I don't know about anyone else but, I know for me just when I start to get my feet under me something comes along and knocks me down. Or at least it has for the last 8 yrs. Till now. I've made changes. Some of those changes really suck (depending on your perception). Oddly enough those changes seem to have also changed my luck for the better. I don't want to say it out loud because I'm afraid I'll jinx it. Yet.... Things are going well. 34 days 0 contact. NONE AT ALL. And... Things seem to be picking up. It's actually pretty amazing. I went out recently, without incident. Before or after. Don ..read more

For the first time in over a year I can breathe. For the 2nd time in the last year I've been totally NO CONTACT for over 27 days. That might not seem like a big deal and many might say that should've been the case the whole time but... For someone who was as "addicted to the chaos" as I was, and had the "trauma bond" that I have ( I won't say had because it takes a long time and lot of work to get rid of it) it's a HUGE deal. NO Contact. Not contact with no response. 0 contact. None. I can't lie, I was married to him for years and still consider him the love of my life even though it was a com ..read more

Here we are again. It's a week after the New Year and it's not very different. Yet, it is. Things have changed. I wonder sometimes how much has actually changed. I look at what is happening in the world around us and it makes me miss the world I grew up in. I despise having things like Facebook, and cell phones. People at your fingertips 24/7. News feed from the entire world 24/7. And we wonder why so many marriages fail and so many people are suicidally depressed. It's not that hard to figure out. The human brain was never meant to process everything we process in a day. Our partners see othe ..read more

As I go through this journey without an 8-5 I have times when I get really stressed over not having a guaranteed paycheck. It's all in the mind set I know but, it's hard to change from being an employee to being self / unemployed. It's a huge shift. It doesn't help that all the people around you are asking you 100 questions every time they see you because they're stressed out that you don't have a traditional 'job'. The way I see it, the world is changing. I've got to change. This old 'normal' is gone. The way of the future is finding your way and making it work for you. Corporate is stuck. As ..read more

Strange title for a blog post, I know. It's one of those things where I'm not real sure how this writing will go so I left it open for change. How's that? You know I've been told that I write well. I've had a couple people tell me I should start a news paper. I've had others tell me that my writings speak to them. I've had several tell me they've learned so much more about me and things I've dealt with that they understand me as a person more. You've never said anything about my works though. I've written to you before. I don't recall you having ever said if you thought I wrote well. If someth ..read more

It's been a minute since I've been on. Ok. It's been a month. It's been a heck of a month at that. The kids started back to school. My job is really taking off. The ex is back - sort of but, not really. I feel blessed and at the same time I feel as though my whole world is upside down. Have you ever felt like that? It's that feeling of things are going really well but, something is not quite right. Like it is all going to implode at any minute. Well.... Let's backtrack a little bit. Back in January I had just finalized my divorce. I quit my job and I took a massive leap of faith and put all my ..read more

I never didn't want us to work. I wanted you at home, engaged, involved, accountable and helping support us. I still want that. You said you would be that. You said you could be that. You said you would prove it to me. All those arguments, all those discussions, and all those times you wanted me to let you back in. You liked the way we looked in the pictures but, we were just arm candy. You weren't willing to do the work but, you were willing to make the promises. You didn't do it. Instead, you spent more time away knowing the people you were with were driving a wedge between us. Really it had ..read more

Have you ever had to break things off with someone because you knew you had to? Like, all logical, rational, normal trains of thought tell you this is what you have to do. Your head and your heart may not line up but, you have to make the most difficult decision of your life because, it's not just you. My best friend and I talked about it many times. She would ask me; "Do you see yourself being with anyone else"? My answer was always and still is, "no". Our breakup was a long time coming. In all honesty we really should've never gotten married. I was his supply. He told people that he married ..read more

The last several days have been the most chaotic I've seen in a while. I mean it sometimes amazes me the level of chaos that comes with some people. Oddly enough for the right person, I'm willing to trudge right through it with them. Let's just roll back a bit shall we. My ex-husbands birthday was almost 2 weeks ago. (There's a whole other blog post about it). Then there was the hearing on the stuff I dropped. So since then things changed a bit. Friday night I found myself in a 3rd party conversation with him with a game of telephone going on. You know the one, where it starts out 1 thing and ..read more

Looking back I can see my marriage was doomed from the start long before it ever actually happened. When I first met my husband he was a partner in a business who conducted a lot of business with China who's on a totally different clock. He would be working at 3 am talking to Chinese saleswomen. That was a rocky start. When I would spend the night he didn't stop. He didn't slow down. He would leave me in bed, not realizing how light of a sleeper I was, and take off to 'work'. He would also flirt. (I've had a lot of 'salesmen' tell me 'flirting' is necessary, dude, really? It's not.) I would ge ..read more