You read that right: traditional marriage counseling doesn’t work for healing infidelity.  Lots of couples who come to our workshop found this out the hard way. It cost them time and money but more importantly, it cost them hope. They were giving the most important time to someone who simply couldn’t help.   The biggest open secret among therapists is they don’t know how to treat infidelity.  Surveys consistently show that marriage counselors do not feel adequately prepared for affair recovery. What are traditional marriage counselors doing that is so damaging? In marriage cou ..read more

Diving Into the Mind of the Betrayer After interviewing and helping thousands of couples heal we have discovered many common threads among the unfaithful and betrayed partners alike. This article explores 19 thoughts most unfaithful partners have about you, the relationship, and why the affair happened.  There are mainly two groups within the unfaithful partners that we will consider.  The motivated unfaithful partner and the unmotivated unfaithful partner. The unmotivated partner may not always know what to do.  They may feel helpless that things can’t really change.  The ..read more

Transcript: Brad: What's this workshop been like for you guys? Joe: It's been extremely helpful. Me, as the betrayer in the relationship, being able to work through the why on the other side of it has been extremely beneficial to better understand how past trauma has brought me to this point and has caused me to take actions to get us to this point, along with how to communicate better and to have a better emotional awareness and tools in order to get there. Because I think with better emotional awareness, both personally and in our relationship, we can talk through these things without getti ..read more

Jim: The workshop's been great. It has brought to light a lot that I was unaware of even being married for 20 years to the woman that I've loved. There are many things that I need to work on as well as both of us as a couple. But it has definitely shed new light on why my spouse possibly did what she did, not saying that it's okay, but there's the beginning of knowing why. To me the workshop is a big base of knowledge that I needed because the why has been the big thing and not knowing why, but knowing now there's a possibly way to find that reason why has been a tremendous help, is something ..read more

When people travel to Oklahoma from around the world to join our Healing Broken Trust workshop one of the biggest questions I get is “what is there to do in Oklahoma?” It’s a fair question. Many people confuse us with Nebraska or Kansas or one of the other fly over states.  At first glance it may seem we’re still primitive beings living in tee pees.  Yes, I’ve heard that before. I promise…Tulsa is actually a pretty interesting and a beautiful place.  But Brad and I HAVE lived here all our lives…with the exception of the two weeks we spent in Spain…so we’re a little biased ..read more

I have strong feelings about this matter. There aren’t many things that are black and white about but this is one of them.  We will do two things here… We will share our view about telling your kids about the affair Then we will give you next steps for just in case you haven’t handled things well so far Sound fair?  Okay let’s jump into it…But first consider grabbing your copy of the “First Steps To Protecting Your Kids From The Affair” below. Some people think telling your kids about the infidelity is a part of the healing journey and that knowing the truth will help you h ..read more

Brad (00:10): Okay. I'm here with Finn and Stella and they recently came to one of our workshops. I wanna ask you guys, uh, what was it like heading up to the workshop and what was the workshop like for you? Stella (00:23): I think for me being the one who was betrayed, um, I was, I wasn't sure how it would go. I didn't want it to be like an AA meeting where people stood up and told their stories. Um, I was worried for my husband, who is the healer. I didn't want him to feel like the spotlight or to target on his back. And I didn't want him to be even more ashamed than he already felt. Um, but ..read more

We all know marriage is rough sometimes. Lots of highs and lots of lows. Sometimes we may wonder if we made too many mistakes or maybe we shouldn’t be together. We often hear people say “my partner needs to work on themselves before we work on our relationship”. They need to fix themselves before we can fix us.   That’s only a partial truth. The full truth is “we grow as we go” as the song says. The best way to heal most good relationships is to stay together and work it out together. As the song says, “we’re gonna see that is was better, that we grew up together.” Such a beautiful illu ..read more

This is the magic question, right? How do I get my partner to open up and be honest? Another word for honest is vulnerable….AND how do I open up and be vulnerable too? It’s a pretty complex question because every relationship is different. Every person is different.   That’s why we spend so much time helping couples do this in our Complete Healing Broken Trust Program. But there is one thing you can do right now to break out of the rut and get your spouse talking and sharing their heart with you. Ask yourself 2 questions: Do I critique my partner? Do I express gratitude? Constructiv ..read more

In this article we explore how we often rewrite our stories when things are bad… Brad and I went out on a date night over the weekend and we were so excited to try out this new restaurant. Date night is hard to come by these days because we have three small kids. It was exciting to be out together sans kids. I got dressed up in my one snot-free pretty shirt and I even broke out the high heels.   (Our three year old calls them my “chanclas” which is technically Spanish for flip-flops and not heels but who wants to correct something so cute?) We went to a fancy French restaurant. We ordered ..read more