 2022 was my 16th wedding anniversary. My husband had booked for us to go for a meal. That afternoon, I looked through our old wedding photos and posted them on my instagram, which I have never done before, and spent some time remembering that day. It may be a cliche but it was truly magical. Simple, small, had everything we needed and full of love. I loved every minute of it. I had none of my family there at all, as we got married where my husband's family lived, but had organised a separate celebration event in the UK a few months later. It didn't matter though. I was totally r ..read more

I get asked this question a lot. By women I meet through social media, this blog and also by my close friends and family. It's something I talk about very often with the wives I have met who are in my position. I think it's something that you can only understand if you have been through it. Otherwise, you're simply speaking from a perceived view. An idea about what you think you would do or feel if this ever happened to you. I used to be one of those people. I have talked about that quite a bit in previous blogs. Every time I write, I am honest and real and this blog will be no different. Thi ..read more

It's been a whole year since my betrayed wife bestie and I started the I Am The Wife podcast. It's given me an opportunity to look back over the year. How has 2022 been for me? It was 2018 when things in my life started to take a downward turn. By the end of that year my life was in bits. Like a bulldozer smashed straight through the middle without a care in the world the devastation it left behind. 2019 was a complete right off. I don't have much memory of that year. It was fucking shit and may as well not existed. I struggled through each day as best I could. 2020 was difficult for everyone ..read more

I just want to write something for all the wonderful warrior wives out there who read this blog. Please share this with anyone who needs to hear it. All those wives drowning in the bottomless abyss of infidelity, whether it's just days after d-day, months or years. Those wives whose lives have been horrifically and irreversibly changed by the actions of someone else, so shockingly and disrespectfully without their consent. Thrown blindfolded into a raging sea of torment, by someone they loved, and told to sink or swim. There are so many of us out there and there may be some needing a hand to ..read more

A few weeks ago, when I was recording our podcast with my friend Anna, she and I were chatting afterwards. She told me something that was a real game changer, and I can't believe I didn't think of this before. We were talking about some of the prominent people who were extremely judgemental about me and who I was, before they had even met me, based on the gossip that my husband was having an affair. Turns out one of them had an affair with their current wife, behind the back of his ex-wife. Interesting, right? I wish I had known this sooner, because it's so hard when you're at the bottom of t ..read more

This blog has been bubbling away for quite some time as the OW energy has irritated my skin. Like I walked into a spider's web, I didn't see, and got it stuck all over me. It's an icky, sticky feeling of wanting to erase something invisible from my skin, but I can't quite get it off. No matter how much I brush, that feeling of something still being there, annoys the shit out of me. It's like being haunted by an energy. That's what it feels like. It's so heavy, so icky, so urgggghh*shudder* it's difficult to describe. I have always been very empathic. For many years it has been quite a curse ..read more

That last blog had a real effect on me. Facing my fear of trust was a hard thing to delve into. It left me feeling like the weight of this affair was winning again. The sadness, the disappointment, the excruciating, unwanted consequential reality, the hurt and despair of "how could he?" sat on me like a boulder. An immovable, immensely heavy boulder that wouldn't shift and I started to buckle. I felt well and truly stuck. Stuck in this pain, stuck in this cycle, stuck in this reality that someone else threw me into. It triggered another crying meltdown where I desperately wanted answers and v ..read more