A massive fire at Cody’s Original Roadhouse on Hillsborough Avenue in Oldsmar early Thursday morning has reduced the dwindling number of Tampa Bay casual steakhouses where you’re allowed to throw peanut shells on the floor by one.  “Allowed?? They ENCOURAGED that,” said former regular customer Karl Dandleton, choking back tears. “And we loved them for it!” Popular among several local middle-to-lower cost steakhouses, including Outback, in the 90s for some reason, the practice of patrons snacking on a bucket of peanuts and then just casting the discarded husks on the floor for staff to cl ..read more

Mike Sernandez of Tampa became the first person arrested since the passing of Florida’s new law banning the return of library books borrowed for longer than six weeks. “Six weeks?!? It’s ’Anna Karenina’,” he exclaimed upon being taken into custody at the Seminole Heights Public Library. “Nobody has ever read anything by Tolstoy in under six weeks!” The new law, which took effect Wednesday, has exceptions for returning books by James Joyce and David Foster Wallace up to 15 weeks after they’re checked out but is punishable by a fine of $15 dollars and a jail sentence of not less than 89 years f ..read more

A new soup company is moving to Ybor City to replace the recently closed Stone Soup company. “We always enjoyed the idea of Stone Soup Company but were very disappointed each time we went,” said Flubbers Jillio, the founder of Mud Soup Company.  “We wanted to keep everything exactly the same but update the name to something that wasn’t stone.” Jillio settled on mud after thinking about what the opposite of a stone was. “Mud is basically a melted rock,” said Jillio.  “What I don’t want people thinking is that our restaurant will make them shit mud or that our soup is part mud.” I was ..read more

Following remarks that upset some people after Monday night’s 6-1 first round playoff loss to the Florida Panthers which ended the Tampa Bay Lightning’s season, Lightning head coach Jon Cooper has expounded and claims what he said was basically taken out of context. “Net front battles aren’t allowed anymore? That’s part of everybody’s game, is like the boxing out that goes there. It’s like prison rules in the playoffs, but it’s not prison rules for the goalie? The second something happens, we might as well put skirts on them then if that’s how it’s gonna be. I mean they have to battle throug ..read more

Senator Rick Scott of Florida says he feels newly inspired and reinvigorated by South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem’s controversial new book “No Going Back: The Truth on What’s Wrong with Politics and How We Move America Forward”. “I haven’t read the actual book; it has a really long title and I did read most of that,” he admitted.  “But I heard that it’s about killing dogs and that’s just a great idea,” he said. “Which is surprising because a woman came up with it.” Scott went on to detail how he doesn’t like dogs because when they’re ordered to speak, they bark instead of saying somethin ..read more

The NFL has adjusted its rules to allow players the option of using modified Guardian Caps in regular-season games to enhance their protection against head injuries, the league confirmed last Friday, as long as certain branding elements are maintained. “Our logos and imaging are extremely important to us,” said Judy Longsnapp, NFL vice president of logos and imaging. “Maybe not as important as head injuries but definitely 100 times more so.” The padded headgear was mandated for players at certain positions during training camp in 2022 and 2023 and have contributed to a nearly 50% reduction in ..read more

Sunny and UJ are a fun, semi-retired couple in Clearwater and they like to dabble in real estate. Hi. I’m Sunny. I’m much younger than my husband and haven’t touched or even seen his penis in years.  And I’m UJ. I firmly believe that women should never participate in natural childbirth because it destroys their resale value.  Now that you know all about us, let’s learn about this week’s listings! This one is fully wired for telephone service. Just plug one in and start talking! We don’t necessarily know that this house is for sale, but that doesn’t mean it necessarily isn’t. This ..read more

Jeff Jeffleston a gay man in St. Petersburg finds himself an outsider to the local gay community because of a crippling case of dyslexia.  “Yeah, Jeff would show up at clubs and special Pride events wearing this rainbow shirt that has all the right colors but in the wrong order,” says Robert Robwell, another gay man in St. Petersburg who is very active in the community. “Some people thought he was trying to be funny and got mad about it. Then we found out he’s dyslexic but it’s still weird. And off-putting. Nobody wants him around.” “Oh wait, were you expecting a joke about not being abl ..read more

George Gorwidge, a gynecologist operating from a clinic in South Tampa has had his professional accreditation revoked due to having short, stubby fingers. “This sucks,” said Dr. Gorwidge. “I took all my classes. Graduated with honors. I’m a good doctor. So my fingers are kind of thick. How is that a problem if I do good work?” “I don’t see the problem,” said Melissa Rawrher, a former patient. “He does a fine job with those little sausages. I hate that I have to find a new provider.” “Yeah, maybe. But look at these beauties,” said Dr. Peter Falangeston, a member of the state board who voted to ..read more

Ben Slanders, a douchebag from St. Petersburg, recently went to a church bingo game in Pinellas Park for the sole purpose of hearing the number O 69 called out. He convinced three friends to come with him to capture him on video yelling, “NICE!” in response and putting it on Tik Tok. None of them actually paid to play the games presented by the church, with an undetermined portion of the proceeds designated “to help sick kids”.  “There was an old man there who yelled ‘bingo’ after they called the very first number of the very first game, and that got quite a few laughs. So the comedy bar ..read more