If, like me, you grew up in a house full of siblings, you may recall a (mostly) good-natured game in which one child grabs the arm of another and uses it to hit that person with their own hand, all the while saying, “Why are you hitting yourself?” The “joke,” of course, is that nobody would intentionally and repeatedly hit themself with their own hand. And yet, that’s more or less what we are doing when we get in our way by running old patterns of behavior. The Perfectionist Boss Consider the example of my client Martin. As an Enneagram One, he was terrified of making mistakes. This caused hi ..read more

My 19-year-old son, Scott, has turned into quite the cook. He’s always been curious about food and flavors and seems to have a knack for creating unusual combinations that taste fabulous (no, sadly, it’s not hereditary). As is often the case with Enneagram Type 7s, Scott’s natural curiosity leads to a wide variety of interests and skills. We’re at the point now where he’s often in charge of menu planning for special events, sourcing of obscure ingredients, and helping with family meal prep. But it wasn’t always that way; there were definitely some starts and stops — blaring smoke alarms and u ..read more

The holidays are nearly here! A time to celebrate, spend time with friends and family, and step back from the hustle and pace that defines the rest of the year. But it’s not all good news. Because the end of the year also means it’s time to… brace yourself… set goals! I know. For many people, the mere mention of goals leads to audible groans and frowny faces. The fact is, most people resist the process of goal setting or creating leadership development plans. I get it — it doesn’t sound like fun. But it need not be painful or arduous. Not only that, research has shown that those who set goals ..read more

I made a big mistake this week… I went grocery shopping without a list! Typically, we shop for the whole week of groceries on Sunday. But it wasn’t that kind of week. So, on a whim, I decided to run into the store at the last minute to pick up food for dinner. As soon as I was let loose in the store, all kinds of random thoughts began racing through my mind… “Dragon fruit Kombucha? I’ve always wanted to try that. Death Wish Coffee? I wonder how strong that really is.” And I was completely at the mercy of the salsa aisle. No matter how much we have at home (and we have a lot), I always find it ..read more

My best friend, Kathy, lives in Dallas. We met and bonded — immediately— almost 30 years ago when we were randomly assigned as roommates by our then-employer for a six-week training in Chicago. We don’t see each other in person very often and so last week, I made a reservation and hopped on a plane to go down and visit her. The flight started out just fine. But five minutes after leaving the gate, the pilot announced that a sensor had gone off and they had to get it checked. We sat there for 30 minutes. No additional information was provided. Eventually, the pilot said we were ready to go, so ..read more

I made a big mistake this week… I went grocery shopping without a list! Typically, we shop for the whole week of groceries on Sunday. But it wasn’t that kind of week. So, on a whim, I decided to run into the store at the last minute to pick up food for dinner. As soon as I was let loose in the store, all kinds of random thoughts began racing through my mind… “Dragon fruit Kombucha? I’ve always wanted to try that. Death Wish Coffee? I wonder how strong that really is.” And I was completely at the mercy of the salsa aisle. No matter how much we have at home (and we have a lot), I always find it ..read more

A few months ago, I taught a 90-minute online workshop for a group of physician leaders. The topic was Emotional Intelligence. Not everyone could be there live, so we recorded it. I wanted to review it before sharing with the missing parties, so I sat down to watch it. Eek! It was nothing short of disturbing. I never realized that I constantly swivel my chair while speaking (I got dizzy just watching).  Or how many facial expressions I make. Or how much I keep leaning into the camera as I speak. So I took note and made some immediate adjustments: I now use a stationary chair when I ..read more

I’ll just come right out and say it: I am a sucker for jelly donuts! And the best donuts I have ever eaten are sold at an amazing Amish Farmers’ Market near where I live in West Chester. I go to the market every month or so to explore the stands of cheese, meat, veggies, desserts, and more. Some days, I find it easy to walk past the long, quick-moving donut line. But other times, I hop in with everyone else and buy a half-dozen… “for my family.” The first challenge is waiting to get home before eating one. But even if I pass that test and make it to my kitchen, I end up staring at them for a ..read more

Every time one of my children leaves for college, we get a new dog. It happened eight years ago when my son Johnny left. It happened again four years later when my daughter Christina left. And now, with my youngest child, Scott, set to blast off this fall, I fear that dog #3 could materialize any minute. Why does this happen? I really don’t know. At this point, it just seems to have become a family tradition. But it’s a problem! More dogs to care for means more vet appointments, more dietary protocols, and lots (lots) more fur in a house that already requires constant vacuuming. Plus, one of ..read more

My husband, John, and I spent a wonderful 17 years living on a little farm in Chester Springs, Pennsylvania. We had goats and chickens and bunnies. It’s where our three kids grew up and it was everything we hoped for. But… it was a lot of work to maintain. Plus, we were way out in the country. Just driving to the supermarket or the nearest ATM was an excursion. So, when our youngest graduated high school last spring, and in the spirit of increased simplification and socialization (yea!), we traded all that for a small Victorian house in West Chester. I call it my “sidewalk house,” an ..read more