One of the things that makes a new romance so exciting and attractive is the element of uncertainty: Is this person really interested in me? Will this person really be the one I’ve longed for? We can all relate to the thrill of the start-up relationship where the other is essentially still a stranger and quite mysterious to us. Where is this all going to lead? The suspense is both thrilling and invigorating! This initial thrill is the stuff of movies and love songs and is an intoxicating experience. Yet it is also very limited. It captures nothing of the magnificence of a couple’s devotion whi ..read more

Please be aware that our SmartLoving website will be offline and unavailable for 2-3 hours due to scheduled website maintenance at the following time: TUESDAY April 30: 10pm (AEST) 8pm (AWST) – Australia 1pm (BST) – United Kingdom 5am (PDT) – United States If your timezone is not listed you can add your city and find out the scheduled website downtime in your timezone by clicking here During this time all our online courses and resources will be inaccessible and you will not be able to proceed through the lessons. We appreciate your patience and understanding. The post SmartLoving St ..read more

The word ‘vocation’ comes from the Latin ‘vocare’ which means ‘to call’. Our primary vocation, the one we all share, is the vocation to holiness. We are called to follow Christ and be in relationship with him. From the Pope to a newborn – it is the same call and equally compelling. A secondary vocation relates to our state of life. For many of us, this is marriage. Some are called to priestly or religious life. Others to various forms of single life, consecrated or open to later possibilities. Tertiary vocations relate to occupations – such as teaching, writing, singing, nursing, etc. These ma ..read more

Father… As you, Father, are in me and I am in you, may they also be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I ask not only on behalf of these, but also on behalf of those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be one. The glory that you have given me I have given them, so that they may be one, as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become completely one, so that the world may know that you have sent me and have loved them even as you loved me. John 17: 20-23 This is Jesus’ last prayer before his death. He prays it in the presence of hi ..read more

We’ve been listening to Mike and Alicia Hernon’s podcast called Messy Families. One of their recurring messages for parents is: stop worrying about getting your kids to heaven – parenting is about helping you get there! When we first heard them say this it stopped us in our tracks. Mike and Lisa go on to explain… the reason motherhood or fatherhood is a vocation, is not to make our kids into saints; it’s about making parents into saints. Said differently; raising kids is a lifelong lesson in our journey of holiness. Motherhood and fatherhood forms us as parents, and we in turn form our childre ..read more

Every marriage has elements of passion, death, and resurrection. These seasons of growth, disillusionment and revitalisation are entirely normal, and to be expected. The problem is there’s often a delay before the resurrection manifests. That ‘waiting in the tomb’ is profoundly challenging; in our case it’s never just three days! Here are three thoughts about marriage and the cycle of transformation. Passion Memories Ever noticed how we tend to obsess about the negatives when given feedback? Even if 90% is positive, our brains fixate on that one, small criticism as if it cancelled out everythi ..read more

Pope Francis has called Catholic communities to accompany couples at various stages. What does accompaniment look like, and is there anything special about a Catholic version? A few years back, our 23-year-old son found himself accompanying a stranger. At the time he was working for a building company that specialised in upgrades and maintenance for safety compliance. When he knocked on the door to discuss the scheduled works with a resident, the woman burst into tears. Her partner had cheated on her, she sobbed to our bewildered son. Some minutes later, embarrassed, she declared “You don’t ge ..read more

In relationships, the word ‘intimacy’ is often used as a euphemism for sex, but this is a very narrow and impoverished view. Some people have suggested that the meaning is better encapsulated through its sounds: “in-to-me-see” better captures the idea that intimacy involves the knowledge of the interior life of each other. In any relationship, especially in marriage, its strength and quality can be measured by the depth and sincerity of the intimacy we share. Sometimes intimacy happens spontaneously and seemingly without any conscious effort on our part – and what a gift it is when that happen ..read more

New research validates age-old wisdom: the simple habit of gratitude can transform a jaded marriage into a joyous encounter. By Marilyn Rodrigues A University of North Carolina study released last month highlighted the association of gratitude with a happy marriage. Cameron Gordon, the study’s lead author, said that the goodwill generated by grateful spouses creates a “reciprocal feedback loop” of marital harmony, helping spouses to view their interactions even on bad days in a positive light. The participants, 50 couples married for an average of 21 years, reported high relationship satisfact ..read more

Periods of disconnection are an unfortunate part of every marriage. Relationship Repair takes both an initiator and receiver. Disconnection has happened frequently in our marriage, even for newlyweds. It might have been the result of a hurtful action, a careless comment, an argument, or just insufficient time together. We’ve written about a number of disconnection behaviours over the past few months including harsh start-ups, criticism, contempt, globalisation, defensiveness and stonewalling. In this article, we want to look the final one in the series: Rejecting Repair Attempts. Repair Attemp ..read more